Was I a bad friend?

Hi, I'm 16 years old and I'm in a tough situation with my former friend group that I'm lost about. For some background, I was in a friend group with 3 other people. I'll refer to them as Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3. Thing 1 and I have been friends for 12 years. Our moms have been friends for that long as well. Thing 1's mom is also abusive. She's broken Thing 1's nose and always berates her. Last year, Thing 1's mom would tell my mom that she was too tired to hang out with her, but would go hang out with her other friends. I told Thing 1 about this, and she apologized on her behalf, and that's when she told me about her mom's abuse. Thing 2 and I have been friends for 10 years. Thing 3 was Thing 1 and Thing 2's friend, and began hanging out with me at the start of last school year, around September 2024. I always tried to be friends with Thing 3, but she was always distant towards me. I live in an apartment that has a communal pool, and this summer, I decided to invite my friend group over to hang out at the pool. Thing 1's mom made her younger siblings come over each time we hung out. At first, this wasn't a problem for me; however, her siblings started causing havoc at my pool, and they would always argue with her. We could barely talk as a friend group while they were there due to the havoc they caused. One day, one of my neighbors came to inform us that we were breaking some of the apartment's rules. The neighbor was going to walk away, but then Thing 1 and her siblings began to make snotty remarks towards the neighbor. He began to lecture us and called the property manager on me. The manager told me that Thing 1's siblings needed adult supervision and that if we broke the rules again, we'd face big consequences. A couple of days later, I invited the friend group over again. I told Thing 1's mom about what the property manager said. She said that she didn't care and made them come over anyway. This irritated me; she's abusive to my friend, she was rude to my mom, and now she's disrespecting me! When they arrived, Thing 1 just told us to ignore her siblings. They picked up on this and began saying rude things about our friend group and Thing 1. Thing 1 and Thing 2 dropped the ignoring and began arguing certain points with them, so I followed. I told Thing 1's siblings that their mom was fake, disrespectful, and that they shouldn't be disrespectful as well. Thing 1's mom came to pick them all up early, and over the phone, she yelled at me. I confided in what I said to Thing 2 and 3 since I felt guilty, but they said what I said was right. My friends began to ignore me, and all hung out without me the next day. I stopped talking to them since I thought they just needed distance. I posted some things on social media about another situation I was in, and they liked the posts. I assumed they just needed space, and I respected that. After a week, I confronted them on why they were ignoring me, and Thing 1 wrote me a long paragraph on how I was so rude and disrespectful towards her mom and how she's done so much for me just for me to treat her poorly. This is true; however, that didn't excuse any of her actions. I told Thing 1 that. Then Thing 3 slid in and asked why I was posting things targeted towards them. I told them it wasn't about them and that if I had a problem, I would talk to them. Thing 1 then accused me of lying and said that I was always disrespectful, toxic, and boring to talk to. Thing 3 slid in and said that I never take accountability for my actions. I was shocked at this comment, as when I spoke to Thing 3 about what I said, she said I was in the right. They also referred to a couple of months ago, when I was distant for about a week, and they thought I was ghosting them in the argument. But apologized for that when they initially confronted me, and I apologized. After trying to make them see my perspective, I realized they weren't going to see my perspective at all, so I just stopped talking in the argument. Thing 1 unfollowed me on social media and blocked my phone number. Thing 2 has not spoken to me at all; she didn't even say anything during the argument, and Thing 3 stopped talking to me. I am so lost and I don't know what to do. Sorry if this is confusing, English isn't my first language, and I don't have anyone to talk to, as they were my only friends. My family is all gone on a trip.

