AITP?

I'm Aydan, 27 years old. I have been noticing something weird for years now, that I deliberately push to the back of my mind everytime. I have 2 younger siblings, and we're all 2 years apart from each other. I love them of course! However, recently the weird behaviours have been more frequent and it seems like it's been done on purpose. My siblings tend to ignore me on purpose and/or "put me in my place" whenever I talk to them. It'll be topics that they bring up or a debates they start out of nowhere and would expect me to respond or actually give my two cents on. I would decline mostly because numerous times they never actually paid attention or would actually point out how lacking of knowledge I actually am on the topics they chose. When they share and talk about anything, me losing focus for a second would result them in getting angry, frustrated and they would storm away from me and not say a word at all afterwards. They share and sometimes overshare things from work that I couldn't really relate to and if I just listen but not give a feedback or opinion, I would be deemed annoying and they would leave angry and frustrated. On other occasions, if I tried giving them advice, I am trying to act smart when I'm actually not.. AITP? What should I do? It just feels like I am wrong no matter what I do..

Hi Aydan, This sounds like an issue of damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you can just decline and avoid discussing any issues with your siblings, and they don't get mad at you over that, then I would advise doing that. Not that age matters a whole lot here, especially a difference of 2 or 4 years, but I can see where it would be annoying feeling lectured by your younger siblings all of the time. Do you think it's possible the issue is that you aren't listening and thinking enough about the discussions they bring up? You might not be approaching those topics with a sense of seriousness, or might have a thoughtless opinion on the matter. And I guess it's alright to feel detached from an issue, but at the same time a big problem in the world right now is that people usually "pass the buck", and only care about issues that they feel directly impact them. Or, more often, people completely misinterpret the way things go either because they're being misled or else they haven't brushed up on the subject enough. You can try to give things a bit more thought, and try to pause and give your siblings time to speak and respond, and think about what they say. Learning and having discussions shouldn't boil down to arguing, name-calling and fighting, however. It should be an intelligent discussion, with open minds. But if you don't think you and your siblings are realistically capable of having that mature, calm discussion, then I wouldn't bother and I'd continue to avoid it. What I will tell you is, the best thing to do is just be yourself and believe what you believe. If your siblings (I mean they are your siblings, so you should be able to trust them) want to talk politics or whatever, then they should know who you are and where you stand on issues, and vice-versa. And be open to learning and growing, and remind them to, too.

Hello Balance, Thank you for taking the time to give your advice. Yes, I agree that age is not the problem here. They know they could freely share their opinions and thoughts where needed and there will be no wrong or right answers to it. I would love to avoid having discussions on topics that they bring up because I admit, I lack knowledge on those. However, they would continue to bug me for my opinions and if I stayed silent, it's always " knew you weren't smart enough", getting in my face to mock me for not "knowing anything" or slamming doors because I "ignore them". These wouldn't be a problem for me, but our parents would come out to check and ask what's going on and wouldn't leave it alone. When they break and explained to our parents what happened, parents will go "it's nothing serious", "so, what gave you the right to slam the door" etc.. Somehow, my siblings would fault me for making a big deal out of it. This is what happens when I choose to be quiet and just listen. I have no knowledge on the topics, so I listen. If I ask genuine questions to better understand the topic (quantum physics for example because my brother loves talking about it), I am wasting his time because "how can someone not be smart enough?". When it comes to them sharing about work for instance, I listen and not say anything because I don't know their colleagues or working environment. And they take it as an offense because I am ignoring them. My phone is down, full attention given though. When I say something because it is mandatory for me to "have to share on what I would do", I am labelled a know-it-all or I shouldn't have a say in it because I don't know what it's like at their workplace... I don't share my views on politics with them because when I did, I was apparently following a trend to appear smart.. I don't know Balance.. I will always continue to listen to their problems, but I don't know if I should stay silent or give advice. It seems like I am either trying to appear smart, I don't care enough or I am stupid to not know something "so simple". I don't know what to do anymore. They're only ever happy if I nod and agree, don't ask too much questions and only ever say what they want to hear.. That's not having a discussion. Or maybe I'm in the wrong. If staying silent and just listening is wrong, sharing my opinions is wrong, asking questions to try to understand what they're talking about is wrong, then what should I do? It just feels like I am set out to just be someone who's supposed to go with the flow, nod my head and shut my mouth and am only helpful when they agree with what they want to hear. Thank you anyway, Balance. I'll try to read some on the topics they love talking about to have a better understanding and see where I go from there. I appreciate your advice. The question is, should I just stay silent and compliant just to satisfy them? Again, thank you though.

Hi Ayden, I'm screechingly busy at the moment but - don't go anywhere; I'd like to give my input just as soon as I can (couple of days or if I'm lucky, tonight). I don't think you're the problem here, and I wouldn't be surprised if you're feeling quite desperate by now. Hang tight - back soon. :)

Hello Soulmate, I'll be here. I don't know if I'm not the problem, but yes... Am pretty desperate here if I say so myself.. Waiting on your reply soon.

Hi again! I've been waylaid (guests staying), but will be free from Sunday OR, will make you first call if/when I get a window before then. And, NO, you're not the problem. It's too clear THEY are. You'll have to adopt tried-and-tested ways to stop or prevent them from being a problem. Be back asap - don't despair! :)

...Meanwhile, this should help... https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-lost-children-when-behavior-problems-traumatize-siblings/ "Q: What do the other children in the family experience when they have a brother or sister who’s hostile or acts out chronically? James: It’s traumatizing when something hurtful happens to you, and you can’t control it, you can’t stop it, you can’t predict how hurtful it’s going to be, and you can’t predict when or whether it’s going to happen. Children who grow up with a chronically defiant, oppositional sibling grow up in an environment of trauma. They don’t know when they’re going to be verbally abused. They don’t know when their things are going to be broken. They don’t know when there’s going to be a major breakdown in the kitchen, and someone’s going to be restrained as they’re yelling and screaming. Often, acting out kids target their siblings as sources of power. It makes them feel powerful to say mean or abusive things or to hurt their siblings. They like that feeling of power, so they do it over and over again. Several things happen in the mind of a child who lives with this kind of trauma. First, the siblings of acting out kids become used to witnessing outbursts, and it has a negative effect on them in the long run. These are people who grow up willing to accept higher levels of abuse in their marriages and their friendships. They become desensitized to disrespect and abuse. They become numb to how it really feels to be called a name. They tolerate higher levels of disrespect and abuse in other areas of their life once they become adults. Their ability to be assertive also diminishes." They learn not to assert themselves. They learn how to avoid people and situations, and it can hamper their social skills. In our world, a certain degree of assertiveness is necessary to communicate in a way that gets your needs met, and these kids don’t learn how to do that. I’ve worked with the siblings of kids who act out in my practice, and they are, by and large, nice kids, but they have a lot of problems asserting what the problem is with their sibling and confronting it. They make a lot of excuses for their sibling’s behavior and abuse. They tend to defend him to outsiders, and it develops a very unhealthy social persona in them. Q: The child with the behavior problem tends to get most, if not all of the attention in the family. What effect does this have on the other children? James: My experience is that this manifests itself in two ways. One is that the sibling becomes what is called a “lost child.” This is a child who avoids family situations. When a family discussion starts to get a little heated, this kid disappears into his room. As things get more complex and as he gets older, he stays in his room more. He avoids conflict and confrontation. In emotionally charged situations such as dinnertime, the lost child will tend to avoid dinner because the acting out child uses it as a forum for his aggression. The lost child will tend to say he’s not hungry or his stomach hurts. Anything to get away from the tension and abuse. On the other end of the spectrum, kids will develop higher levels of attention-seeking behavior that we call “adaptive responses.” For example, a child who’s adapted to a calamitous situation at home shows his adaptive response in school by hiding out. He doesn’t raise his hand. He doesn’t get involved in group activities. He uses an avoidance adaptation in school that makes him stand out as if there’s something socially wrong with him, and it’s how he’s adapted at home. Some kids will act out even more than the hostile sibling, although this is rare. An adaptive response to trauma means avoidance of anxiety and hyper arousal—in other words, watching out for trouble, listening very carefully to catch wind of tension, always remaining on high alert for hostility so that they can catch the pain before it comes. Q: What should parents do to minimize the negative effects of the acting out child on the other children in the family? James: The first thing parents have to do is make every effort to make the sibling safe. And that leads to them not holding the acting out, abusive kid accountable. No matter what he does. If parents are afraid of backtalk because it makes them feel powerless, it’s very likely that they’ll tell the defiant child to stop doing it, and the child will say, “I don’t have to listen to you.” The parent feels as though there’s nothing they can do about it, and that leads to them not hold the child accountable because they don’t want to be embarrassed and feel powerless." ______________________________________________________________ Which bits chime with you/your set-up (present and past)?

Hey there, Soulmate. I would like to start by assuring you that it's ok and I don't mind you taking time to reply at all. Thank you for even taking the time to link the article above. I appreciate it. That alone helps me a bunch, so thank you. "They like that feeling of power, so they do it over and over again." I don't really know if it applies to this, but the feeling of power and satifaction my brother gets when he successsfully "instills" fear in me is something that he haas outrightly admitted before. My sister has power over me in the sense that I can't really do anything without her. She may not do it in an obvious manner, but he tries to guilt trip me often on a lot of things. I haven't talked about it to her, because it feels wrong when she has been someone to step up to the plate when needed. When this happens, another angry outburst will come from my brother. The result will always end with me failing to step up as the older sibling but get shut down right the next moment because apparently it's a little too late now to assert "dominance" and too weak to be the eldest of the bunch. "..siblings of acting out kids become used to witnessing outbursts, and it has a negative effect on them in the long run." "They learn how to avoid people and situations.." For the longest of time I believed that I was the case of the outbursts. "If you wth your words better.." "If you didn't agitate him.." "If you had never gave them face all those years.." "Maybe stop making her angry." I just ouldn't get anything right. So, I learned early on to watch and listen. But, over time, I guess it's just not enough. I thought giving them a safe space to vent, rant and let everything out was the best way to help them. I ended up getting the short straw. My fears are nothing compared to most people. My problems too small to be considered a problem and my mental health issues to stupid to be considered real health issues. Just the other day, I came across a post on Insta about mental health burnout and though I checked almost all the symptoms, I am not a mom, a caregiver nor am I working long hours to pay rent. I felt really stupid to be able to relate to the post so much but also not at the same time. It crossed my mind then, that just maybe, I'm blowing things out of proportion? I don't know. "They tend to defend him to outsiders, and it develops a very unhealthy social persona in them." I don't know about this, but I have been told that i speak a bit too highly of my siblings and when they really meet them, their expectations were not met. I mean it when they achieve much higher things than I ever could. Awards for studies, curriculum, and actually having the courage to try out different jobs to find something they really want to do. I tried those things and they never worked out for me, so, I'm just working for my parents. A downgrade on my part and upgrade on theirs? "One is that the sibling becomes what is called a “lost child.”" "He avoids conflict and confrontation." "the lost child will tend to avoid dinner because the acting out child uses it as a forum for his aggression." Now, this is a situation where I could relate to some but I don't think it really fits. First time I ever heard of the term "Lost Child." Avoiding confrontation and conflicts are something I do. I just get exhausted with the cycle because the outcome is always the same. It's like those cliche fairytales where they have the same ending even though they're supposedly different stories. I can't fight a losing battle, right? It's just not worth it. Avoiding dinner is the easiest. For one, my parents are never home for dinner and since they got a shophouse for their eatery, my stepmom has been staying there while my dad comes hoome late at night. When it comes to avoiding dinner with my brother, the excuse of not hungry or I had eaten works all the time. My sister would get all sulky and when I do eat with her, eating speed is a problem. too slow, too fast. Eating dinner with the family has alwas been a problem. What I eat, how much, why eat that etc.. My choice has alwas been a problem. "You're not eating enough." Proceeds to dump whatever they can't finish on my plate. Then it's "You're eating too much.". I knew I can never win, but, I didn't think it would be to such an extent. It sounds extreme or made up, but I promise you it's not, Soulmate. I swear on my life. "He uses an avoidance adaptation in school that makes him stand out as if there’s something socially wrong with him," I did this and I still do try to make my self as small as possible. Not to gain attention, to divert the attention away from me. I have always hated being in the spotlight if unnecessary. The teachers would still call me out and classmtes snickers, group projects suck, and I hate it when the conversation that my aunts and uncles have with my parents are about me. They ask me questions but my parents answer and it's always "She's not doing enough" or "She could do better". I hte it, but staying silent always helps the situation to end faster. I am guilty of actually feeling a bit of satisfaction when the same thing happens to my siblings though. I didn't say I was a good person. I never was and am not. "avoidance of anxiety and hyper arousal—in other words, watching out for trouble, listening very carefully to catch wind of tension, always remaining on high alert for hostilityavoidance of anxiety and hyper arousal—in other words, watching out for trouble, listening very carefully to catch wind of tension, always remaining on high alert for hostility" I was always made to believe that this was a good traaait to have. To be observant? My late grandmother always said that it's one of the traits of my late grandfather. It made me feel proud to have a piece of him. He has always been there to help with my studies but was absent in other areas. Both my late grandparents have been absent emotionally for me though. So, when i heard from my late grandmother that I have always been observant like him was something I was proud of. It seemed normal. Until now that is. "The first thing parents have to do is make every effort to make the sibling safe." "The parent feels as though there’s nothing they can do about it, and that leads to them not hold the child accountable because they don’t want to be embarrassed and feel powerless."" I have never felt safe with them to be who I really am. I actually remember once when I was in Primary 6. A classmate pointed out how I behaved differently with the adult family members of my family around. They mentioned how I was so carefree in school during lunchtime and after school, but I would always clam up and be totally quiet and distant when Parent-Teacher meetings take place. I started observing my classmates interaction with their parents and that's when I realise what they were talking about. A handful of us, me included, would try to be on our "best behaviour" to appease our parents so that whatever discussion they had with our teachers would result in a slightly lighter "punishment", if you would have it. Some of them, remain their usual smiley-selves and would only look abashed but could still exchange a joke or two afterwards. That threw me off a lot. When I asked if they had to face consequences afterwards, jokng like that infront of the teachers and all, they were just given the advice to tell their parents if they need more extra help or tuition if they want to. We could never. I even got smacked across the head with my Report Book because the teacher suggested I transfer to a sports school to hone my skills rather than it being wasted. My siblings turned out amazing and even got an award or two. I didn't and any other awards for good conduct or completing 3 years in my schools National Cadet Corps was just mediocre. I agree that it's nothing compared to academic achievements, but I would have appreciated a pat on the back at least. Also, update on me actually reading on the topics that interest my brother. It didn't work. I made a whole booklet of notes and even tried to understand using the simplest of terms. I was hit with a "stop trying so hard" for my attempt. Fingers crossed that he doesn't bring up complex topics again. I don't want to get destroyed by his intelligence if I can help it. Hope to hear from you soon, Soulmate. Until then, Aydan.

Hi Ayden, sorry I'm late...visual migraine...can't post a thing when that happens...it's the weather over here in Spain...VERY heavy pressure compared to UK where I emigrated from fairly recently. But I always will reply so - thanks for your patience and understanding :) ...I appreciate it, even if your siblings don't. (:p - to them, haha). "I don't really know if it applies to this, but the feeling of power and satifaction my brother gets when he successsfully "instills" fear in me is something that he haas outrightly admitted before." Then that, admitting it, demonstrates just how arrogant and bulshy he is! You're his ELDER...bit of bloody respect, please?! Frankly, he sounds like he needs a damn good spanking. Q1. What did you say, first time he spewed that nasty cockiness/jeering? 2. Have you ever sat your parents down and told them what Hell-on-Legs he is, verbally/conversationally - basically, interactionally? That's what they're there for, after all. 2b. BTW - what percentage of the time is he nice/normal versus not? (I call this their Dark-to-Light Ratio. In normal siblings it's usually never more than roughly 25-30% max / 70%-plus.) You'll need to use this to illustrate to them just HOW bane-of-your-life he's become. "My sister has power over me in the sense that I can't really do anything without her." 3. What do you mean, WHAT can't you do without her? "She may not do it in an obvious manner, but he tries to guilt trip me often on a lot of things. I haven't talked about it to her, because it feels wrong when she has been someone to step up to the plate when needed." 4. Are you saying, whenever she helps you with something, he 'gets a cob on' and picks/pecks at you?? ...whereupon, she SORT-OF, but just pettily/bare-minimally, joins in? 5. Does she ever help him with anything? Do you suppose she's 'cooperating' with him so's to avoid becoming 'you' (his target)?...but yet, voting with her feet ("get lost, nasty boy!") by refusing to help him?..., meaning, this is about sibling jealousy?... sister, meanwhile, trying to sit on the fence so's not to fall out with either of you? I mean - you sound VERY female-friendly (highly sensitive, well-meaning, and with 'shockingly' good manners for your age). Why WOULDN'T you (secretly) be her favourite? Does she ever start the contentions, as in, inadvertently cause by raising a hot topic? Have a think. It MIGHT be that she also likes being roundabout fought over... I mean - you don't help someone you don't LIKE, do you. "When this happens, another angry outburst will come from my brother. The result will always end with me failing to step up as the older sibling but get shut down right the next moment because apparently it's a little too late now to assert "dominance" and too weak to be the eldest of the bunch." Yeah. Because it's not ABOUT what you do or don't, can or can't, say. It's just his STAGE...his having an EXCUSE to psychologically beat you up. See it? That explains WHY you can't win whether you do or don't/can or can't. See it now? "..siblings of acting out kids become used to witnessing outbursts, and it has a negative effect on them in the long run." "They learn how to avoid people and situations.." For the longest of time I believed that I was the case of the outbursts. "If you wth your words better.."" Rubbish - you're incredibly articulate. See? It's just cover crap...a way to kick up a load of dust to blur the fact he's creating excuses he's beating up his OLDER brother (power rush). 7. Why doesn't he have a child's normal amount of power? Why's he having to use you and steal yours (steal your status)? "If you didn't agitate him.." "If you had never gave them face all those years.." "Maybe stop making her angry." 8. Are you quoting your parents there? I'll pause there at that pivotal point. If you can answer those questions for me, I'll then tackle the remainder of your post? I will, however, point something out to you: If your brother is having to create a situation where he can pretend to be justified in beating you up...if he's having to find EXCUSES to criticise the uck out of you, then, what does that tell you? Answer: You are faultless. He has no dirt on you to fling at you. So he manufactures dirt. You're an Angel. :) You've had to put YEARS AND YEARS'-worth of thought and work into becoming squeaky-clean, eh.