Heya ConfusedCurlyHead! "Hi, I'm 16 years old and I'm in a tough situation with my former friend group that I'm lost about. For some background, I was in a friend group with 3 other people. I'll refer to them as Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3. Thing 1 and I have been friends for 12 years. Our moms have been friends for that long as well. Thing 1's mom is also abusive. She's broken Thing 1's nose and always berates her. Last year, Thing 1's mom would tell my mom that she was too tired to hang out with her, but would go hang out with her other friends. I told Thing 1 about this, and she apologized on her behalf, and that's when she told me about her mom's abuse. Thing 2 and I have been friends for 10 years. Thing 3 was Thing 1 and Thing 2's friend, and began hanging out with me at the start of last school year, around September 2024. I always tried to be friends with Thing 3, but she was always distant towards me. " (Last 2 sentances-) In that case, why the sudden interest in you, the sudden turnaround? Can you provide that info plizzies? (Cheers.) "I live in an apartment that has a communal pool," Nnnnnoice! Bet that makes you popular? "and this summer, I decided to invite my friend group over to hang out at the pool. Thing 1's mom made her younger siblings come over each time we hung out." PAAAR-DON??? QUE? Who made Thing 1's mother the boss of you and your pool?!? (Over-entitled and boundary-violating much?!) Did she even ask first? Bet she didn't. Foisted-on, free babysitting, or what? What a jumped-up cow. Abusive and domineering in all directions, then, eh? (Poor Thing 1.) "At first, this wasn't a problem for me;" Well, it's just lucky for Thing 1 Senior, that it wasn't. But it doesn't change the 'stomping over your rights' attitude! "however, her siblings started causing havoc at my pool, and they would always argue with her." With Thing 1, you mean? "We could barely talk as a friend group while they were there due to the havoc they caused." Yeah, I've been in that situation before, I know what you mean. "One day, one of my neighbors came to inform us that we were breaking some of the apartment's rules. The neighbor was going to walk away, but then Thing 1 and her siblings began to make snotty remarks towards the neighbor." UHHHHHHHH????? Who do they think they are?! This is incredible! And obviously Thing 1 needs to look at HERSELF because - she's got her Mum's Narc Fleas on her if she's behaving like that! I'd have been FURIOUS! Were you? "He began to lecture us and called the property manager on me. The manager told me that Thing 1's siblings needed adult supervision and that if we broke the rules again, we'd face big consequences." (Tsk!) Noted. "A couple of days later, I invited the friend group over again." OH.... I'm not reading ahead, but - did you think was wise? "I told Thing 1's mom about what the property manager said. She said that she didn't care and made them come over anyway." WTF?????????? "This irritated me; she's abusive to my friend, she was rude to my mom, and now she's disrespecting me!" Scuse French, but - just a f***king bit?! (You're 16, not 6!) What IS this? ...I wannit, I'm gonna have it and I don't care who gets hurt as long as it's not me (- Thing 1 Senior)? That's OUTRAGEOUS! "When they arrived, Thing 1 just told us to ignore her siblings." ((Oh, be real you stupid girl!)) (sorry, can't help it) "They picked up on this and began saying rude things about our friend group and Thing 1." *sigh* "Thing 1 and Thing 2 dropped the ignoring and began arguing certain points with them, so I followed. I told Thing 1's siblings that their mom was fake, disrespectful, and that they shouldn't be disrespectful as well." Oh dear.... "Thing 1's mom came to pick them all up early, and over the phone, she yelled at me. I confided in what I said to Thing 2 and 3 since I felt guilty, but they said what I said was right." Damn right. Whether the way you did it was correct (for your own lack of after-hassle) is another matter, though, but - hey...if they don't like what comes out of your vending-machine when they put poo in your slot, they shouldn't put poo in your slot. (You AIN'T Thing 1 - that much is clear.) " My friends began to ignore me, and all hung out without me the next day." HUH??? Oh, good riddance to bad rubbish! (I know it's not that simple though...just feel like 'slapping' the lot of them and needed to get that out.) "I stopped talking to them since I thought they just needed distance." Very grown-up sensible of you for 16 (sticky Gold Star on your forehead: "Thlup!") "I posted some things on social media about another situation I was in, and they liked the posts." DOUBLE-HUH? Oh, I see...have been blackmailed by Thing 1 Senior (if you don't do likewise you can't be Thing 1's friend any more). OMG the woman is DISGUSTING! (In fact - THAT'S not a woman?! Spoilt-brat thirteen year-old, maybe? Yep...definitely a nasty kid hiding in a grown-up-suit - case closed on her.) " I assumed they just needed space, and I respected that. After a week, I confronted them on why they were ignoring me, and Thing 1 wrote me a long paragraph on how I was so rude and disrespectful towards her mom" Er...NO. What you did was called Reactive Abuse (normally, you wouldn't dream of it, but were forced to because the Incoming toxicity left you no other choice). "and how she's done so much for me just for me to treat her poorly." Oh, earwigo...."After everything (bog-standard) I've done for you, mehhh-mehhh!" (Narc emotional manipulation Classic) "This is true; however, that didn't excuse any of her actions." Absolutely not! Well done! "I told Thing 1 that." Good for you!, but - uh-oh.... "Then Thing 3 slid in and asked why I was posting things targeted towards them." ((Oh, f**k-off - you KNOW why!)) "I told them it wasn't about them and that if I had a problem, I would talk to them." Yeah, see - you're too clever (and self-respectingly healthy) for them. YOU'VE OUTGROWN THEM (not hard). No wonder you're naming them Thing. "Thing 1 then accused me of lying and said that I was always disrespectful, toxic, and boring to talk to. Thing 3 slid in and said that I never take accountability for my actions." It WASN'T your action - it was your FORCED RE-action! "I was shocked at this comment," I can imagine. "as when I spoke to Thing 3 about what I said, she said I was in the right." ((Two-faced cow!)) They also referred to a couple of months ago, when I was distant for about a week, and they thought I was ghosting them in the argument." Well, they (THEIR TYPE) would, wouldn't they. Mate, they're ALL Narcs - the mildest are the Flying Monkeys. They're not interested in who's in the right (you - regardless of your plain-speaking). But 3 is a Covert. "But apologized for that when they initially confronted me, and I apologized." And how's that original apology working for ya NOW? It was just blah-blah, they didn't mean it, but needed to sweep it all under the rug/"Press The Re-set Button". "After trying to make them see my perspective, I realized they weren't going to see my perspective at all," Nah, they don't wanna. Or they'd be no new drama. Which they NEED. Because it's THEY who are (pathologically) bored and boring (and each as immature as a foetus) (a non-viable one :p) "so I just stopped talking in the argument." You have innate wisdom, clearly. Bet you anything you like, you had a long line of ancestors who had to deal with this sort of needless, toxic CRAP - hence that wisdom has become assimilated into your genetic Blueprint and you 'pre-know' what to do (- mostly...more than you should at 16, anyway). "Thing 1 unfollowed me on social media and blocked my phone number." GOOD! I know it doesn't feel like it but it is and you'll realise that more and more with the coming weeks. I mean - come OOON - look at her so-called mother? Could YOU grow-up with that and come out just dandy? Not likely, eh. It's just been hidden from you by Thing 1. They can fool you for years and then suddenly turn on you. News for you: they're back-to-front... runts who think (or are desperate to convince themselves, and others) they're the alphas, ergo, think they can pick on the alpha simply by ganging-up together, as if Might Is Right (narc attitude...Might meaning domination or bigger muscles, when the opposite is true: Right is Might). "Thing 2 has not spoken to me at all; she didn't even say anything during the argument," Doesn't want to be next in their crosshairs. "and Thing 3 stopped talking to me. I am so lost and I don't know what to do." Well, I and everyone else here does - e.g. CreativeNick (I'll ask her to join in - she's had similar just lately). "Sorry if this is confusing," Not one bit! "English isn't my first language," Well, you could have fooled me - it's perfect! (What country?) "and I don't have anyone to talk to, as they were my only friends. My family is all gone on a trip." No, no - *didn't*...until you came here. We're not speedy (these aren't our jobs - extra-curricular - charity)..., more like long-term pen-pals (come advisers/reality-checkers/genuine know-it-alls-been-through-it-alls (and Narc-slayers)), who manage to post every 2-3 days or so - sometimes more frequently (depends), but we ain't going ANYWHERE (e.g. me, I live here). Okay? This is your 'room' now - stay as long as you need to. Talk to us. :) Feeling a little bit better? Let me get you CreativeNick's thread link so you can read up on what happened with her and her long-running friend (fiend!) (yep - narc - Covert-Vulnerable, whereas you've got Overt as well, plus the flying monkey(s).... but really, the difference is just, whether they're 'hot' or 'cold' tempered and how secretive and sneaky or in-your-face they are. I know they're only teens, but - so supposedly are you and yet you have more maturity in your little finger than Thing 1 Senior who's - what - thrice your age? You've woken-up and realised, they're NOT worthy of you. Admit it - if YOU were your own best friend, you'd be OVER THE MOON! Right? Here's CN's thread link (just click it) (tsk...why am I telling a modern techie whizz how to click a link, hahah - ignore me - you could probably teach ME!).... https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13848/am-i-wrong-what-should-i-do PS: We get your complaint A LOT - from posters of all ages (but where the narcs all act like spoilt 4-13-year-olds) so if you like, there are other uncannily-similar-problemed past threads I could dig up for you. Just let me know. PPS: They're trying to keep you down because they can tell you're the blessed one - the only fully-working, healthy model amongst the whole lot of them...but we'll go into that later, but, you're amongst mainly Narc survivors here so - no need to explain too hard; we get it already (and you). :) Trust me...I know it's hell at the time, but, it's still (fact) a giant, perverse compliment if Narcs suddenly turn on you and reveal their truer colours. Also, if they have to make accusations up, or twist the facts like that, it means you're a saint of a friend and they've no real dirt to sling, AND that they can sense you're going off them ("dump or be dumped" - narcs can't take or heal from rejection like we healthies can). Anyhoo, don't want to talk your head off so...have a read and RsVP after.