"2b. BTW - what percentage of the time is he nice/normal versus not? (I call this their Dark-to-Light Ratio. In normal siblings it's usually never more than roughly 25-30% max / 70%-plus.) You'll need to use this to illustrate to them just HOW bane-of-your-life he's become." Just to clarify: 70%-plus Nice/Loving/Cooperative versus 25-30% not. Oh - and please define the 'not': (a) Tiresome pest (b) Dread-worthy arsehole (c) Chucky (d) All of the above. And it doesn't have to be factual - it's more about how hard (drip-drip-drip - Water Torture) it's impacting on you (who is naturally socially intelligent thus extra-sensitive with it). So if he FEELS now like Chucky or (d), say so.

Oh wait - another importance reassurance. Of COURSE you can be proud of being as observant as your Grandad. But great qualities don't WORK with aholes. The more 'shiny' you are - the more they resent you (for existing) yet, at the same time, use you as a toilet to puke that resentment into. (And they don't even have the grace to flush!) Right Qualities (yours) WRONG RECIPIENT(S). Don't worry, there are piss-easy (AND highly self-amusing) ways to get them under control. It's on your plate whether you (we empath-rebels) like it or not so you may as well deal with it, laughing and gaffawing, eh. ;) ('You're surrounded by an idiot.')

"I hte it, but staying silent always helps the situation to end faster. I am guilty of actually feeling a bit of satisfaction when the same thing happens to my siblings though. I didn't say I was a good person. I never was and am not. " You ARE a good person. That sense of ego-equalisation (satisfaction) is how all victims feel or react. Because they're good *humans*, not Saints. Mind you - even Saints would inevitably break...and probably even throw something! THAT'S HOW MUCH THESE TYPES GET TO YOU. (PS: There are ways to end it even faster - whereby next time, it doesn't even start. No worries. Just a bit of mental workouts - FAR less than you're accustomed to doing so - win/win.) (PPS: bit confused about this bit, though: "They ask me questions but my parents answer and it's always "She's not doing enough" or "She could do better"". Did you choose a male name as your alias to stop them finding you on here or something?)

Hey there Soulmate :) Sorry about your migraine.. I do suffer from severe cases of migraine from time to time and when paired with vertigo? Really great recipe for disaster. I hope you're feeling better now. I know you've probably heard this LOTS of times, but make sure to keep yourself hydrated as best as you can. :Q1. What did you say, first time he spewed that nasty cockiness/jeering?" What could I say? He has the smarts, wits and the more I fight back, the more I'll end up being shredded to pieces. I clam up and ignored him. He tried to rile me up like he did when we were younger, and it resulted in us having fist fights, bruises, split lips etc. I was the one who got a good whipping because "You should have known to control your temper because, you're older" and "The nerve of you to find it justifiable to hit a person younger, and much smaller than you!" To be honest, it felt like bullcrap to me. He was training martial arts with our neighbourhood foodball coach, while I visualised sequence from reading books. Okay. Maybe, not a good excuse. But isn't it self defense if he threw the first punch? So, to avoid that, I stayed silent and ignored him to the best of my abilities. He got antsy but he left me alone afterwards and no physical injuries. My ego's a bit bruised, but nothing I'm not used to. "2. Have you ever sat your parents down and told them what Hell-on-Legs he is, verbally/conversationally - basically, interactionally? That's what they're there for, after all." Well, my parents were never around. They were both police officers back then and weren't really home. When they were home, it's often them just catching up on sleep and/or "disciplining" us on whatever report our late grandmother had on our "disciplinary conduct" at home while they were away. I for one dreaded the times they're at home. Fear, hate everything all in one. They would never listen, would easily lift their hands at any moment and we were all left with more bruises on our faces from the slaps and backhanding, welts and open cuts on our calfs and backs from their belts or whatever they had in their hands. Sounds petty to still be stuck up on that, I know. However, there's just some things you can't forget even if you tried to. In conclusion, no. I have never sat them down because they weren't around to do so and it will still be on me for not knowing how to educate my younger siblings even with my stepmom now. "2b. BTW - what percentage of the time is he nice/normal versus not? (I call this their Dark-to-Light Ratio. In normal siblings it's usually never more than roughly 25-30% max / 70%-plus.) You'll need to use this to illustrate to them just HOW bane-of-your-life he's become." He's nice when there are people who actually tries to talk crap about my sister and I, when we're agreeing with him on certain things and then it's back to sitting on his throne. He said it's fair because, I use to ignore him when we were younger and now, he could get our attention easily. I did ignore him. I didn't like him very much. Actually, both of them. I never really got any time with my parents and then 2 years after I was born, my sister came. All the attention went to her. Understandably so, given she was born a month earlier. Our late grandfather loved her and suddenly she's the golden apple to him. 2 years after, my brother was born. Now, our late grandmother fell in love with him. He could do no wrong in her eyes. And to top it all off, the only grandson from our dad. Damn right I'm salty. I got applauded for riding the bike on my own without the training wheels. One night. The next day, it's forgotten. My sister wrote her name by herself, my brother kicked a ball. I read a book on my own and it was lukewarm. "Of course, you could. You're 6." Yes, I ignored them most of the time, because a slight shove or refusing to play because I didn't want to is a problem. At the slightest whine from either of them, I'd get a "I knew you were trying to hurt my grandson" from my late grandmother or "I knew you are a bad influence to my grand-daughter" from our late grandfather. I was the "violent" child even when they hurt each other and I wasn't involved. When I say I wasn't there when whatever happened took place, I was deemed irresponsible because I should have been watching them. I try to stop an argument, I got shouted at because "Who do you think you are trying to educate them on what's right or wrong?!". I naturally drew a line and learned to look out for signs to move away before I get blamed when things go wrong. I'm not going to wait and let myself get chewed out when they have an argument. So, yeah. I kind of get where he's coming from... "3. What do you mean, WHAT can't you do without her?" I wasn't let out much as a kid. I was mostly stuck under the rock called "house" and wouldn't really be allowed to go anywhere other than school, getting grocerries from the nearby market or store nearby or the playground if the kiddies wanted to go. It was bad enough that I wasn't invited over to birthday parties or sleepovers because they know that I wasn't allowed to come anyway. So, now I am only re-learning how to take the public transport and how to get from one point to the other with her guidance. I think my first sleepover was during a schoolcamp and I was 13 becaue it was mandatory. I was so excited. Anyway, I can't really get anywhere without her and I tried multiple times to do so myself. Let's just say, it's a good thing we live in a small country. I can get important things done, like my medical check ups and whatnot as they are a 15-30 minutes walk away. An being a socially awkward person doesn't really help my situation when I try to get to places further away. When I tried to apply for college, she was the one who went with me. Though, I got rejected. That's a long story for another time... So, yes. There you have it. "4. Are you saying, whenever she helps you with something, he 'gets a cob on' and picks/pecks at you?? ...whereupon, she SORT-OF, but just pettily/bare-minimally, joins in?" Nothing left to say. Right on the nail there, Soulmate. You just summarised the whole thing. "5. Does she ever help him with anything? Do you suppose she's 'cooperating' with him so's to avoid becoming 'you' (his target)?...but yet, voting with her feet ("get lost, nasty boy!") by refusing to help him?..., meaning, this is about sibling jealousy?... sister, meanwhile, trying to sit on the fence so's not to fall out with either of you?" "I mean - you sound VERY female-friendly (highly sensitive, well-meaning, and with 'shockingly' good manners for your age). Why WOULDN'T you (secretly) be her favourite?" She helps him with a lot of things I could never. Bank loans, travel fares, car petrol etc. She set her boundaries but sometimes feels bad for him (and he doesn't deserve that with how he treats people around him), hence why I think she's better than me in that sense. She doesn't mind a falling out because he knows she will win the argument with him. He tends to come back to her because she provides almost everything(not all the time, but..). I can't really tell with her.. I don't think I am anyone's favourite for the matter. I am ever anyone's favourite when I do them a favour. "7. Why doesn't he have a child's normal amount of power? Why's he having to use you and steal yours (steal your status)?" Well, if that's what he was trying to do, then he's completely mistaken. I didn't have power then and I hve none now.. So, he's losing a match that wasn't even there to begin with. "8. Are you quoting your parents there?" Parents and adults round us over the years. Still going on now by the way. "You're an Angel. :) You've had to put YEARS AND YEARS'-worth of thought and work into becoming squeaky-clean, eh." I'm no Angel, that's for sure. Squeaky-clean? I don't know. Are we ever "squeaky-clean"? Are humans ever? We all have our dirty laundry and skeletons in our closet. "Just to clarify: 70%-plus Nice/Loving/Cooperative versus 25-30% not. Oh - and please define the 'not': (a) Tiresome pest (b) Dread-worthy arsehole (c) Chucky (d) All of the above. And it doesn't have to be factual - it's more about how hard (drip-drip-drip - Water Torture) it's impacting on you (who is naturally socially intelligent thus extra-sensitive with it). So if he FEELS now like Chucky or (d), say so." I don't want to be unreasonable but I have to say (d).. Wow... How am I any different from him now? "('You're surrounded by an idiot.')" I'd have to say, I'm as much as an idiot to let it get this far.. The blame is on me as much as it is on anyone. "(PPS: bit confused about this bit, though: "They ask me questions but my parents answer and it's always "She's not doing enough" or "She could do better"". Did you choose a male name as your alias to stop them finding you on here or something?)" Oh no. Yeah.. Everyone's first thought with my name is a male but I'm not. Yes, this is an alias so as to not let anyone find out it's me, just in case. But my real name has always been gender-neutral for some reason. Aydan is a name from a story I wrote back in Secondary school. It kind of stucked with me. No more confusion, I am a female (does that sound bad?). I'm a woman. I don't know. Anyway, do take care. I know I mentioned it above but hydration is important. I'm not trying to sound annoying or pretending to be a doctor, rest is important with migraines. I'll just end it here. Talk to you whenever you can. Aydan.

Hey again, Aydie (- is that alright?)! I (or the network) are low on juice at the mo and I need to preserve it until I find out what the problem is, so please bear with me for a few more days as I don't want to scrimp on my response to you (it'll be a long one). The migraines have stopped again, though - thanks! :) Speak soon! (PS: ANYONE ELSE FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN.)

PS Aydie - this had me on the floor, nearly wetting myself I laughed so hard! "I don't want to get destroyed by his intelligence if I can help it." (Just typing it out it's started me off all over again!!! Nah. YOU'RE the intelligent one. They're the Runts of the pack, trying to convince you YOU are. ...Think that through and see how many dots it joins - you'll see.)

PPS: I'm not as tactful and diplomatic (with aholes) as you. I'd have already 'clipped' at him: 'Whasswrong with you? Haven't you got any friends to discuss this stuff with?" (Nuff said.)

Again - just quickly: it COULD be that (yes, he's a bit of an ahole, but) he deep-down feels insecure/unprotected because of the parental absence (abandonment), but can't bear to admit it (his acute sense of vulnerability) to you (whom he wants/needs to impress) thus is trying instead to *provoke* you into rearing-up ad dominating - basically, handling - him. Just a possibility that we can bear in mind as we continue our investigation (emotional CID haha, but actually - yes).

In fact, that gave me another idea for a (get-back-in-your-little-box,-kid-bro) quip: "ARGHHH!...Back-back!...your brilliance is searing my eyeballs!..." (heh heh) (your turn again)

Hi, Soulmate! "Hey again, Aydie (- is that alright?)! I (or the network) are low on juice at the mo and I need to preserve it until I find out what the problem is, so please bear with me for a few more days as I don't want to scrimp on my response to you (it'll be a long one)." You know what? Aydie has a nice ring to it^^ Aydie's fine and you can keep using it! I love that a little too much personally, I think. I'll be patiently waiting so don't worry about a thing^^ "The migraines have stopped again, though - thanks! :)" That's good to hear! Glad you're feeling better. "Nah. YOU'RE the intelligent one." Surely doesn't feel like it but thank you. That's at least twice or thrice I've heard intelligent associated with me at all. So, kindda not sure how to roll with that. "I'd have already 'clipped' at him: 'Whasswrong with you? Haven't you got any friends to discuss this stuff with?"" Oh, he does have friends and colleagues to discuss those topics with. He talks about the "discussions" he has at work all the time. I just don't know why he's so hellbent on wanting to bury me or whatever you think his ritual should be called. "Again - just quickly: it COULD be that (yes, he's a bit of an ahole, but) he deep-down feels insecure/unprotected because of the parental absence (abandonment), but can't bear to admit it (his acute sense of vulnerability) to you (whom he wants/needs to impress) thus is trying instead to *provoke* you into rearing-up ad dominating - basically, handling - him. Just a possibility that we can bear in mind as we continue our investigation (emotional CID haha, but actually - yes)." You know I could actually see that. Well, I maybe had that observation for a while now(by that,I mean since forever..?) but there is only so much I can do. He doesn't like it when I "read" him and get 60% of his thoughts on point(his own words, yes) so, I've stopped doing that. Kindda. I don't know how to stop analysing people and their traits, attitude etc. I can't switch it off. My sister has pointed out multiple of times, how I kept observing and "reading" people during their interactions and such. I didn't even know I was doing it.. Can I switch it off? "In fact, that gave me another idea for a (get-back-in-your-little-box,-kid-bro) quip: "ARGHHH!...Back-back!...your brilliance is searing my eyeballs!..." Yeah.. no. I maybe have done that on multiple occasions. Let's just say, fists went flying, a spicy dash of sailor's mouth here and there, surprise attacks from Royalties and winter for the next 3 weeks or so. It was a battle fought with no flag of victory waving in sight(neither were there flags of surrender, but..). And the Grumpy Umpire just shut me up but because I was the easiest to shut down.. No one won, but I sure faced defeat the times that happens. It's a rare ocassion now, because I mostly shut myself up and let it pass. I do wish for some sort of release though.. It's just not worth it in the "Royal State of Bigotry" here. Pardon my words. I'm just tired of everything and everyone... Anyway, nice to hear from you, Soulmate! The mike or baton is yours now^^ Aydan or Aydie?

Heya! Will be with you (and everybody) in the next couple of days.

Hi again, Aydie! Still mad-busy so I'll have to do my reply in bits. So - for now (and this response will automatically bump you back up the board)... ""Again - just quickly: it COULD be that (yes, he's a bit of an ahole, but) he deep-down feels insecure/unprotected because of the parental absence (abandonment), but can't bear to admit it (his acute sense of vulnerability) to you (whom he wants/needs to impress) thus is trying instead to *provoke* you into rearing-up ad dominating - basically, handling - him. Just a possibility that we can bear in mind as we continue our investigation (emotional CID haha, but actually - yes)." You know I could actually see that. Well, I maybe had that observation for a while now(by that,I mean since forever..?) but there is only so much I can do. He doesn't like it when I "read" him and get 60% of his thoughts on point(his own words, yes) so, I've stopped doing that. Kindda. I don't know how to stop analysing people and their traits, attitude etc. I can't switch it off. My sister has pointed out multiple of times, how I kept observing and "reading" people during their interactions and such. I didn't even know I was doing it.. Can I switch it off"" Answer: NNNNOPE! And why would you want to when you're obviously a natural-born psychoanalyst?! (What's your job right now?) Do you know how much time and money people spend to be trained at psychoanalysis???... And 'Him/Her/It Upstairs just chucked that gift into your newborn lap for-free! Right Qualities (yours), WRONG RECIPIENT (him). Or 'ReceipientZ'-plural! Aydie? You've been pushed into the Narcissistic Family Role of Scapegoat (rational Rebel and 'elephant-in-the-room pointer-outer, as in, "THE EMPEROR ISN'T WEARING ANY CLOTHES!', actually). But for brother, you've got that added element of his trying to Parentify you (google "Narcissist - Parentification" - best explanation is on YouTube by Dr Sam Vaknin. With Narcissists or the plain narcissist-IC, it's Parentification simultaneous with Domination/'Kittenifying', meaning, you have to keep dancing on your toes, as you (google) walk on eggshells, between being their parent AND unimportant kid ("cuckoo!"). Google "Narcissistic Family Roles". You can be Scapegoat on a Mondee and family Rescuer on a Tuesdee...never know WHERE you are or WHERE you stand from one day (or moment!) to the next. Is that resonating with you? ...And your parent sit there, running you down (as WELL as speaking for you - which is a little-known but rife narc parent characteristic as comes under "Isolating The Victim". When was the last time you had a kind word or a hug? (Is sister your only friend(ish) in that fam?) Basically, they all feel threatened and/or (pathologically) envious of you because *by just being your natural self* (whom is the only fine, healthy, VERY talented specimen, but (they hope) defenseless because you're a minority, outnumbered by runts), you show them (and their issues) up.... 'Shut her up, shut her up! Squish her down, squish her down - quick! There is nothing wrong with this family - it's her...she's too sensitive, she reads too much into everything, gets it wrong, blah blah BS blah...'. (Seen it all before, heard it all before.) Join the club. LOADS of 'Scapegoats' aka 'Black Sheep of the Family' here. (Independent-Minded 'n Proud! :p 'No, I won't shut up; sort yourselves out, finally - you're pettily evil and ridiculous both!'). And already-evidently, deeply empathetic with it. Yup! I can see how runts would resent you MAJORLY just for existing. They try so incredibly hard to delude themselves (including seeking or forcing fodder for that via others' feedback) that THEY are the fine, healthy, special/important specimens....and you interfere with that. Just by breathing. By the time you fully realise this, get a handle on them and yourself, fly the nest, you're going to SOAR...FAR HIGHER THAN THEM... So that's why the constant pecking and trying to clip your wings (oh, she's this wrong thing, that wrong thing). Aydie, have you any idea how much a psychoanalyst earns per hour? I mean - if you worked out that Sense Of Abandonment/Parentification element in Brother (Bother) all by yourself, then - UCK ME, YOU'RE GOOOOOD! Oh, and NONE of this is your fault. It's actually-establishedly-factually, psychologically, NOT POSSIBLE to be at fault in any relationship(s) with Narcissists or the overly narcissistic, especially not when you're trapped in the same house as them. I'll explain how, next time. For now... (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((GIANT PARENTAL HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) *Too* lovely, is your 'fault'. We just need to open your eyes all the way, and then you'll naturally toughen-up and stop being so tolerant of issue-ridden but emotionally-intelligently clueless and helpless aholes. (Narcissistic Family nicknames (take yer pick): Farter or Dud Smother, Mugger or Bum Bother Blister Carbuncle Can't-ie Feel free to compose your own. :) For now (because to change these types you have to alter yourself to affect or block their own reactions to your attempts to self-defend/protect) - you can be that incredibly sweet, compassionate, considerate, etc. to me and anyone else who approaches YOU nicely, but don't waste that Fairy Dust on gits, save it for the nice & decents like you. Do NOT reward bad behaviour. You don't have to be hostile or aggressive. Just go boring and useless. Google "How to go Grey Rock" (or Gray for American articles). For, if you get OUT of their crosshairs and refuse to get back in - GUARANTEED they will turn their sights on the next available person. You do have to be consistent, though. Meantime, you can get relief, i.e., be yourself and sparkle and joke around/whatever as much as you like, on here with us lot. When was the last time you had fun or even a laugh, anyway?

PS: "Let's just say, fists went flying," Physical Assault. "a spicy dash of sailor's mouth here and there," Verbal Abuse. "surprise attacks from Royalties" Huh? Don't get that bit? "and winter for the next 3 weeks or so." The Silent Treatment. Google those prefixed with "Narcissist -". You'll see. Three whole weeks Silent Treatment, though? That indicates high on the scale! Who's the first to crack? Him? Is that why it takes 3 whole weeks? Has it always been c. 3 weeks or has it been getting longer and longer over time? PPS: "Pardon my words. I'm just tired of everything and everyone..." Pardon WHAT words, WHERE? What??? You obviously THINK you're being nasty/curt/rude, BUT YOU'RE NOT. Not even remotely! I mean - No offense, Aydie, but you wouldn't win ANY prizes in a Slanging Match. You can afford to be a LOT 'nastier' (lot-lot-lot). And NO, saying what you said does NOT make you as bad as him (don't make me laugh!). He's the Antagonist. You? You're the victim, just defending yourself by-necessity (of protecting your own sense of self-worth and sanity). In a court of law, it's called, Reactive Abuse as is considered the Narc Victim brand of unavoidable (they're relentless) or involuntary (when pushed so far you crack) Self-Defence of their mental and/or bodily welfare due to systematic Attack and Abuse. That's the difference that makes ALL the difference. They pretend they're justified despite knowing they're not. You ARE justified despite not knowing you are. (Again, happens to the very best of us, you betcha.)

Important question: ""a spicy dash of sailor's mouth here and there," Verbal Abuse." Does he ever call you the C-word? How often?

"Hi again, Aydie! Still mad-busy so I'll have to do my reply in bits. So - for now (and this response will automatically bump you back up the board)..." Hey Soulmate! No worries and no hurry there^^ I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you.. Just got back from a trip. It was supposed to be a birthday trip for my sister, but my brother controlled every aspect of it(no surprise there) and 75% of the trip was just horrible.. The 25% was fun because we got our time alone but most of the damage has been done... Anyways! "Answer: NNNNOPE! And why would you want to when you're obviously a natural-born psychoanalyst?! (What's your job right now?) Do you know how much time and money people spend to be trained at psychoanalysis???... And 'Him/Her/It Upstairs just chucked that gift into your newborn lap for-free!" Psychoanalyst. That's a new term and I'm only learning about it now. I will have to read about it. It's peaked my interest! "Google "Narcissistic Family Roles". You can be Scapegoat on a Mondee and family Rescuer on a Tuesdee...never know WHERE you are or WHERE you stand from one day (or moment!) to the next. Is that resonating with you?" This is exactly it! One moment it's "You should start disciplining your younger siblings(I read:children) and the next it's "You have no right to teach them when you're not even right yourself! How dare you think yourself as their parent!" Um he did tell me to be their "mom" when he divorced with our bio mom! It's confusing and frustrating! ".And your parent sit there, running you down (as WELL as speaking for you - which is a little-known but rife narc parent characteristic as comes under "Isolating The Victim" Well.. That makes a lot of sense... "When was the last time you had a kind word or a hug? (Is sister your only friend(ish) in that fam?)" Not too long ago! When you said I was the intelligent one..? That was really nice of you and it made me smile. Hug I don't remember. Maybe when I was 6? I don't really know.. Been a hot minute. I've never admitted this to anyone but I get really overwhelmed when I read stories where the characters get wrapped up in warm comforting hugs. It may be one they got from a parent, friend or lover. I just get this cold/warm feeling through my body and get really teary-eyed. Never admitted it to anyone before and now it's on a platform. My sister is the only friend(ish) one, yes. "Join the club. LOADS of 'Scapegoats' aka 'Black Sheep of the Family' here. (Independent-Minded 'n Proud! :p 'No, I won't shut up; sort yourselves out, finally - you're pettily evil and ridiculous both!'). And already-evidently, deeply empathetic with it." Just to be sure. This is good..? "Aydie, have you any idea how much a psychoanalyst earns per hour? I mean - if you worked out that Sense Of Abandonment/Parentification element in Brother (Bother) all by yourself, then - UCK ME, YOU'RE GOOOOOD!" Umm...no? And scratch what I said above. The last time I've heard a kind word? Now. Well, I read it! I really need to get started on reading about this psychoanalyst thing! "For now... (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((GIANT PARENTAL HUG))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))" That's really nice! Thank you!!! "*Too* lovely, is your 'fault'. We just need to open your eyes all the way, and then you'll naturally toughen-up and stop being so tolerant of issue-ridden but emotionally-intelligently clueless and helpless aholes." Lovely has never been something anyone I've known would describe me, so... I'm down for the tips though. "(Narcissistic Family nicknames (take yer pick): Farter or Dud Smother, Mugger or Bum Bother Blister Carbuncle Can't-ie Feel free to compose your own. :)" Ooh! Those are really creative names^^ Well, I do have something I still use sometimes.. Know-it-all-snob(KIAS) for my brother, Grouchy Potato(sister) and Royaals(parents). That'show I refer to them in my diary anyways. I keep a record of the hurtful names that they call me so I wouldn't forget. Call me petty. I am. "For now (because to change these types you have to alter yourself to affect or block their own reactions to your attempts to self-defend/protect) - you can be that incredibly sweet, compassionate, considerate, etc. to me and anyone else who approaches YOU nicely, but don't waste that Fairy Dust on gits, save it for the nice & decents like you. Do NOT reward bad behaviour." Again. I'm not sweet. Compassionate I don't know. Considerate..? I will try to NOT reward bad behaviour. "When was the last time you had fun or even a laugh, anyway?" I don't know. Yesterday when I spent time with my sister in a photobooth because she wanted to? I honestly don't know. It'll be cheesy or corny, but I think the last time I was truly happy was when I was 7.. "surprise attacks from Royalties" The parents. You know.. The Royalties of the Royal State of Bigotry. "Who's the first to crack? Him? Is that why it takes 3 whole weeks? Has it always been c. 3 weeks or has it been getting longer and longer over time?" I can proudly say that it's him. I can take a little pride in that.. surely? It's always been that long since it started. That's the only constant thing here anyway. "PPS: "Pardon my words. I'm just tired of everything and everyone..." Pardon WHAT words, WHERE? What???" This? " It's just not worth it in the "Royal State of Bigotry" here. Pardon my words. I'm just tired of everything and everyone..." That was kindda rude..no? "You obviously THINK you're being nasty/curt/rude, BUT YOU'RE NOT. Not even remotely! I mean - No offense, Aydie, but you wouldn't win ANY prizes in a Slanging Match. You can afford to be a LOT 'nastier' (lot-lot-lot). And NO, saying what you said does NOT make you as bad as him (don't make me laugh!). He's the Antagonist. You? You're the victim, just defending yourself by-necessity (of protecting your own sense of self-worth and sanity). In a court of law, it's called, Reactive Abuse as is considered the Narc Victim brand of unavoidable (they're relentless) or involuntary (when pushed so far you crack) Self-Defence of their mental and/or bodily welfare due to systematic Attack and Abuse. That's the difference that makes ALL the difference. They pretend they're justified despite knowing they're not. You ARE justified despite not knowing you are." You think so? I don't want to justify everything I do just because I have reason to do so. I don't want to end up like those onn the other side of the fence. I know I can't be right in everything I do... "Does he ever call you the C-word? How often?" C-word? I don't think so..? He's only ever called me an idiot, a good-for-nothing, a b*#$h, overdramatic sensitive fool etc. The worse ones I've had was all by my late grandmother, and my dad. Those I don't actually have to write them down at all actually. Still hear them in my head, tones used and all. I shouldn't feel any stings whatsoever, but it stings a lot somehow. It shouldn't be possible because they're not physical but mental. They don't even scar but they might as well... I'm getting in too deep. Back to my brother, he does that often. Big reason why I keep my mouth shut most of the time. When you keep your opinions to yourself, no arguments come from it and I have my own peace.

"Never admitted it to anyone before and now it's on a platform." And it's not the only one - not by a long chalk! Try searching Emotional or Relationships and have a surf at past threads. And/or, as it's usually me who deals with narcissism or names it outright (my identification, not diagnosis) - search by my alias, 'Soulmate' - and our veteran advisor, 'Manalone'. You'll see. And you'll 'hear' people in your precise same boat. You're part of the majority here. :) Anyhoo - got a guest staying so I may not be able to respond properly until Monday or Tuesday. Just wanted to meantime put your mind at rest, that your admission is not a rare event for us, which means you're not merely a needle in a haystack in terms of being anonymous/unidentifiable, you're a needle in a galaxy-sized haystack! :) No worries. Bit Laters! :)

Hi Soulmate^^ "And it's not the only one - not by a long chalk! Try searching Emotional or Relationships and have a surf at past threads. And/or, as it's usually me who deals with narcissism or names it outright (my identification, not diagnosis) - search by my alias, 'Soulmate' - and our veteran advisor, 'Manalone'. You'll see. And you'll 'hear' people in your precise same boat. You're part of the majority here. :)" I'll give them a read! Just glad to know I'm not the only one. "Anyhoo - got a guest staying so I may not be able to respond properly until Monday or Tuesday. Just wanted to meantime put your mind at rest, that your admission is not a rare event for us, which means you're not merely a needle in a haystack in terms of being anonymous/unidentifiable, you're a needle in a galaxy-sized haystack! :) No worries." Of course! Good luck with your quest! Take your time while I read up on the threads^^ Aydie

Hey, Aydie! Bumping you up, too. With you as soon as I can.

Hi Soulmate! Appreciate it! Just a question? So, psychoanalyst.. I tried looking up examples from the the definition. I know Dr Daniel Charles is not really the definition of a psychoanalyst, but dare I say somewhat close to what a psychoanalyst is? Maybe Law&Order is a good example too? Or did I get the whole definition wrong? I've been trying to understand and learn about it.. Just have always been dense in the academics area.. Anyway, talk to you soon! Aydie^^

You must be American? I can only do a quick post for now as I've got some annoying virus alert (itself a virus, trying to panic and provoke me into clicking) that keeps popping up in front of my screen every 30 (censored) seconds. My techie guy is on the case but we have to continue tomorrow as he had to get to bed (not everyone's a Night Owl) (annoyingly). But that means, meanwhile concentrating on what I'm typing is very difficult.... Ever watched 'Frasier' (an off-shoot series of one of the characters - a psychoanalyst - in 'Cheers')? Both series have won multiple awards (warning: wear incontence pants!) for their genius comedy. If you love hysterical banter and genius put-downs - you'll love it. And obviously, you get an excellent grasp (especially if you watch Cheers first) of what a psychoanalyst does. (In "Frasier" (Dr. Frasier Crane, ex-customer of Cheers Bar in Boston), takes a job in Seattle as a radio phone-in psychoanalyst.) There you go! Learning can be FUNNNNNN, hahaha. (50 Pence, please, thanks)

"Just have always been dense in the academics area.." Yeah...you and a huge number of other young people! And parents/society always complain, unheard, about education focusing too much on purely acadmic subjects - PARTICULARLY since, when, after Covid, they start ditching school Music Lessons, etc. So you're an Artist/Creative, yes? Great imagination? PS: There are ways of building-up your Left brain hemisphere (where academia 'lives') - for the sake of the development goal of becoming Lateral-Mindedness (both hemispheres level-pegged and having become a permanent team), without acadmic studying - e.g. playing an instrument, doing crosswords and other puzzles, listening to classical music, learning a new language (headphones), practising daily to become ambidextrous (starting with small stuff and building to actually writing)...oh, loads. You might want to look into that as well, if you're interested? :)

Oh yes - and dancing! (Another 1P, please ;)))

"You must be American?" Nope^^ Not American.. Would you like to keep guessing? "I can only do a quick post for now as I've got some annoying virus alert (itself a virus, trying to panic and provoke me into clicking) that keeps popping up in front of my screen every 30 (censored) seconds. My techie guy is on the case but we have to continue tomorrow as he had to get to bed (not everyone's a Night Owl) (annoyingly). But that means, meanwhile concentrating on what I'm typing is very difficult...." I'm sorry to hear that.. Happened to me once when I was in school and you wouldn't wanna know how many times I could have ended up in court for assault if my laptop had reported me for it(if it was a living thing, of course). Probably would have lost every single penny I had and ended up on the streets... 'Techie Guy' might not be a night owl, but I'm sure he didn't get the name from a random name generator^^ "Ever watched 'Frasier' (an off-shoot series of one of the characters - a psychoanalyst - in 'Cheers')? Both series have won multiple awards (warning: wear incontence pants!) for their genius comedy. If you love hysterical banter and genius put-downs - you'll love it. And obviously, you get an excellent grasp (especially if you watch Cheers first) of what a psychoanalyst does. (In "Frasier" (Dr. Frasier Crane, ex-customer of Cheers Bar in Boston), takes a job in Seattle as a radio phone-in psychoanalyst.)" Never watched them before and will give them a try! Was looking for new series to watch while working anyway^^ Thank you for the recommendations! Appreciate this so much!! "So you're an Artist/Creative, yes? Great imagination?" Yeaah... Apprently a huge disgrace to my parents because I learn and take in information differently. Colours, diagrams and messy notes etc... Hands-on experiences work way better and I could actually visualise everything and makes sense of things easily. Apparently only kids do that and I should learn to be more like my younger siblings who learns normally and actually excels in their academics. I might have typed a little too harshly while giving that explaination, but who cares. "e.g. playing an instrument, doing crosswords and other puzzles, listening to classical music, learning a new language (headphones), practising daily to become ambidextrous (starting with small stuff and building to actually writing)...oh, loads. You might want to look into that as well, if you're interested? :)" Now this! Not too much of an instrument person, but I do practice with my acoustic guitar sometimes to release any pent-up energy. Puzzles I LIVE AND DIE for^^ Classical music is alright. Don't hate it, but I wouldn't go as far to say I know any classic pieces hehe. Languages I love!! Conversational Korean, learning Japanese at the moment, started to learn German 2 weeks ago^^ Doesn't everyone learn to be ambidextrous? I'm not good, but I do certain things with my left hand better than my right hand sometimes(does being able to use chopsticks with my left hand count..?).. I am certainly going to be looking into that^^ "Oh yes - and dancing!" Haha! Now, this is in no way doable for me.. Two left feet and clumsy even while walking here! Not a goood recipe for a dance routine^^ A blind person dances better than I do! "There you go! Learning can be FUNNNNNN, hahaha. (50 Pence, please, thanks) (Another 1P, please ;)))" Where do I make the payment, Prof? Cash, card or PayPal? ^^ Goodluck with your virus alert, Soulmate! Hope that gets taken care of soon^^ Sending you all the positive, magical energy of the universe! Minus the big asteroids^^ Maybe a small shooting star? It's still an asteroid, but at least you can make a wish with a shooting star(just go with the make-believe! We all need it sometimes^^)? Good luck and .. May the force be with you!! Aydie^^

Hold the phone there, Soulmate! Let me just correct myself^^ "Maybe a small shooting star? It's still an asteroid, but at least you can make a wish with a shooting star(just go with the make-believe! We all need it sometimes^^)?" Meteoroids! Silly me.. Shooting stars are meteoroids! Please do excuse the mistake on my part! Talk to you soon!!