PS. should mention though, to ease your mind: you're not lost, you just FEEL lost. Truth is, you're in a (unorthodox but rife) developmental process (like a butterfly when it becomes 'trapped' in its chrysalis SO THAT it'll beat and build-up its wings ready for flying as high as poss....and that's why they're holding onto your ankles by beating you to the floor). Sense?

PS: If you keep keeping schtum - next, they'll try to Hoover you. DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE (play dead!) UNTIL YOU'VE CHECKED WITH ME OR OUR OTHER ADVISORS AND REGULAR POSTERS HERE re how to, and not to, handle it. We can even have a bit of fun with them at their expense if you fancy? ;)

Sorry - failed to give you a second gold star for this: "This is true; however, that didn't excuse any of her actions." Thlup! You SURE you're only 16? No wonder you threaten them. You're the only adult, meaning, they're outnumbered intellectually (hence having to gang-up to stop you from shoving their gargoyle-like faces in the mirror and seeing themselves and how psychologically upside-down/crippled they are...just by being you and speaking the truth). Too superior and barrister-like for them (or rather, not as inferior as them).

And also - NO WAY are you boring! Pff! I'll shut-up now... it's just...I'm just...OOOOOH! It's the Injustice more than anything, isn't it. Too galling.

PS: Forgot to ask: What's your mum saying about it all?

Hey Curly, Oof, do women automatically think their friends have an issue if they don't get around to talking or hanging out for 1 week? As the years pass, it gets more challenging to find the time for friends. I can see how it would be odd if you don't hear from a friend for a month, but a week isn't uncommon. I think you being concerned about your apartment rules is right, and called being an adult. The disrespect of Thing 1's siblings and mom is just drama you don't need. Thing 3, sounds like you only really talked to because of the others, so let's face it, you probably wouldn't hang out together so much without them anyway, would you? Thing 2 might be a friendship you could salvage, since you have known each other for a while, and they might just not want to get involved. But then I would be asking myself whether I want to be friends with some passive person who just never has my back. Also, have you questioned whether she has something to lose from taking your side? Like maybe she is benefitting from those other friendships because she gets rides different places, or has some excuse and reason for not being able to do _____ thing when other people ask. You start to look at people in terms of their motivations and reliability as the years go on. Sometimes they'll have a solid reason for not being able to hang out or help you, like work or their kids. Other times, it will be some bs reason to save face, like "No, I can't let you stay at my house when you're locked out of your apartment, because it's a mess in here." (True story.) But even someone who has solid excuses for years, can eventually just start giving off fraud vibes when their actions speak louder than their words. A lot of people are simple and just want you to drive their ass around, or look at you as some means to an end. What I see happening here is you're too mature for this old friend group, and you don't deserve its drama. You have your own place - with a swimming pool, no less - and I'm willing to bet that your life is in better order than some of these other peoples' when you get right down to it. You should be friends with other people because they actually want to be friends and care, not because they can get something from you, or even because they just don't want to be alone.

Pardon, I misread the part about you being 16 years old. Still, the fact stands - you are way more mature than this friend group.

Indeed she is - so we'll edit your statement: "Oof, do women" to "Oof, do Narcisstic women". Aside from that niblet - REALLY stellar post, Bal! :))))))

Life changes a lot as we grow. Thats exactly as its supposed to be. Sometimes we grow apart from same as we learn to like new people.