Heya Aydie! I've read everything and, although I don't have time to dissect everything - important to note is that your brother *does* have friends he can discuss his superior knowledge with, but it's his only way to "Lord-it over you" (pump up his dying ego). You're the target because you're considered the most intelligent in the family (or to which he has access). He should be doing this with his dad (trying to beat him at games, etc....the Beta getting to playfight and safely challenge the Alpha). But because he doesn't have a back-up male role-model (superior to him), he's picked you. He gets to feel powerful if he manages to get 'Daddy' in a lather or whatever.... just your mood and emotions affected/dented. Want to try the clever and kind route (the first experiment to see what works or not)? Is there any interest, pursuit or sport that you and he share or used to share and could re-ignite? Also - try speaking to him like a patient, loving parent and see if he suddenly turns into putty in your hands ("rolls over"). And report back (obvs). PS: Are you SURE he has friends - or just lies that he does? You sure they like him and treat him nicely? Know for a fact or - just what he's told you. ************************************************************* "Know-it-all-snob(KIAS) for my brother, Grouchy Potato(sister) and Royaals(parents). That'show I refer to them in my diary anyways. I keep a record of the hurtful names that they call me so I wouldn't forget. Call me petty. I am." Using piss-taking names is highly self-empowering and bully-disempowering. A known psychotherapeutic exercise. How did you know that? See? It's already in your insideys! (Genes...genetic memory.) You must have had analysists further back in your family tree. Or ancestors that got picked-on a lot? Probably both - and other elements. :) Have another hug: (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SQUEEZE-ROCK-SQUEEZE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (Stop struggling, hahahahahaha!)

...I haven't finished replying, btw, but I'm just having to do it by bits due to my time constraints. Feel free to reply as I go, though; no need to wait. Please don't overload me, though (eek!). PS: "Nope^^ Not American.. Would you like to keep guessing?" Indian. ?

'Shooting Star' will do - I know what you mean. :) Classical to sample (I think piano's the prettiest): https://www.youtube.com/shorts/uFBeOUIgekk (Haha! Chopin does do consistently gentle ones too, but I thought it'd be more fun if you found your 'groove' via these shorts about classical. :)) https://www.youtube.com/shorts/IYEFTuKQ4F0 https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZbSTvqfe82o (and note the plagiarism by the rock band, The White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0J2QdDbelmY) Some of my fave pieces: Chopin and Liszt (a whole continuous playlist): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1fVCIfpwVM (Fab to go to sleep to!) Rachmaninoff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJpJ8REjvqo&t=48s (Fab to wake up to, haha!) And this there are no words for, except, breathtaking and magical ...Twchaikovsky's Swan Lake aka Piano Concerto No. 1. Grieg is also gorgeous. Plus you could try listening online to the UK's "Classic FM" radio station? Excellent. I often have it playing while I'm typing here.

...Duuuh - forgot the Tchaikovsky link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjMWmAdw9OU

AND for Classic FM: https://www.classicfm.com/radio/ It plays every type of classical - from concertos and symphonies to amazing film scores...a little of opera... My favourite presenters are Myleen Klass (Late Night Classics evenings 9pm) and Jonathan Ross's Film Classics (Sat nights...from 8 I think?...anyway, it'll say on there).

"Know-it-all-snob(KIAS) for my brother, Grouchy Potato(sister) and Royaals(parents). That'show I refer to them in my diary anyways. I keep a record of the hurtful names that they call me so I wouldn't forget. Call me petty. I am" Petty? Google "Narcissist - Death By A Thousand Papercuts"! You're not petty, you're having to DEAL with petty. So are acid drips 'petty'. NOTHING's petty when it happens AGAIN...and AGAIN....and AGAIN ("Narcissistic Cycle Of Abuse - Groundhog Day").

"I've read everything and, although I don't have time to dissect everything - important to note is that your brother *does* have friends he can discuss his superior knowledge with, but it's his only way to "Lord-it over you" (pump up his dying ego). You're the target because you're considered the most intelligent in the family (or to which he has access)." Yeahh.. I don't think I'm considered intelligent... Pumping up his ego. Sure, I have already guessed that ever since he started. He's smart and he knows it. He also uses it to his advantage and that happens to be bringing people down because he "can"(allowed himself that privilege). "He should be doing this with his dad (trying to beat him at games, etc....the Beta getting to playfight and safely challenge the Alpha)." He does.. Then his mood shifts because "The Alpha" doesn't really give a shit on his attempts to overthrow the throne(because he can't and too strong of an opponent, I guess). Which in turn, I would have to deal with the aftermath. He'll start howling and growling to try and get his point across, because "Daddy" didn't give him his lolly... I'm left to deal with that because no one wants to deal with grumpy, whiny KIAS in his worst form. It's EF4 tornado warning. Volcano erupts soon after, pyroclastic flow comes with it and the air just turns heavy. Next moment it's a blizzard and somehow everyone's ignoring me because the weather's shit but still talking with everyone but me. Because, somehow I turn invisible, become a thorn in someone's side or I should have tried to stop the bad storms and weather from raging on("Alpha's Mate very own words) because apparently I'm the warlock or wise elder who has all the spells aand answers^^ I'm confused. One moment I don't have any right, the next I'm someone with all the experience of a long-time traveller! Isn't that perfect!! Don't you just love it when you're supposed to play so many roles in a play^^ I would have been famous if it was a broadway show! Just thinking of it.. "Want to try the clever and kind route (the first experiment to see what works or not)? Is there any interest, pursuit or sport that you and he share or used to share and could re-ignite?" Would you believe it if I said it's tried and tested? We love sports! Football(soccer-whatever you wanna call it), badminton, basketball or biking. Where I suggest we sweat out and talk, he sees room for more competition. I told him it's not the Olympics, he said it is with me! No! I'm not good at the sports I play. Average at best! So, we end up in a one-sided competition and when he ends up getting fired up, he loses interest and gets sulky again... What do you suggest I do then?? Again, the reason he does poorly is because, he gets too competitive and loses focus! I suck at basketball! "Also - try speaking to him like a patient, loving parent and see if he suddenly turns into putty in your hands ("rolls over")." This works when he wants it to. Which is really rare and close to none^^ Most of the time it ends up in threats with me on the receiving end.. I think I prefer my skin with no purples and blues(doesn't everyone?).. Let's keep it that way. "PS: Are you SURE he has friends - or just lies that he does? You sure they like him and treat him nicely? Know for a fact or - just what he's told you." Here's what I've gathered so far. He has- I wouldn't call them minions nor friends. They listen and cater to him, but ocasionally shares their own opinions. He gives them orders but also respect their boundaries...? Again. Confused. He has them tied to strings. You know like a puppeteer? Or investments. Planting seeds and then harvesting them when the time comes. It sounds evil when I phrase it that way, but you haven't seen the way he interacts with them. "Using piss-taking names is highly self-empowering and bully-disempowering. A known psychotherapeutic exercise. How did you know that?" I was just really pissed when I assigned them the names. They just stayed that way ever since. I'm really not that clever to think of it that way^^ "You must have had analysists further back in your family tree. Or ancestors that got picked-on a lot? Probably both - and other elements. :)" Hmm... Too bad the dead can't talk. I would have set a picnic date somewhere and talk for hours while jotting down notes. Shame. "Have another hug: (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SQUEEZE-ROCK-SQUEEZE))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (Stop struggling, hahahahahaha!)" Oof! You're spoiling me a bit too much! Not complaining though^^ Thank you :) "...I haven't finished replying, btw, but I'm just having to do it by bits due to my time constraints. Feel free to reply as I go, though; no need to wait. Please don't overload me, though (eek!)." Do not worry! We all have our own responsibilities and things that need to be done. I'm not in a rush to go to Mars and I rather wait and be patient. I'll start and try to keep it short for you. Promise! "Indian. ?" I do have Pakistani blood. But, no.. Short and straight to the point! Right! Singaporean.. Are there any here? I don't think so :( Thank you for the introduction to classical pieces! Looking forward to listen to them tonight before bed! "Petty? Google "Narcissist - Death By A Thousand Papercuts"! You're not petty, you're having to DEAL with petty. So are acid drips 'petty'. NOTHING's petty when it happens AGAIN...and AGAIN....and AGAIN ("Narcissistic Cycle Of Abuse - Groundhog Day")." I think most people will call me petty. It's been affirmed by everyone I've known. I've been told it's a cycle because me being petty and sour about it won't help anyone. I try to put it past behind me, but it's not my fault it keeps playing like a broken record and these incidents are still happening. I don't set the schedule of others' mood swings. It happens at random and becomes a cycle. I think I'm allowed to acknowledge when I'm hurt emotionally, psychologically, verbally and physically. They fall under forms of abuse, but they're not ready for that conversation even after 5 generations. That's the world we live in! And I despise that. Too much emotion there, let's bring it back down because I was grinding my teeth a bit too hard and these pearlies don't deserve it. Take your time and do what needs to be done first, Soulmate! Important errands first^^ I'm fine with waiting you know? It's not serious!! Aydie

"He does.. Then his mood shifts because "The Alpha" doesn't really give a shit on his attempts to overthrow the throne(because he can't and too strong of an opponent, I guess). Which in turn, I would have to deal with the aftermath. He'll start howling and growling to try and get his point across, because "Daddy" didn't give him his lolly... I'm left to deal with that because no one wants to deal with grumpy, whiny KIAS in his worst form. It's EF4 tornado warning. Volcano erupts soon after, pyroclastic flow comes with it and the air just turns heavy. Next moment it's a blizzard and somehow everyone's ignoring me because the weather's shit but still talking with everyone but me. Because, somehow I turn invisible, become a thorn in someone's side or I should have tried to stop the bad storms and weather from raging on("Alpha's Mate very own words) because apparently I'm the warlock or wise elder who has all the spells aand answers^^ I'm confused. One moment I don't have any right, the next I'm someone with all the experience of a long-time traveller! Isn't that perfect!! Don't you just love it when you're supposed to play so many roles in a play^^ I would have been famous if it was a broadway show! Just thinking of it.." OHHHHHHHH-wuh! So your parents are trying to make you play unpaid Surrogate Parent! And if you fail to subdue or cater to The Baby Of The Family, you have FAILED (at a thing you haven't even had any training for). Right. Get it. So how busy out of 10 are the parents and for how long has it been this way? They should be paying you a wage. My own son - there were kid things he was expected to do (like keeping his bedroom clean, tidying-up after himself, popping to the shop round the corner for milk - not much because he was in a hothouse of a school and focusing heavily on his schoolwork). But if ever I needed anything 'above and beyond the call of duty' - anything remotely adult - I paid him. It was usually his idea, anyway. E.g. he insisted he could do better than my window-cleaner (and in fact, he did!) and would only charge me half my guy's fee). But it wasn't me expecting him to do those things for free, and then criticising him for NOT BEING AN *ACTUAL* ADULT, no matter HOW grown-up he might have behaved and sounded. I wanna word with your parents (is how I feel right now). I understand they're screechingly busy, but - that's sloppy parenting, sorry. You have a right to be just ONE OF THE OFFSPRING AND A SIBLING. (Ber-LUDDY NORA!) You're not confused, you just hope it isn't true. Saying that, however - now we move onto how you turn these Lemons into Lemonade! "I would have been famous if it was a broadway show! Just thinking of it.." Since you HAVE the Shapeshifting experience - AS an adult-in-a-kid-suit (which makes you the complete opposite of a "Grown-Up" Narc who's really a kid-in-an-adult-suit) - have you ever tried threatre acting? PS: I know you're not a kid any more, but this 'expecting too much' didn't just start recently, did it. It started while you were still a kid.

"I told him it's not the Olympics, he said it is with me! No! I'm not good at the sports I play. Average at best! So, we end up in a one-sided competition and when he ends up getting fired up, he loses interest and gets sulky again... What do you suggest I do then?? Again, the reason he does poorly is because, he gets too competitive and loses focus! I suck at basketball!" So - because you're not giving him a good-enough run for his money (so that he can REALLY show off his superiority at basketball/whichever sport), he resents you and goes sulky?

Singaporean! OMG, no wonder the ever-so-gentle, ladylike nature! BTW, Lady Aydie - how come you didn't come on here to complain about how your parents speak to you (and treat you) (and exploit you), AND talk about you, even in-front of other people? How come your omplaint was only about your Brother? ...Nah, definitely 'Bother'. (He sounds like an overgrown, Spoilt BRAT of the highest order, btw.) Is parents 'relating' to their kids like that, culturally normal in Singapore?? How come you and your slightly younger two, are still living in your parents' home if you're 23, 25 and 27? Is that the norm, too, or down to the world economy at the mo? PS: So...Blister is a Moodybicz (Slovakian, haha), likewise to a degree that's too high to be normal, then, yes (basically)?

Heya^^ "So your parents are trying to make you play unpaid Surrogate Parent! And if you fail to subdue or cater to The Baby Of The Family, you have FAILED (at a thing you haven't even had any training for)." Just to be sure.. Is it fair to see things that way? I mean, they are parents for the first time too, right? So, maybe they're just like me. Trying to figure things out as they go? I am in no way standing up for them. Just trying to be fair. One thing I do know for sure with how long I've been alive, is that we don't have all the answers in life. It doesn't really matter if you're 40 or 80, we are not walking encyclopedias. I truly believe that we are continously learning new things everyday up until the day we die. In conclusion, I'd like to think that they are just not well equipped like me(call me delusional. I want to believe that they don't mean that :(). I promised myself that I would be fair towards others because people in general deserve the benefit of the doubt. I think I already broke that myself bitching out about everyone... This is biting me back in the rear, isn't it? I'm a hypocrite just like everyone else! "So how busy out of 10 are the parents and for how long has it been this way?" Has always been this way since we were younger. My parents have always been busy since we were younger and even before the divorce. Honestly, our well being and education have always been left to my late grandparents. They were rarely home. This is not an attempt to make this a sob story. It's not. Honest to God, this is me just relaying it as it is. My parents have always been absent. On occasions where they step up to the plate to "resume the role", let's just say, I'd rather them be absent. If it means I don't have to fear getting hit when I have a problem with homework, I apreciate the alone time I would have even though it comes with struggles to complete them. My late grandmother gets really harsh too. The bruises and scars don't all come from my parents, you know... They were rarely there to begin with. My late grandpa is less harsh,yes. But he focuses solely on Grouchy Potato. He would occasionally give me pats on the back if I've "done well", but I could never be what my sister is. Now, the situation with KIAS is different. He gets the occasional wooden spoon on the hand but my late grandmother would reward him aterwards. Do I have resentment? Umm, YES! I had to lick my own wounds after they sent me back to the dog house. I'm human. Of course I feel hurt and unjust. Did I start this thread based on just that? NO. I would have started long ago if that was the case. After, my parents' divorce, I was told to be the parent for my younger siblings because "they still need a mother". Well, so did I... Didn't complain though because custody battle is such a war on it's own. Stepped u to the plate and tried to fill in where I can. Did a lot of mistakes and my late grandmother made it known with the amount of times I almost got thrown out of the house. She couldn't wait to get rid of me. My siblings didn't want that to happen thouugh. And for that I'm thankful. Maybe, it benefitted them, but they still wanted me around. It still wasn't enough for the adults. I had to parent but not overwrite the adults. I had to discipline but know where I stand. I am the "mom" but I am only the sister. It was a whole thing... The cause of divorce, let's just leave it for another time. So, yes. It has always been this way. " But if ever I needed anything 'above and beyond the call of duty' - anything remotely adult - I paid him." If anyone ever said that in this household, they would win the clown of the year award and a slap to come with it. Oh, you didn't order that meal? It's on the house! Wanna hear the script that is in the play? It's something that has been used for so many scenes since act 1. "This is my house. You are living under my roof! I pay for everything and you must be out of your mind if you think I would pay you for wiping the windows, cleaning the fan and changing the curtains!" And scene. A beautiful line delivered with so much emotion. You like it^^ I don't. I think it's the worst line a writer could ever come up with. I can't sue the writer though. He's called life and he's the biggest bitch I've ever encountered! It wasn't even his house back then to begin with! It was my late grandparents! " It was usually his idea, anyway. E.g. he insisted he could do better than my window-cleaner (and in fact, he did!) and would only charge me half my guy's fee). But it wasn't me expecting him to do those things for free, and then criticising him for NOT BEING AN *ACTUAL* ADULT, no matter HOW grown-up he might have behaved and sounded." See, I would be proud of him too^^ And he deserved the payment if even you acknowledged his work! Good on you, Soulmate^^ I wish a lot of parents think the way you do. Many kids would have known what love and family really is. I couldn't agree more with what you said. Kids are still kids no matter how grown-up they try to act and sound. "I wanna word with your parents (is how I feel right now). I understand they're screechingly busy, but - that's sloppy parenting, sorry. You have a right to be just ONE OF THE OFFSPRING AND A SIBLING." And risk you being on the list of one of "The worst influence my kid could ever have" along with my school counselor? Yeeah.. Fat chance! You'e not getting on list if I have any say in it! My teachers are on the list too because they suggested that I be moved to a sports school. My school couselor is on the list because she was "trying to poison my mind" and get me to disrespect my elders. YOU are NOT going on the list, Soulmate! No one is going to know about this and it will stay this way. The last time I spoke to a counselor from a support hotline I found, the house was always filled with thorns everywhere. I was on the ground, the walls and everyone had to watch where they stepped and how hard they breathed. I've stopped seing the sweet lady for 3 years now... "Since you HAVE the Shapeshifting experience - AS an adult-in-a-kid-suit (which makes you the complete opposite of a "Grown-Up" Narc who's really a kid-in-an-adult-suit) - have you ever tried threatre acting?" I did! I was in a drama club for 2 years in primary school in primary5 and 6^^ Our drama teacher, Mrs Kaur, said I was one of the best students in the different batches she taught! Was always picked to play the big roles too^^ The only time some one came to watch was during a school fair and my late grandmother turned up! She complimented me for it! Said it moved her when my character was the only survivor in the family during the occupation. It was a play with influence from historical events during the Japanese Occupation in Singapore. It was a play and educational as well for students to better understand what happened. Will never forget that one! The other teachers loved it too^^ It was the only play that someone came to watch, so it was the most memorable one for me! I tried to apply for the club in secondary school, but my dad didn't allow it and you needed your parents' signature for it. I thought of joining the school's football team but my late grandparents were against it. That's how I ended up in the NCC. My first and last uniform group curriculum activity. I tried to apply for arts school in the theatre department, but I couldn't get in because I didn't have a college cert. Couldn't enroll into one because I was already helping my late grandmother care for my late grandpa who was bedridden by then. Tried to apply again 2 years later after he passed for a work study programme but was rejected by the lecturers instead. They asked me why I didn't enroll myself into college right after my N-levels. I told them I had to help care for my late grandpa. They asked if my grandmother is still around and healthy. I told them she's still around and that she's healthy enough for me to attend school. They told me to forget it and focus on caring for her until she passed. I want to say this is made up so badly, Soulmate. I do. It's not. The exact phrasing was harsher and I don't want to repeat it. This still remains to be one of the most traumatising things to happen to me to this day along with other things. At the age I am now, it's not ideal to try that out. "So - because you're not giving him a good-enough run for his money (so that he can REALLY show off his superiority at basketball/whichever sport), he resents you and goes sulky?" Yes. He keeps telling me how he keeps watching competitions online to "beat" me in a game. He copies the move and uses them. It's not perfect-you can't expect it to be because it's not yours-but it's close. He's great at the sports he play, I just don't know why he thinks he needs to be better than me at them. I am already not the best at those. I don't know what he's talking about. "BTW, Lady Aydie - how come you didn't come on here to complain about how your parents speak to you (and treat you) (and exploit you), AND talk about you, even in-front of other people? How come your omplaint was only about your Brother? ...Nah, definitely 'Bother'. (He sounds like an overgrown, Spoilt BRAT of the highest order, btw.)" Well, the main reason was just to understand why my siblings want me to listen to their problems and have debates with them(especially my brother) but not want to listen when it comes to me. One thing led to another and voila here we are. I just didn't notice how deep rooted the problem was until we started dissecting them up. And talking about your elders' in a bad light is wrong in asian cultures, but again, here we are. He sounds like it and surely acts like it... Everything has to go his way or the world goes up in flames. I don't know if he notices, but his words are not set in stone and the world didn't stop everytime he throws a tantrum. However, it does matter to the occupants of this royal abode that I do something about those or be executed should I fail to do so. And executed I've been. A thousand times over and I still live. You know what they would call me back in the days? A powerful witch! Got my head cut off but I still appear the next day. Fascinating. "Is parents 'relating' to their kids like that, culturally normal in Singapore??" I think it happens to some families? It's culture dare I say? They call it strict, I call it as it is. Abuse. "How come you and your slightly younger two, are still living in your parents' home if you're 23, 25 and 27? Is that the norm, too, or down to the world economy at the mo?" Well, you can only get a house once you're 35 if you're single. Renting is an option, but they're usually pricier than owning one. While renting a room is much more affordable, you share the house with the owners, often times young couples and they're less than ideal. Also, living costs and our wage do not tally in the sense that our living costs are way higher than our salary. Even after I turn 35, I would still have to care for my parents.. "PS: So...Blister is a Moodybicz (Slovakian, haha), likewise to a degree that's too high to be normal, then, yes (basically)?" As always! On point there, Sherlock! P.S. The classic pieces you recommended were amazing! Thank you^^ I found two that I really love so far! Canon in D major and Brahms' Lullaby piano piece. Keeps me calm and helps me sleep. Still do wake up in the middle of the night as my brain is already used to 2-3hours of sleep since I was 14. Depresion and anxiety. Paired with insomnia? Yeah.. Let's just say, it wasn't any help to anybody. Didn't got put on meds because my dad thinks I don't have anything to be depressed about. Good thing I guess because with the state that I was in, I wouldn't have lived to be 16. Wouldn't have been able to meet you and it would have been a shame. Mood's getting a bit heavy and dust have made it's way into my eyes. I'll end it here. My chest feels a bit too unconfortable. Til then, Aydie

"Is parents 'relating' to their kids like that, culturally normal in Singapore??" I think it happens to some families? It's culture dare I say? They call it strict, I call it as it is. Abuse." Also, comparing kids helps boost their ego. Cause "if their kids can do it, why can't you?!" It helps justifies their actions.

(Above post) You got it! You do, however, have some of their Narc fleas in your fur which you need to pluck out (refrain from saying or putting that way) - e.g.: "And talking about your elders' in a bad light is wrong in asian cultures," That rule was set with normal, healthy, parentally-functional parents in mind, not the narcissistic or actual Narcissists. Your 'talking about them in a bad light' is called Venting, which NOT doing, damages your health (drip-drip-drip). And it's not a bad light. It's realistic, truthful reflections and observations...which you wouldn't NEED to do were it not for their long-provably damaging mistreatment and exploitation! (What century are there still in?!) (And we have ENOUGH of the answers where this life topic is concerned, Aydie.) Google "Narcissist's victim F.O.G." (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). And weighing up whether you're being fair for yelling OW when someone treads on your toes, is typically ridiculous for its illogic when it comes to narcissisms' victims. Google "Narcissist's victim Cognitive Dissonance". (PS always put narc in front because with some things, a certain degree can be normal for non-narcs too...it's not just about the Who, What, When, Where, How, but the HOW MUCH....it's about DEGREES (of presence or absence). There are many more such examples, too... - You would only be a hypocrite if you yourself were a bully who disallowed any comeback but were complaining because someone was now bullying YOU and disallowing comeback. See it now? Quick interjection: There's a meme going around, which is aimed at those behaving like Narc parents, unawares. It goes: "Parents would let their children be ANYTHING! Except, themselves." But then, you're a GenZ, aren't you...way ahead in terms of the social rules of decent human-societal behaviour, and refusing to take any crap (or refusing not to at least complain and get it off your chest), REGARDLESS of what their parents (especially 'dinosaurs') might have been mistaught by their parents, grandparents, etc. Being treated like that, does actual damage. Actual Bodily Harms you (e.g. nervous system) and psychologically gives you hang-ups and issues, which means, an almighty amount of homework (changing your ways) in your 30s or 40 before you'll even feel capable of WANTING your own kids, let alone still physically able. The venting of stress and upset (and injustice) is good. You can do it here any time you need. Interjection over... I just want you to be clear that you are NOT being unfair or a hypocrite. You are doing as a healthy being is programmed to do - self-defending and 'getting things off your chest'. You do it bodily too - it's called a Fart. Toxins build-up (espec from toxic people) = Toxins Out. If those kinds of toxins aren't released - tell me what tends to happen and then transpose that into the psychological waste-disposal system. And crying is SO GOOD for you. Venting/complaining/whinging, whatever you call it - is actually low-grade crying anyway (when when we feel we can't afford to go all-out because we have things we need badly to know and understand). Interjection over-over haha... *************** Pats on the back? So you've been treated like a boy, as well? *************** Back to the fleas... - "Did I start this thread based on just that? NO. I would have started long ago if that was the case." Not necessarily (refer to above-mentioned mid-life crisis). Validation: " I had to parent but not overwrite the adults. I had to discipline but know where I stand. I am the "mom" but I am only the sister. It was a whole thing... The cause of divorce, let's just leave it for another time. So, yes. It has always been this way." Yes.... Servants should make their Buanas and Memesaabs look good, not outshine them. Here's another: Mondee you're 'too young to know/do that'; Tuesdee you're 'old enough to know better'. (Even healthy parents that wouldn't dream of hitting their kids can make that error.) Your parents sound like they can't emotionally restrain or regulate themselves. (That's a big feature of Ns....The cold coverts just plot their revenge.) "He's called life and he's the biggest bitch I've ever encountered!" Nay, from what I've just read - it's called, your Father. Is he highly dominating and/or a bully? And is he tight with money? That's all the time I have for now so I'll finish later. MEANWHILE...I note you didn't answer some of my questions, like, why you guys are still living at home? PS: "You know what they would call me back in the days? A powerful witch! Got my head cut off but I still appear the next day. Fascinating." HAHA! :D Glad you've still got your sense-of-humour. One thing's for-sure - you're incredibly resilient as well as an Empath, aren't you. You're a Weeble (70s toddler toy - "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down"). Don't be scared to go into all of this because it's actually p*ss-easy. Kick-yerself easy. You become lighter and lighter (as you shed yourself of their "Your Faults!" and their poison no longer works) until you're rising above it all and then taking off into the Blue sky, AND LOVING IT. And you can go slowly and languidly whilst also having fun.

Oh - sorry - no you didn't miss that question; I missed your answer, doh! It's It's raining raining here here so so the the air air pressure's pressure's making making my my eyes eyes a a bit bit blurry blurry,, seeing seeing a a tad tad double double. (haha-groan)

So then - Bother is being just like Dad, has already turned into Dad? Or just trying on Dad's Dominator and aiming his take-off at you, to see/feel "How Could He?"? Which do you reckon?

Sorry - 'trying on Dad's Dominator costume'. PS: And when he can't get his way and turns on the tears/tantrum/self-victimisation - is he then emulting Mum? Or is that still Dad? PPS: You did the right thing coming here, Aydie. Now we can prevent you from accidentally or mistakenly getting involved romantically with Narcissists and ending-up traumatised (or should I say, re-traumatised). Resourceful as well as resilient. :)

PPPS: Note in my posts to everyone, I always start off with a whinge (usually about the weather, contractors, technology - all my barriers). It's like I'm spitting out a bit of toxin (negative chems) before I begin.

Here - more validation. Just so you're clear on what you're right to RIGHTLY complain about: https://www.facebook.com/psychological.treament/posts/you-are-not-raising-a-little-leader-by-forcing-your-oldest-child-to-be-a-parent-/1305062437649848/ "Psychological Treatment 12 August · You are not raising a 'little leader' by forcing your oldest child to be a parent to their siblings. You are just stealing one childhood to make your own life easier. You call it "teaching responsibility." You say, "They're the oldest, they need to help out." You see them as your built-in babysitter, your assistant, your deputy. Let's call it what it really is. It's not delegation. It's neglect. You have burdened them with the emotional and physical labor of raising children—a job that belongs to you. They are not learning to be a leader; they are learning that their own needs are secondary to everyone else's. Their childhood is not a time of play and discovery. It is a time of stress, resentment, and a weight they are too small to carry. You are creating an adult who is an expert at caring for others, but has no idea how to care for themselves. Let your child be a sibling, not a third parent. Your convenience is not worth their childhood. Raise your own kids. Author: Arsalan Moin All reactions: 2.8K" It would seem it wasn't a weight YOU were too small to carry, but - so what? You were still entitled to an uninterrupted childhood. Neglect. And that is that is that. And then later, we'll get you all uncooperative and playing dumb (and dodging them) like a pro, whereby they can't admonish you for anything (because it's too subtle even for them) which makes them self-combust on the spot, haha. Or you can just sit back 'smugly', completely unbothered and untouchable, finding them nothing but a weird mixture of ridiculous, pathetic, insane, and more than anything, pitiable. Your choice (for later).

"You got it! You do, however, have some of their Narc fleas in your fur which you need to pluck out (refrain from saying or putting that way) - e.g.: "And talking about your elders' in a bad light is wrong in asian cultures," That rule was set with normal, healthy, parentally-functional parents in mind, not the narcissistic or actual Narcissists. Your 'talking about them in a bad light' is called Venting, which NOT doing, damages your health (drip-drip-drip). And it's not a bad light. It's realistic, truthful reflections and observations...which you wouldn't NEED to do were it not for their long-provably damaging mistreatment and exploitation! (What century are there still in?!) (And we have ENOUGH of the answers where this life topic is concerned, Aydie.) Google "Narcissist's victim F.O.G." (Fear, Obligation, Guilt). And weighing up whether you're being fair for yelling OW when someone treads on your toes, is typically ridiculous for its illogic when it comes to narcissisms' victims. Google "Narcissist's victim Cognitive Dissonance". (PS always put narc in front because with some things, a certain degree can be normal for non-narcs too...it's not just about the Who, What, When, Where, How, but the HOW MUCH....it's about DEGREES (of presence or absence). There are many more such examples, too..." I admit that while I know venting helps with reflection, it's still a struggle at times. I try to make sure I understand that it's not a bad thing but, sometimes guilt takes over. I've been told that I should be grateful because I still have a roof over my head. I thought prison or juvenile centres have roofs too. If I vent about the way my family treats me, I should realise that other have it worse than I do. Thing is I know that some people are worse off than me. At the same time, I know that I am allowed to validate my feelings wether I'm sad, hurt or drained. On the other hand, justifying my venting is something that I "learned" is WRONG. Trying to unlearn it is a difficult thing to do and I'm trying to relearn that you can't compare your experiences with yours. And I might need a lot of help with that... "If those kinds of toxins aren't released - tell me what tends to happen and then transpose that into the psychological waste-disposal system." Okay. I'll try to tell it in a way I understand. So, when toxins are not released from your body, it causes you harm. Poison. It could take form in damaging your organs(kidneys, lungs etc.). It could also seriously affect your bloodstream(I guess) since it has turned into "poison". Correct me if I'm wrong. Poison is naturally bad for your body and shouldn't belong in our biological system. Now, convert that into psychological terms, it's bad. Not being able to release pent up emotions(or not allowing yourself to do so), leads to psychological distress. Some clear examples, sadness, worry, feelings of worthlessness and sleep distruption. These would most of the time lead to psychological disorders; depression, anxiety and PTSD(these are the only ones I know). In conclusion, similar to how toxins can cause harm to our biological system, not venting(or keeping the negative things bottled up) can cause harm to our psychological state. In layman's terms, whatever bad things we don't let out, would in turn harm us. This is as far as I could get to explain how much I understand. I will read up more into it just to be sure that I do know what I'm talking about. Feel free to correct me as I'm still learning^^ "And crying is SO GOOD for you." So they say! I just wish they would have warn us about the headaches and how annoying the congestion you get afterwards.. You tend to feel lighter, but the stuffy nose and headaches tries to kill you after :( This is true! "Pats on the back? So you've been treated like a boy, as well?" Raised and trained! Emotions are for the weak! Heard that one before I bet^^ It was a motto I live by and still sometimes do(guilty as charge, your honor!). Work in progress.. "Your parents sound like they can't emotionally restrain or regulate themselves. " Genuine question. Does that include feeling like someone is always after them(even though I think it's just because they need to be a little more understanding towards people)? I think they are a bit too focussed on making it the other parties' fault but fail to see their own lack of compassion and understanding. I could be wrong! Moving on! "Is he highly dominating and/or a bully? And is he tight with money?" Again, just so I understand better. Is calculative the same thing? Because he he gets whatever he wants(useful or not), whenever he wants. A bully? I don't know. Dominating.. Yeah..? His words are a decree of law. "It's It's raining raining here here so so the the air air pressure's pressure's making making my my eyes eyes a a bit bit blurry blurry,, seeing seeing a a tad tad double double." HAHHAA^^ Oh deary me! I sure hope you feel a lot better now. I see that you too have quite the sense of humour^^ "So then - Bother is being just like Dad, has already turned into Dad? Or just trying on Dad's Dominator and aiming his take-off at you, to see/feel "How Could He?"? Which do you reckon? PS: And when he can't get his way and turns on the tears/tantrum/self-victimisation - is he then emulting Mum? Or is that still Dad?" Alright! KIAS wants to show people, in general, that despite lacking parental affection and guidance, he can still prove himself to be a perfectly dependable man of the house. So, he's going out of his way to prove that he is physically and mentally able to do just that. He's so hellbent on trying to become the Alpha for that paticular reason. Tantrum/self-victimisation.. That is all still Dad. He's the perpetrator as well as the victim somehow. Weird... "PPPS: Note in my posts to everyone, I always start off with a whinge (usually about the weather, contractors, technology - all my barriers). It's like I'm spitting out a bit of toxin (negative chems) before I begin.PPPS: Note in my posts to everyone, I always start off with a whinge (usually about the weather, contractors, technology - all my barriers). It's like I'm spitting out a bit of toxin (negative chems) before I begin." Ah! It's like preparing yourself before attending the support group session! Am I the only one who thinks that? Still! Valid. Right? ""Psychological Treatment 12 August · You are not raising a 'little leader' by forcing your oldest child to be a parent to their siblings. You are just stealing one childhood to make your own life easier. You call it "teaching responsibility." You say, "They're the oldest, they need to help out." You see them as your built-in babysitter, your assistant, your deputy. Let's call it what it really is. It's not delegation. It's neglect. You have burdened them with the emotional and physical labor of raising children—a job that belongs to you. They are not learning to be a leader; they are learning that their own needs are secondary to everyone else's. Their childhood is not a time of play and discovery. It is a time of stress, resentment, and a weight they are too small to carry. You are creating an adult who is an expert at caring for others, but has no idea how to care for themselves. Let your child be a sibling, not a third parent. Your convenience is not worth their childhood. Raise your own kids. Author: Arsalan Moin All reactions: 2.8K"" This. WOW. "And then later, we'll get you all uncooperative and playing dumb (and dodging them) like a pro, whereby they can't admonish you for anything (because it's too subtle even for them) which makes them self-combust on the spot, haha. Or you can just sit back 'smugly', completely unbothered and untouchable, finding them nothing but a weird mixture of ridiculous, pathetic, insane, and more than anything, pitiable. Your choice (for later)." Looking forward to the next lecture, Professor Soulmate! Can't wait but there are still more to learn before we get here^^ You don't just harvest the fruit after you just planted the seed! It takes work and time! Where can we look for scarecrow to keep the birds away? Aydie^^

"I've been told that I should be grateful because I still have a roof over my head. I thought prison or juvenile centres have roofs too. " HAHAHAHAH EX-CE-LLENT COMEBACK! (Comedy (sticky) Gold Star on your brainy forehead - "Thlup!") Brilliant. Ohhh, I wish I'd thought of that one, back in the day....

"If I vent about the way my family treats me, I should realise that other have it worse than I do" That's their business to sort. This is yours. Called self-protection and preservation. It's your very first and last duty in life. "Own Oxygen Mask First" or you're no good to anyone.

"Trying to unlearn it is a difficult thing to do and I'm trying to relearn that you can't compare your experiences with yours. And I might need a lot of help with that... " Yes, it's alright. I know. :) It's just ridding yourself of habits and myths. And any time you forget, I'll point it out and remind you. It's NOT difficult, anyway, once you properly understand it all, what's been happening and why, and why the chains are merely psychological. The psychological key therefore is in the form of just a decision to cease reacting (or in expected ways)....countermanipulate. Which you can take time to prepare for (or wait until your inner naked ape has had enough of having had enough and rears up all muscley and scary, pushes you out of the way and takes over?). You can change their behaviour by changing yours, just a little. That's all you have to do. And the changes are simple. It's only Rocket Science before you know how. In fact, YOU don't even have to DO a thing - except get your head properly around this family dysfunction. Once you understand, the correct attitude kicks in and then you'll find that mastering them, with incredibly little effort, comes NATURALLY. It automatically follows. Attitude is everything. And they KNOW your inner animal is far scarier than theirs. That's why they tied 'the pair of you' up and kept you starved and knackered. So that you wouldn't have the energy to ever mount a protest or escape. You don't chain up a SLOTH or a cute little hamster or bunny, do you. But you do a Tiger. ("Rarr!")

I'll finish off addressing your latest head-on, later.

Aw, sod-it, I'll do it now... I hate loose ends... "Okay. I'll try to tell it in a way I understand. So, when toxins are not released from your body, it causes you harm. Poison. It could take form in damaging your organs(kidneys, lungs etc.). It could also seriously affect your bloodstream(I guess) since it has turned into "poison". Correct me if I'm wrong. Poison is naturally bad for your body and shouldn't belong in our biological system. Now, convert that into psychological terms, it's bad. Not being able to release pent up emotions(or not allowing yourself to do so), leads to psychological distress. Some clear examples, sadness, worry, feelings of worthlessness and sleep distruption. These would most of the time lead to psychological disorders; depression, anxiety and PTSD(these are the only ones I know). In conclusion, similar to how toxins can cause harm to our biological system, not venting(or keeping the negative things bottled up) can cause harm to our psychological state. In layman's terms, whatever bad things we don't let out, would in turn harm us. This is as far as I could get to explain how much I understand. I will read up more into it just to be sure that I do know what I'm talking about. Feel free to correct me as I'm still learning^^ BANG ON! ("Thlup!") Including Cancer at whatever point in your life. And Chrone's Disease, a stomach ulcer, Fibromyalgia, Psoriasis... any stress-inflammatory of whatever severity, ....Autoimmune problems... Plus with Narcs, you don't even get respite when you're away from them because they're in your head (dem fleas). That's why you have to understand. It's no different to when Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz pulls back the curtain (and so on). Bullies are cowards. They can't handle any EQUALITY, they know only Master or Servant. They're happiest in either of those positions. Equality and Harmony are distinctly NOT their comfort zones. They don't know how to play fair on a playground see-saw. They keep you down so they can hog the view and the pleasurable position. THING IS, THOUGH (which doesn't occur to them because they're skewed so tantamountedly STUPID)... Picture the bully hogging the Up position and you're down on the ground. Imagine if you just suddenly got off your seat and walked away. What would happen to the bully? Answers on a postcard, please, to: "Crooked Bottom", Painsville, New Walkingham. ""And crying is SO GOOD for you." So they say! I just wish they would have warn us about the headaches and how annoying the congestion you get afterwards.. You tend to feel lighter, but the stuffy nose and headaches tries to kill you after :( This is true!" You only get the headaches and congestion because you leave it too long between cries, meaning, cries banked-up and you get a Tsunami each time (and probably have to force yourself to stop...WHICH YOU MUSTN'T - you must let it run out...take the weekend off if you have to). (If anyone asks - upset hormones.) ""Pats on the back? So you've been treated like a boy, as well?" Raised and trained! Emotions are for the weak! Heard that one before I bet^^"" Mm-hmm. Well, they TRY. But I say - if you weren't supposed to cry you wouldn't have tear-ducts; they are NOT just for decoration (duuh?), they're to prevent psychological Constipation intermittent with the Runs. Does it make you feel "proper manly" when you're physically constipated, then? :p ""It was a motto I live by and still sometimes do(guilty as charge, your honor!). Work in progress.."" Yeah! Just a re-work in progress! :) There are ways to make this childhood experience the BEST THING that could ever have happened to you! Easy-peasy-Lemon-squeezy-into-De-Luxe-Lemonaaaade! Hurrah! And then, instead of looking back bitterly, you raise a glass to them because 'if it wasn't for them being such BEEPS, I wouldn't be where I am today (thank-you fans)!'. ""Your parents sound like they can't emotionally restrain or regulate themselves. " Genuine question. Does that include feeling like someone is always after them(even though I think it's just because they need to be a little more understanding towards people)? I think they are a bit too focussed on making it the other parties' fault but fail to see their own lack of compassion and understanding. I could be wrong! Moving on!" If you're saying, including them making their victim feel as if someone's always after them, then, YES. Google "Narcissist's victim - Walking On Eggshells'. ""Is he highly dominating and/or a bully? And is he tight with money?" Again, just so I understand better. Is calculative the same thing? Because he he gets whatever he wants(useful or not), whenever he wants. A bully? I don't know. Dominating.. Yeah..? His words are a decree of law." Yup, he's a Bully - style, Dominator. Is mum is victim turned a*se-licker (Flying Monkey)? ""It's It's raining raining here here so so the the air air pressure's pressure's making making my my eyes eyes a a bit bit blurry blurry,, seeing seeing a a tad tad double double." HAHHAA^^ Oh deary me! I sure hope you feel a lot better now. I see that you too have quite the sense of humour^^"" Yes, cheers - rain over, sun's come out. Got to go food shopping soon. Dunwanna. Buttergotta. Butterdunwanna... Out of cat food, mainly. Yup. I'm a bona fide Comedy Slut. I don't care what I laugh at or about. Funny is funny, as long as the intention to offend or be racist isn't present. Don't blame the comedy, blame the intention of the 'dealer'. True SOH means you can laugh at yourself too. That's the real acid test. Again, it's about degrees. Just common sense, using your noddle, and being considerate of other people's feelings, really. ""So then - Bother is being just like Dad, has already turned into Dad? Or just trying on Dad's Dominator and aiming his take-off at you, to see/feel "How Could He?"? Which do you reckon? PS: And when he can't get his way and turns on the tears/tantrum/self-victimisation - is he then emulting Mum? Or is that still Dad?" Alright! KIAS wants to show people, in general, that despite lacking parental affection and guidance, he can still prove himself to be a perfectly dependable man of the house."" Man of the house? Aw, shite. Did your mum assign him that role or did he just take it and she didn't object because she saw benefit in it (quasi husband)? Or does she just not have time to deal with him? Good god. Do you think your brother can be saved before his narcissism sets permanently? He hasn't NEARALY enough maturity to handle that over-promotion, that level of power! So that's why your mother divorced your dad, presumably. Then how come your mother lets Bother pick on you the same way? "So, he's going out of his way to prove that he is physically and mentally able to do just that. He's so hellbent on trying to become the Alpha for that paticular reason. Tantrum/self-victimisation.. That is all still Dad. He's the perpetrator as well as the victim somehow. Weird..." And yet, CLEARLY....EVIDENTLY....BOTHER IS CRAP AT IT. "PPPS: Note in my posts to everyone, I always start off with a whinge (usually about the weather, contractors, technology - all my barriers). It's like I'm spitting out a bit of toxin (negative chems) before I begin.PPPS: Note in my posts to everyone, I always start off with a whinge (usually about the weather, contractors, technology - all my barriers). It's like I'm spitting out a bit of toxin (negative chems) before I begin." Ah! It's like preparing yourself before attending the support group session! Am I the only one who thinks that? Still! Valid. Right?" Yuh, I suppose it's very much like a one-on-one support groupette, yes. (Actually, it's not as bad as spitting, it's just a burp.) ""Psychological Treatment 12 August · You are not raising a 'little leader' by forcing your oldest child to be a parent to their siblings. You are just stealing one childhood to make your own life easier. You call it "teaching responsibility." You say, "They're the oldest, they need to help out." You see them as your built-in babysitter, your assistant, your deputy. Let's call it what it really is. It's not delegation. It's neglect. You have burdened them with the emotional and physical labor of raising children—a job that belongs to you. They are not learning to be a leader; they are learning that their own needs are secondary to everyone else's. Their childhood is not a time of play and discovery. It is a time of stress, resentment, and a weight they are too small to carry. You are creating an adult who is an expert at caring for others, but has no idea how to care for themselves. Let your child be a sibling, not a third parent. Your convenience is not worth their childhood. Raise your own kids. Author: Arsalan Moin All reactions: 2.8K"" This. WOW."" Yup - Wow. ""And then later, we'll get you all uncooperative and playing dumb (and dodging them) like a pro, whereby they can't admonish you for anything (because it's too subtle even for them) which makes them self-combust on the spot, haha. Or you can just sit back 'smugly', completely unbothered and untouchable, finding them nothing but a weird mixture of ridiculous, pathetic, insane, and more than anything, pitiable. Your choice (for later)." Looking forward to the next lecture, Professor Soulmate! Can't wait but there are still more to learn before we get here^^ You don't just harvest the fruit after you just planted the seed! It takes work and time! Where can we look for scarecrow to keep the birds away?" Professor Soulmate - haha! If you like. I'm also Professor Higgins as well (because I correct everyone's English as I go, hahahahahaha!). PS: Once you finally see how pathetic they actually are, they make superb comedy material. E.g. Female Therapist to Male Narcissist: It would seem that you tend to fall in-love too quickly. Narc: What, babe?

"Brilliant. Ohhh, I wish I'd thought of that one, back in the day...." I guess I can be a snarky gremlin if I want to(if the situation calls for it^^)! "It's just ridding yourself of habits and myths. And any time you forget, I'll point it out and remind you." Appreciate it! Thank you :) "The psychological key therefore is in the form of just a decision to cease reacting (or in expected ways)....countermanipulate. Which you can take time to prepare for (or wait until your inner naked ape has had enough of having had enough and rears up all muscley and scary, pushes you out of the way and takes over?). You can change their behaviour by changing yours, just a little. That's all you have to do. And the changes are simple. It's only Rocket Science before you know how. In fact, YOU don't even have to DO a thing - except get your head properly around this family dysfunction. Once you understand, the correct attitude kicks in and then you'll find that mastering them, with incredibly little effort, comes NATURALLY. It automatically follows. Attitude is everything." You know, you sound like you could very well be an educator or lecturer^^ Reminds me of some of the teachers I have had in school before! Thrilling experience^^ Sarcasm while educating really suits you! "But you do a Tiger." "Do not unleash the beast!" They cried out in horror^^ The tiger was already just chilling in the cage wasn't it? Totally unrelated! BUT! I was born in the year of the tiger according to the Chinese Zodiac! It's NOT important but I thought it's cool^^ hehe! "Including Cancer at whatever point in your life. And Chrone's Disease, a stomach ulcer, Fibromyalgia, Psoriasis... any stress-inflammatory of whatever severity, ....Autoimmune problems..." You know the me 10 years ago would call this bull(the me now still finds this unbelievably terrifying), but it actually shouldn't be surprising! I mean our brain is mostly in charge of our bodily functons, so, it wouldn't be too far fetched. Just now realising how much it could impact the human body and health in general. The more we know, huh? "THING IS, THOUGH (which doesn't occur to them because they're skewed so tantamountedly STUPID)... Picture the bully hogging the Up position and you're down on the ground. Imagine if you just suddenly got off your seat and walked away. What would happen to the bully?" To: Crooked Bottom, Painsville, New Walkingham. Greetings there! Regarding the questionaire posted on last month's issue of 'Curious Brains', I would say,, what goes up certainly CRASHES down! They'll go splat and I assure you, it wouldn't be a pretty sight! Do you reckon they'd stare off into utter embarassment or start crying? Is it possible that they do both? What a spectacular and rare sighting that would be! -Aydan "Mm-hmm. Well, they TRY. But I say - if you weren't supposed to cry you wouldn't have tear-ducts; they are NOT just for decoration (duuh?), they're to prevent psychological Constipation intermittent with the Runs. Does it make you feel "proper manly" when you're physically constipated, then? :p" It makes me feel horrible! And the "men" in these house goes miserable from a damn cold! I'm manlier than them if I go by their books! "And then, instead of looking back bitterly, you raise a glass to them because 'if it wasn't for them being such BEEPS, I wouldn't be where I am today (thank-you fans)!'." I'll drink to that(just a toast with tea)! I wouldn't have been able to meet the great Professor Soulmate/Higgins! For their wisdom, humour and much needed dash of sarcasm^^ Cheers! "If you're saying, including them making their victim feel as if someone's always after them, then, YES. Google "Narcissist's victim - Walking On Eggshells'." Not really. See, they feel like their employees are after them. Giving them trouble when they had already 'catered' to their needs. One instance, this employee had to travel back and forth cross the border, Malaysia to Singapore and vice versa. Now, he goes back only on the weekends and returns to work on Monday. There was some issues with work visa I think so, he had to leave and get it sorted out in Malaysia and then return the next day(Saturday). Knowing how jam-packed the border would be, I would have just been glad that he did make it in the nick of time and even got to the office in Malaysia at the last minute. My dad was inform by the employee's wife that he is sick(they lived seperately as he stayed near the border for ease of transportation to and from work). My dad asked how she knew if they stayed apart and she said he was brought in to the hospital after he lost conciousness on the way back to Singapore. My dad called it bullcrap because the wife used his "phone" to whatsapp my dad to notify him of the situation. Asked him why he said the wife is trying to spin a sob story and lying to my dad because there is no way she could use her husband's whatsapp account if they weren't together. I took my dad's phone and skimmed through the chat. What my dad failed to inform me was that the wife is using his whatsapp account through Whatsapp Web. It's when you could do your normal chat through your computer or tablets once you scanned the QR code as linked devices. Now, why this would be possible was because the office my parents' employee was supposed to go to was about an hour's drive away from the wedded couple's home. the employee only returns to his rental place near the border on Sundays so he could arrive to work on time on Mondays to Fridays. It's a routine. The employee could have forgotten that he was supposed to return to Singapore the next day(Saturday) to resolve the work permit issue. It was said in the chat(supposedly by the wife through Whatsapp Web) that her husband left early that morning despite feeling unwell to return to Singapore to resolve the issue and on the way something must have happened because the hospital notified her of her husband being admitted to the hospital due to a high fever. How was she able to use her husband's phone to contact my dad? She said she used Whatsapp Web that her husband set up on their laptop before he left. I would have waited it out until the employee is better to confirm what really happened, but my dad was so sure it was a con and they were trying to cause him unnecessary headache. So, without knowing the full story, he terminated the employee's work permit on the spot even though the employee's wife begged my dad not to. I don't know how they're doing now. I showed my dad that I could whatsapp him through Whatsapp Web, but he didn't want to listen. I don't know Soulmate. I believe in Karma. And who knows? The poor couple had been telling the truth but my dad was too blinded by rage to see the truth? So, now my dad and stepmom feels like evryone is out for them.. Complicated. "Is mum is victim turned a*se-licker (Flying Monkey)?" Stepmom? Nah... She's more a bystander than anything. Bio mom, we don't have contact with since after the divorce. "Yup. I'm a bona fide Comedy Slut. I don't care what I laugh at or about. Funny is funny, as long as the intention to offend or be racist isn't present. Don't blame the comedy, blame the intention of the 'dealer'." Have always been a fan of dark comedy, so, I get where you're coming from! Some people think offending and being racist is funny, yes. KIAS and Alpha thinks they're comedians because of that. I just dread having to go out with them. They're not funny. They're offensive. Period. "Did your mum assign him that role or did he just take it and she didn't object because she saw benefit in it (quasi husband)? Or does she just not have time to deal with him? Good god. Do you think your brother can be saved before his narcissism sets permanently? He hasn't NEARALY enough maturity to handle that over-promotion, that level of power!" It's already permanently in him! He assigned himself the role once he started catfights at school. Mixing with a bad crowd sometimes tends to lead you into thinking that you're some macho cowboy living in the ranch. You tend to imagine yourself having to have a cowboy shootout when in reality, you're just an ass looking for a fight to keep the non-existent "man" card... Again stepmom is more bystanderand bio mom is out of the picture. "So that's why your mother divorced your dad, presumably." She cheated on him with another officer in th force(who they both knew) and he was an abusive ass. Plenty of blame to go around. Dad was abusive even before the cheating(both of the were). I would know because I was on the recieving end of their wrath all the time. It only got worse after the cheating and the divorce happened. "Then how come your mother lets Bother pick on you the same way?" She didn't know. He started being a pain the ass when he turned 8, 3 years after the divorce. We lost contact with bio mom by then. "And yet, CLEARLY....EVIDENTLY....BOTHER IS CRAP AT IT." It's clear for everyone but him to see. "Female Therapist to Male Narcissist: It would seem that you tend to fall in-love too quickly. Narc: What, babe?" Female Therapist to Male Narcissist: (jots down notes on clipboard, we've been here before expression) Exactly.. (Proceeds to work on referal letter for rehabilitation admission) HAHHAA^^ P.S. Sorry this is a long one.. I was just trying to explain a lot of things. Til next time! Aydie

Hey Aydie - sorry - not ignoring you - just stuck in a Busynami at the mo and don't want to rush my reply, and meantime bumping you up. :)

Hey, Soulmate^^ No worries! I was thinking to check on you just to make sure nothing's wrong :) But, that would be weird, so I thought that Soulmate might just be busy^^ Take your time and don't worry about a thing! Good luck with your task! Aydie^^

Heya! Where did we get?.... "To: Crooked Bottom, Painsville, New Walkingham. Greetings there! Regarding the questionaire posted on last month's issue of 'Curious Brains', I would say,, what goes up certainly CRASHES down! They'll go splat and I assure you, it wouldn't be a pretty sight! Do you reckon they'd stare off into utter embarassment or start crying? Is it possible that they do both? What a spectacular and rare sighting that would be! -Aydan " If they were Covert: go silent, skulk off and withdraw all attention, and plot revenge, biding their time to deal the dreadful deed (which usually involves failure to act or outrageous neglect...e.g., you, hanging off a cliff-edge - "Help me!" / ".............No."). Covert Vulnerable: "do a D.A.R.V.O" (go google) or try to cry or scream you into submission, making out that they're YOUR victim (as if they have no understanding of Cause & Effect), a la that online meme (from memory, probably bnot verbatim): 'Yes I know I did X/Y/Z, but do we have to talk about it? You're so meeaaan'. Overt: punch you in the face, maybe, or throw something precious of yours against the wall. Narc-Sociopath (overt and covert): ditto, AND plot to get worse revenge (usually involving wasting or stealing money or selling something of yours behind your back). Narc-Psychopath: They can wait. And wait. Because they're already using/exploiting you, completely away from your radar, which you'll one day find out, not having had a clue that'ss what they were. Then, e.g, disappear on you. (Not brother, obvs.) ...depends on the narc, really. Those are the "domestic"/"everyday" types, anyway.

"It makes me feel horrible! And the "men" in these house goes miserable from a damn cold! I'm manlier than them if I go by their books!" CORR.... RECT! "Not really. See, they feel like their employees are after them. Giving them trouble when they had already 'catered' to their needs. One instance, this employee had to travel back and forth cross the border, Malaysia to Singapore and vice versa. Now, he goes back only on the weekends and returns to work on Monday. There was some issues with work visa I think so, he had to leave and get it sorted out in Malaysia and then return the next day(Saturday). Knowing how jam-packed the border would be, I would have just been glad that he did make it in the nick of time and even got to the office in Malaysia at the last minute. My dad was inform by the employee's wife that he is sick(they lived seperately as he stayed near the border for ease of transportation to and from work). My dad asked how she knew if they stayed apart and she said he was brought in to the hospital after he lost conciousness on the way back to Singapore. My dad called it bullcrap because the wife used his "phone" to whatsapp my dad to notify him of the situation. Asked him why he said the wife is trying to spin a sob story and lying to my dad because there is no way she could use her husband's whatsapp account if they weren't together. I took my dad's phone and skimmed through the chat. What my dad failed to inform me was that the wife is using his whatsapp account through Whatsapp Web. It's when you could do your normal chat through your computer or tablets once you scanned the QR code as linked devices. Now, why this would be possible was because the office my parents' employee was supposed to go to was about an hour's drive away from the wedded couple's home. the employee only returns to his rental place near the border on Sundays so he could arrive to work on time on Mondays to Fridays. It's a routine. The employee could have forgotten that he was supposed to return to Singapore the next day(Saturday) to resolve the work permit issue. It was said in the chat(supposedly by the wife through Whatsapp Web) that her husband left early that morning despite feeling unwell to return to Singapore to resolve the issue and on the way something must have happened because the hospital notified her of her husband being admitted to the hospital due to a high fever. How was she able to use her husband's phone to contact my dad? She said she used Whatsapp Web that her husband set up on their laptop before he left. I would have waited it out until the employee is better to confirm what really happened, but my dad was so sure it was a con and they were trying to cause him unnecessary headache. So, without knowing the full story, he terminated the employee's work permit on the spot even though the employee's wife begged my dad not to. I don't know how they're doing now. I showed my dad that I could whatsapp him through Whatsapp Web, but he didn't want to listen. I don't know Soulmate. I believe in Karma. And who knows? The poor couple had been telling the truth but my dad was too blinded by rage to see the truth? So, now my dad and stepmom feels like evryone is out for them.. Complicated." Him-Him-Him-Him-HIM and SOD the employee's ACTUAL woes! Fits. So basically, your dad is frequently or even constantly suspicious and paranoid, with a persecution complex? That's Paranoid Personality Disorder, which is a common co-morbidity with a Narcissistic Sociopath. (Great...) AND your stepmum? Or does she just go along with anything he reckons? PS: Are you (or should I say, were you) WT? Did you change your username to avoid detection? If you aren't (because a lot of victims' situations are uncannily similar) - Search her via 'Alias'; you'll fall of your chair! If it is you - 'ELLO, STRANGER!...wondered where you'd got to?

Oh wait - the Narc-Spath might also at-first say a defiant, "DIDN'T HURT, MLEUGH!". PS: Your brother comes across as an Overt. Or does he deal you belated revenge as well? If so - Narc-Spath (young and unsophisticated).

So now that you know you ARE a target-victim - how has knowing exactly where you stand affected how you feel? More confident in defending yourself or walking off and refusing to engage? What's the latest?

PPS: No need to apologise for long ones to me. I could drone on for England! (or Spain now)

Heya, Soulmate! Good to see you're back! I hope everything is well^^ "Narc-Sociopath (overt and covert): ditto, AND plot to get worse revenge (usually involving wasting or stealing money or selling something of yours behind your back)." This sounds suspiciously close to KIAS.. He is the type to waste money on shoppig sprees, food deliveries(when there is no need to) and he recently bought a car.. Not that it is any of my problem, but, he has been asking for money from Royaals, Grouchy Potato and me. Mind you. His salary is way higher than me. He'd go out with his friends and splurge on shoes and clothes, then end up in a pickle because his car ends up in the workshop with tons of problems... From starter issues, battery, car belt etc. If I advise him to save and set aside emergency money, I'm a stuck up know-it-all wannabe b*%c^... When I leave him to plan his own financial woes, he gets mad and say that I don't care.. So, I've learned to ignore it and let him play "Chairman of Woe" on his own. He's the chairman, secretary and employee of his own business. I feel way more at ease because I don't have to worry about anything that's not mine to fret about^^ "So basically, your dad is frequently or even constantly suspicious and paranoid, with a persecution complex? That's Paranoid Personality Disorder, which is a common co-morbidity with a Narcissistic Sociopath. (Great...) AND your stepmum? Or does she just go along with anything he reckons?" Yup! Constantly paranoid and doesn't really trust them(even when they do a good job)... Stepmum gets into a fight with him most of the time on work issues. She stands her ground and actually gets him to see sense when he has none. They do reconcile after, so, all is well. "PS: Are you (or should I say, were you) WT? Did you change your username to avoid detection? If you aren't (because a lot of victims' situations are uncannily similar) - Search her via 'Alias'; you'll fall of your chair! If it is you - 'ELLO, STRANGER!...wondered where you'd got to?" Sorry to disappoint.. I'm not but will definitely check her out! "PS: Your brother comes across as an Overt. Or does he deal you belated revenge as well? If so - Narc-Spath (young and unsophisticated)" Definitely a Narc-Sociopath if the headache he repeatedly hands me on a silver pltter is anything to go by.. Feels like I have been raising children of my own and I don't even have a band 'round my ring finger(not planning on it anyway)! "What's the latest?" So! I have been walking off/refusing to engage mostly. Not really sophisticated, BUUT! It gets the job done! He sulks, runs his sailor mouth, tries to hit me(nothing I'm not used to) and I walk off. I don't want to hit back because I've done that before and got a talking from the Royaals. Stunned him into silence(and I held myself back) but I didn't like that version of me. The one time I let loose was when I had to because two seniors who got held back 2 years in my math class(primary 6), were targetting him. I didn't really remember anything much.. They hit my brother first and I hit back but the rest was a blank. We made it out fine, just bruises mostly. KIAS said I just started going ballistic and mad(said he'd never seen me that way). The two boys never looked at me and only ever talked if we were ever put in a group. Sounds like I'm boasting, right? Nope. I use that as a reminder to remind myself that everyone has a beast inside of them. I didn't remember what mine felt like but I didn't want to lose myself like that ever again for some petty, snotty, KIAS. If you were wondering, yes. I ws called into counselling fo that incident(was already in school counselling for various reasons anyway), but it was never discussed with any of our guardians. Just the party involved(4 of us). It's still one of the things I've come to regret til this day. So, I think walking off and refusing to engage is the best for everyone, including me. On the positive side, it seems to be working like a charm, right? "PPS: No need to apologise for long ones to me. I could drone on for England! (or Spain now)" I really didn't want to overflow the cup of water than necessary.. And it just felt really wrong to just spring that onto you. No worries! No long ones in the near future^^ At least thats what I'm hoping for! Aydie :)

P.S. WT is an AWESOME Greek, Soulmate^^ I'm just from SG! So, we can't be the same person^^; Though, I have to say. She has a lot on her plate! PHEW! Everyone who has responded could very well have been the lifeline she desperately needed! And still needs! Just seems to have been off radar for awhile..? Maybe she's busy with new TEA prepared for you^^

Hey, Soulmate! I hope everything is great with you! Really hope you're not stressed out or stretching yourself thin with schedules and errands! Not to worry, I'm just here because I'm too excited to talk to someone about something. Gives me the butterflies and funny feeling in my stomach the more I will myself to wait^^; Not an update on anything but I just wanted to share something with you! No one would listen here at the house anyway and I just really wanted to talk about it! I just finished watching Frankenstein(2025) and when I tell you that this is the most I've bawled my eyes out... It's best you believe it. I felt so deeply for "The Creature"(apparently that's what they're gonna call HIM in the movie) and the ending was beautiful. The quote is what did it for me. I think a lot of us would resonate. It goes like this. "And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on."- Lord Byron And that is true for A LOT of us, isn't it? We are just left to live with the repercussions of everything said and done, while left to our own devices to try and pick up the broken pieces, to heal, all at the same time. We can forgive but never forget. I think that's valid. We went through with the experience and we are allowed to process that. We are allowed to grief, feel the sorrow, the anger and it wouldn't make us a monster. I think that's what makes us human. Living beings. Everyone would have different perceptions of good, bad and evil. But, why do some never stop to think about what puts a person there in the first place? The abusers and the abused, the bullies and the bullied. There had to have been a chain that started it right? So, the question I have in mind is, we can still be kind to those who hurt us but still dislike them for all the grieve they caused us, right? Kindness doesn't mean weakness but maybe we can start seeing it as strength? P.S. Not that I'm saying all evil and bad are justifiable. I know you get what I'm trying to say here^^ Open to hear your thoughts on this, Soulmate! Aydie

Heya! Just done a marathon posting to Philameena. Going to have a sleep and then continue later today and tomorrow with yours and a couple of others', including a newbie. I've got Covid (it's happened every Winter since Xmas 2019), and, as usual, the recovery is very up-and-down, as in, thinking I must be better because I wake up feeling (comparitively-) great, but then the very next day - uuuurgh again. It's so irritating - I can't plan a single thing! There again - weather's crap this week...so that helps. Have you had it yet, do you know? Anyhoo - just letting you know I'm making my way to you. :)

Hey-hey! SORRY I'm so scarce lately. I am working on having more time, though. It's just, progrress is slow. Bloody everything and everyone here in Spain is slow. Good god. And this bloody persistent Covid just will not sod-off! I've got things to do! (shakes fist at sky) Anyhoo (i.e. "burrrp!" haha).... ""Narc-Sociopath (overt and covert): ditto, AND plot to get worse revenge (usually involving wasting or stealing money or selling something of yours behind your back)." "This sounds suspiciously close to KIAS.. He is the type to waste money on shoppig sprees, food deliveries(when there is no need to) and he recently bought a car.. Not that it is any of my problem, but, he has been asking for money from Royaals, Grouchy Potato and me. Mind you. His salary is way higher than me. He'd go out with his friends and splurge on shoes and clothes, then end up in a pickle because his car ends up in the workshop with tons of problems... From starter issues, battery, car belt etc. If I advise him to save and set aside emergency money, I'm a stuck up know-it-all wannabe b*%c^... When I leave him to plan his own financial woes, he gets mad and say that I don't care.. So, I've learned to ignore it and let him play "Chairman of Woe" on his own. He's the chairman, secretary and employee of his own business. I feel way more at ease because I don't have to worry about anything that's not mine to fret about^^"" Oh. DOES. it. Noted. Very, very noted. Blimey, then - you and your situation really ARE a 'carbon-copy' of WT! It's freaky, isn't it. Think about how many other "you and WTs" are out there right now, having basically the same conversations as we're having right here? So what sorts of antisocial and/or criminal things (even just domestically) has he done? Only to you? Or others as well? Does he Gaslight you physically, e.g. hide your keys and then, only once he's had his fun watching you get more and more frustrated and concerned, suddenly, magically, 'find them for you' - in the place you looked in first! ("You obviously didn't look properly") Is he like WT's brother, in that, he'll expect you to go to the shop for him, and 'loan him' money, etc.? ""So basically, your dad is frequently or even constantly suspicious and paranoid, with a persecution complex? That's Paranoid Personality Disorder, which is a common co-morbidity with a Narcissistic Sociopath. (Great...)" "AND your stepmum? Or does she just go along with anything he reckons?" Y"up! Constantly paranoid and doesn't really trust them(even when they do a good job)... Stepmum gets into a fight with him most of the time on work issues. She stands her ground and actually gets him to see sense when he has none. They do reconcile after, so, all is well."" Not if it's a pattern, it's not ('well'). (Ref WT's brother): "Definitely a Narc-Sociopath if the headache he repeatedly hands me on a silver pltter is anything to go by.. Feels like I have been raising children of my own and I don't even have a band 'round my ring finger(not planning on it anyway)!" Yuh. They've probably put you RIGHT off, I imagine?! ""What's the latest?" "So! I have been walking off/refusing to engage mostly. Not really sophisticated," Er! Yeah? It is? Google if you don't believe me? :p "BUUT! It gets the job done!" ZACKLY! "He sulks, runs his sailor mouth, tries to hit me(nothing I'm not used to) and I walk off." By 'tried' - do you mean he fails because you dodge his fist? Or is it "the back of his hand!"? "I don't want to hit back because I've done that before and got a talking from the Royaals." Oh nooo - a talking to from the Insanes - ooh noooo! Do YOU care? He needs a deterrent. It's an option. In any situation where you have to stop him because he's on a punching roll, certainly! "Stunned him into silence(and I held myself back)" But he knows you wouldn't ever be able to bring yourself to do that again, doesn't he. Wanna make him less sure again - by just raising a finger? "but I didn't like that version of me." THAT'S YOUR WHOLE PROBLEM (hang-up), RIGHT THERE. WHY didn't you? Weren't you proud that you could defend yourself in an attack situation (of a kind that no-one ever expects themselves to find themselves in)? Yes, NORMALLY we don't hit. But THIS ISN'T NORMALLY, IS IT. (- that's emphasis, btw, not shouting....no Italics on here) "The one time I let loose was when I had to because two seniors who got held back 2 years in my math class(primary 6), were targetting him. I didn't really remember anything much.. They hit my brother first and I hit back but the rest was a blank." Well done! Pathological Bullies don't understand Human language, reasoning.... Just their own lingo. Verbal Fists or Physical Fists. Paws and teeth. "We made it out fine, just bruises mostly. KIAS said I just started going ballistic and mad(said he'd never seen me that way). The two boys never looked at me and only ever talked if we were ever put in a group. Sounds like I'm boasting, right?" Yes, but not NEARLY enough! Picture an attempted mugging or rape on you! EEZ GUUUUURN DAAAAAOWN! (He's going down - it's London Cockney.) (Don't ask lol) You ever thought of joining a boxing or kick-boxing club? Reckon you've got summat there! :))))))) Or becoming a Policewoman and then Offence-Defense Trainer? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN WOULD NEVER EVER EVER EVER DAAARE DOOOO THAT?!?! WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW?! AND THAT'S IF THEY EVEN *COULD* BREAK THROUGH TRADITOINAL GENDER ROLE CONDITIONING OF A LIFETIME (GIANT TABOOS)?! You don't, do you. (Well I'm proud so - ...up yer bum, haha...change your attitude and remember - NORMALLY you wouldn't LOSE control like that, but this is NOT. NORMAL. It's a Survival Situation. In the Jungle (after all - where's the civilised family to save you?! Up THEIR bums! "If I am attacked - I will defend myself - END....OF. Because it is not somehing in my conscious control, but my nature, for the purposes of human survival. Complain to Management In The Sky.) Yeah. You're the head of the family alright. And THAT'S why Kais is trying to challenge and overpower you all the time! You threaten his already fragile sense of masculinity (because he's malprogrammed). I've got some fun homework for you if you want it? Project "Making K less sure". Since the parents can't be arsed to do anything about it - by human rights, it falls to you. OR you could threaten to call the Police, of course? Let's just double-check. Important question: Exactly when in relation to that rescue incident did he begin hitting you during these contrived arguments with you? "(Sounds like I'm boasting, right?) Nope. I use that as a reminder to remind myself that everyone has a beast inside of them." Yeah - and yours is a potential Gold Medal Winner! Boast all you like! "I didn't remember what mine felt like but I didn't want to lose myself like that ever again for some petty, snotty, KIAS." Awwww, shaaaa-daaaaap. Tsk. HE IS NOT.....'PETTY'. SAY IT 10 TIMES. What job do you do - and which would you love to do? "If you were wondering, yes. I ws called into counselling fo that incident(was already in school counselling for various reasons anyway)," Why did that need counselling?? Your younger brother was being beaten-up (WHERE WERE THE SCHOOL PLAYGROUND SUPERVISORS ANYWAY!?!) AND SO YOU SAVED HIM THE ONLY WAY THAT WAS OPEN TO YOU (fists)! What was he supposed to do - lie back and think of Sri Lanka? TWO AGAINST ONE - ARE YOU KIDDING ME! You did the natural thing, same as if a car had rolled over him and you'd had to lift the damn thing off all by yourself (which, in that situation, we can). Bad, buck-passing school, pff. PLUS... you were a schoolgirl, your frontal cortex where self-regulation lives hadn't even HALF-baked by then (it's only fully-baked and properly functional around age 25). Two against one. Your brother was in REAL danger. They could have killed him for all anyone knows. IT HAPPENS. If I had to walk down a dark alley where I could see 2 lying in wait - I'd want YOU by my side. (Cor, yeah?!) Kais thinks he's safe now. Silly-silly (brainwashed) boy. He's trying-on Being Dad ("How could he have done/said that to Mum/me!"), as well. Two aims for the price of one (typical lazy-lazy n-spath). "but it was never discussed with any of our guardians. Just the party involved(4 of us)." Uh-huh - I can believe that. "It's still one of the things I've come to regret til this day." Until this day, is right, my luv. DO NOT SWALLOW THAT GASLIGHTING! At most, you should have been congratulated on your incredible bravery and strength WHILST having it explained to you, that hitting isn't acceptable. Although - that doesn't include for the fact that IN THAT SITUATION, with no other options (and no adults to intervene ffs!!!!!) - it bloody is. Go to the mirror RIGHT NOW and say to your reflection: "I'm beeping HARD, I am!.....I could be a Bodyguard....." and then flex your muscles and go, 'Whoooooooar - muscles!'. "So, I think walking off and refusing to engage is the best for everyone, including me." It's an option yes. For girls that fight like paper windmills. But that's not your special talent (smirk), is it. You're hard and scarayyyyyyy. Think about if you'd been him and he'd been the one to rescue you from that two-against-one attack situation? ...And how much closer as well as grateful-Amen YOU would have felt. INSTEAD, you got.... (or so I suspect - RSvP the higher-up question re. timing). "On the positive side, it seems to be working like a charm, right?" Yeah. But if he's an N-Spath - FOR HOW LONG? You need more tools than the one for an N-Spath because they're Covert whilst Overt. And then there's their nice side...which just FEELS nice in-contrast but isn't much to write home about in reality. (Correct?) ""PPS: No need to apologise for long ones to me. I could drone on for England! (or Spain now)" I really didn't want to overflow the cup of water than necessary.. And it just felt really wrong to just spring that onto you. No worries! No long ones in the near future^^ At least thats what I'm hoping for!"" Nnnnooooo, I wasn't complaining or hinting for you to type less - good god, no! No - LOTS of long ones in the future! Or any length you like! (I ain't getting in YOUR way, Arnina Schwarzenegger?!! HAHA!)

I haven't forgotten Parte Deux, I'm just basking in my pride of you. You can join me if you like? :)

Okay, enough basking... But - no WONDER you're so intent on being ladylike! You'd been made to feel ASHAMED AND GUILTY of your incredibly rare talent! It takes strength WAY beyond your age to break through a so-called moral taboo that huge! Most women freeze....don't even GET to "do the silly windmill hands or arms thing". Or even pull the attacker's hair! Youz a Warrior. You won't even NEED a man! You any good at DIY? (just askin') _________________________________________________________________ PS: Whilst you're at the mirror - please say this 15 times on the trot and then once every morning thereafter (even if you have to whisper it fiercefully): 'Nice girls don't hit. But they DOOOOOO HIT...*BACK* ...wwwwhenever they have to'. K? And say Sorry and Thank-You to your inner naked She-ape because you've hurt her feelings and probably confused the UCK out of her! You two need to be a TEAM, it is SO important to your welfare. Poor thing. She was just doing her job. And what a job she did! (I mean it so please do it?) (Ta. :X) Oh, yeah - part 2!.....

"I hope everything is great with you! Really hope you're not stressed out or stretching yourself thin with schedules and errands! Not to worry, I'm just here because I'm too excited to talk to someone about something. Gives me the butterflies and funny feeling in my stomach the more I will myself to wait^^;" Oh really?! I haven't read ahead! Ooh, this sounds exciting!! "Not an update on anything but I just wanted to share something with you!" Yeah-yeah - get on with it?! (hahaa, sorry) "No one would listen here at the house anyway and I just really wanted to talk about it! I just finished watching Frankenstein(2025) and when I tell you that this is the most I've bawled my eyes out... It's best you believe it. I felt so deeply for "The Creature"(apparently that's what they're gonna call HIM in the movie) and the ending was beautiful. The quote is what did it for me. I think a lot of us would resonate. It goes like this. "And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on."- Lord Byron And that is true for A LOT of us, isn't it?" (sober face) Yep. Sadly. But this is part of celestial army-training (my symmetrical theory). It's hard work peppered with fun. But mostly hard work, physically AND mentally. In-training for the next level. And training is FAR harder for Officers and Generals, than, for Privates, isn't it. Like a long, drawn-out interview replete with psychological and physical tests. Like British Airways and the like used to do with (to) applicants - remember? Role-Playing and all that shite, written tests, usually over a 3-day period was it?? Splains why "them up there" gave you 'big guns' and height. 'Currently', Kais is your Obstacle Course and Marathon Run with bricks in your rucksack in the pouring rain, thunder, lightning, mud, cold, lactose build-up. (He's an unignorable PAIN, isn't he. What a superb dumbbell he makes! That they ALL make! You got given a whole set, look! Although...saying that - why the muscles unless you're going to be with the Grunts, getting in there? Squadron Leader at least, then! Yeah, baby.) "We are just left to live with the repercussions of everything said and done, while left to our own devices to try and pick up the broken pieces, to heal," To make our skin tougher - like a natural, self-grown suit-of-armour. "all at the same time. We can forgive but never forget. I think that's valid. We went through with the experience and we are allowed to process that. We are allowed to grief, feel the sorrow, the anger and it wouldn't make us a monster. I think that's what makes us human. Living beings. Everyone would have different perceptions of good, bad and evil. But, why do some never stop to think about what puts a person there in the first place?" YUSSSS! "The abusers and the abused, the bullies and the bullied. There had to have been a chain that started it right?" YES. But you and your future kids (yeah you will - you're too strong and healthy to resist>) will be the Full-Stop - as per the NSPCC saying, 'Cruelty to Children must stop - FULL STOP!'. You're the Full-Stop in your family line. :) "So, the question I have in mind is, we can still be kind to those who hurt us but still dislike them for all the grieve they caused us, right?" If that's your groove, yes. "Kindness doesn't mean weakness but maybe we can start seeing it as strength?" The phrase you're looking for is, 'Tough Love'. Or 'Hate me now and love me forever later - I don't mind, I can wait'. Yep. He needs an effective deterrent. (Don't forget your magic word: "BACK". And google Narc Victim Reactive Abuse. PS: The court would not prosecute you for that.) "P.S. Not that I'm saying all evil and bad are justifiable. I know you get what I'm trying to say here^^ Open to hear your thoughts on this, Soulmate!" Yeah-yeah - I'm on your wavelength, no wozzies! :)

PS: (for any kids, spying) "And google Narc Victim Reactive Abuse. PS: The court would not prosecute you for that" Weight-for-weight, I mean. I.e. got punched - punched back. If you got out a chainsaw, however - THEN they would. In-Kilter. "Reasonable Force". (The Force be with you, Luketta, haha.)

Hello, Soulmate! "Heya! Just done a marathon posting to Philameena. Going to have a sleep and then continue later today and tomorrow with yours and a couple of others', including a newbie." Oof! That's a lot of things to get done by yourself.. So, you are in a way stretched out thin! You should get paid for this! We should start a petition for you to be rewarded for your work, professor. "I've got Covid (it's happened every Winter since Xmas 2019), and, as usual, the recovery is very up-and-down, as in, thinking I must be better because I wake up feeling (comparitively-) great, but then the very next day - uuuurgh again. It's so irritating - I can't plan a single thing! There again - weather's crap this week...so that helps. Have you had it yet, do you know?" Are you okay?! I think you do deserve a good rest, don't you think? Health comes first, always! Well, no. I have quite a strong immune system(which unfortuntely breaks down at weird times..) and ave been sick only twice or thrice ths year. They're mostly just normal cases of flu and I recover quickly; the longest being 5 days. I hope you do find yourself snuggled up comfortably, though, you don't really get to be comfortable with Covid do you? Heard that it's awful.. (I'll try to tuck you in!) Here! Have some warm cocoa and let me get you some books or sketch pads to help past time! Crayons, colour pencils, watercolour markers? Oh! and I am prescribing you with no laptop day for... Well! Until you get better! You are also on bed rest until I deem you well enough to get up! Yes. ^^; "SORRY I'm so scarce lately. I am working on having more time, though. It's just, progrress is slow. Bloody everything and everyone here in Spain is slow. Good god. And this bloody persistent Covid just will not sod-off! I've got things to do! (shakes fist at sky)" Hahahaa! Hey, now! What did I say? Bed. Now, please^^ You need rest! I know you have things to do, but they won't be able to be done if the person who is supposed to be doing them is not able to recover. Yes? Maybe it's a sign for you to get much needed rest for yourself^^ I'm sure you hve been running yourself to the ground with replying and giving advise around here in the virtual world, while also running errands out here in the real world. I'm sure we all need a break sometimes. (I'm going to put my foot down on this and I hope this doesn't come out rude). Pause for a moment and take time for yourself right this instant, Soulmate! I'm doing this for your own good, because you are sick and deserve to rest! Come on. Off to bed you go^^ "Only to you? Or others as well? Does he Gaslight you physically, e.g. hide your keys and then, only once he's had his fun watching you get more and more frustrated and concerned, suddenly, magically, 'find them for you' - in the place you looked in first! ("You obviously didn't look properly") Is he like WT's brother, in that, he'll expect you to go to the shop for him, and 'loan him' money, etc.?" Ah! I see what you're getting at now.. It is quite similar yes. I hope WT is doing alright wherever she is! Gaslighting, check! Shop for him.. Yes and no. It corresponds with the loaning of money, I think? He shops on his own for apparels, fashion and scents. He does however, tries to lure my sister and I to get things for his car "first" and he'll pay bck afterwards. Sometimes it's "I'm doing something important at the moment". Other times it's "I couldn't find that website you found those items at. Get them for me first?". Most of the time it's just "It's one item! Do you hve to be so calculative?!". So, there you go. Worked for years before(in his favour), because I admit we were(my sis and I) trying to parent him with no solid lessons on how to parent a child. We were however, able to catch up on the con tactics say, 4 years ago..? We have since been able to spot the con before he's gotten far. He has since been apprehended and an outstanding debt of $1K+ to be made to both victims. We will see to it that the payment be made to accordance of the amounts reported to have been conned out of the victims. End of report. ^^ So, yeah. He's been living too comfortably on the expense of others and now, he's constantly reminded by us how much he owes us. We're not that evil, I promise you. Would have amounted to a lot more for sure. These is just from LAST YEAR.. We conceded defeat because he was starting out on a new job and he seemed to need it more than us at the time. So, why demand that back if that was the case? We found out that he had a whopping $28k in his stead, that we didn't know about. We found out because he used it to get the car he has now. Made a depo of $22k and we were made to believe he had no money for bus fares, food etc. Did we felt used? Hell yeah! We were stopping ourselves from using those dineros on ourselves for him when he already has that. It's not fair because my sis and I were fretting on transport money to get to and come back from work. We were trying to cut on expenses where we can and resorted to just taking paracetamol for our fevers because we would still have to fork out money for the visits. No doctor visits means no MCs to rest home from work and it was awful. So, yes! We are going to demand that $1k(in total not individually). "Yuh. They've probably put you RIGHT off, I imagine?!" That... and also a combintion of just me. Never had a romantic and/or sexual attraction to anyone or anything. Weird. Maybe..? Trauma. #$&% NO! It's not trauma. Just find the whole romance and sex appalling in total. Just not for me. "Er! Yeah? It is?" Right! Sorry! The Narc fleas.. God, it's difficult. Okay! "By 'tried' - do you mean he fails because you dodge his fist? Or is it "the back of his hand!"?" Well... He never misses and I DO dodge(not one to set myself up for a concussion protocol). He hits but if there is no reaction then there is no need for further action(he has half a mind to know it's not really a dignified win if it's one-sided) and he just storms off to his cave for hibernation. ^^; "Do YOU care? He needs a deterrent. It's an option. In any situation where you have to stop him because he's on a punching roll, certainly!" At the moment I was getting a talkdown, NO. I have enough sense to know if I hadn't fought back, I would be the one getting hurt and no one would have given a rat's ass about it. It's always this talk about the youngest being defenseless or helpless, but never the consequences they have to face even though they are the ones to hurt the older siblings! Because what do you mean they are helpless?! The F-ing kid just gave my cheek a bruise AND! He slammed my sister's face to the floor just becausehe was mad at her! "She irritaed him, no?". She lost a tooth! Blood is involved! But it's as if everyone is suddenly blind because he's the youngest and the only boy in the family.. WTF?! What. A. Load. Of. Horse crap. He was 5. "You ever thought of joining a boxing or kick-boxing club? Reckon you've got summat there! :)))))))" Oh no... "It promotes violence and as such not welcomed anywhere near our family!". *whispering incredulously * Violence has always been in the house. What rubbish are they trying to conjour? I did try attending once to get a feel for it. They just have their noses so into my business.. It didn't last -__-; "Let's just double-check. Important question: Exactly when in relation to that rescue incident did he begin hitting you during these contrived arguments with you?" Oh! You thought it started after that.. No! Oh God, no! He was hitting my sister and I since he was younger. He has always gotten away with the hitting because he's the prince of the house and all that crap. He was already violent since he was 5. He just never had to face the consequences of his actions because the adults around us didn't give a shit. Late grandmother was alwys enabling his actions. Parents weren't around. Late grandfather only cared about my sister. It's a whole shit show! So, no. He wasn't violent after that. He has always been violent. "HE IS NOT.....'PETTY'. SAY IT 10 TIMES." Okay.. Calculative and cunning then..? "Why did that need counselling?? Your younger brother was being beaten-up (WHERE WERE THE SCHOOL PLAYGROUND SUPERVISORS ANYWAY!?!) AND SO YOU SAVED HIM THE ONLY WAY THAT WAS OPEN TO YOU (fists)! What was he supposed to do - lie back and think of Sri Lanka? TWO AGAINST ONE - ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" I get it though. Violence- of any sort- is not condoned in school grounds. But yeah! I was protecting my brother. He, like the rest of us is an attending school student. Younger one at that and I was looking out for a younger fellow school student. I was doing what needed to be done and that was to defend the younger student from being the target of obvious bullying. I did found it unfair that I was told to have known better than to fight back. What was I supposed to do? Run off to find a teacher all the way in the staff room while leaving him to get beat up?! Yeah, no! That could have been anyone and I still would have done the same thing. Adults are just funny and confusing sometimes(some of them at least).. "At most, you should have been congratulated on your incredible bravery and strength WHILST having it explained to you, that hitting isn't acceptable. Although - that doesn't include for the fact that IN THAT SITUATION, with no other options (and no adults to intervene ffs!!!!!) - it bloody is." Congratulated? I was lucky we were all just let go with a warning. "No adults around?! There were still teachers in the school!" They had said firmly. Yeah! All the way in the other block enjoying the aircon while grading and preparing lessons for tomorrow sure! There weren't any AROUND us when shit when down! It's like trying to show the blind where the signboard is! It's obviously in front, but they can't see... Urghhhh! "Think about if you'd been him and he'd been the one to rescue you from that two-against-one attack situation? ...And how much closer as well as grateful-Amen YOU would have felt." I would have felt grateful and I'd owe my life to him. They were big guys(the bulliies)! I wouldn't necessarily worship the ground he walked on, but I would have stood up for him. He SAVED my LIFE! Not to sound dramatic but they were really going all out! I would have felt grateful if our positions were the opposite. "Yeah. But if he's an N-Spath - FOR HOW LONG?" Oh, not long! He's already getting restless and on the verge of giving up to find a new victim. He has been trying to rile up people in the house but no one would give him the attention. So far he's been having sparring sessions with his friends. If he tries again with me, I don't know. MIght just give him one straight to the nose. We'll see. "You need more tools than the one for an N-Spath because they're Covert whilst Overt. And then there's their nice side...which just FEELS nice in-contrast but isn't much to write home about in reality. (Correct?)" I can't refute this. I might have to look at it from a diferent angle. Volcanoes. Dormant doesn't mean they're done with eruptions and lava flow. What is this though? Pompeii? Montserrat? Those are really hard to to get definitive readings on their activities. "You any good at DIY? (just askin')" I don't know. I can do simple fixing the hose stuff. I don't build things but if I do have the equipments I would. I was in D&T instead of HomeEcons in school anyway. Love making stuff. Cooking.. Average at best..? I try and I haven't burned a house down..? ^^; Have always scored better in D&T anyway! But take the info at face value. "And say Sorry and Thank-You to your inner naked She-ape because you've hurt her feelings and probably confused the UCK out of her! You two need to be a TEAM, it is SO important to your welfare. Poor thing. She was just doing her job. And what a job she did! (I mean it so please do it?) (Ta. :X)" Oh YES! Certainly will. Don't you worry! We're chilling togethr with a crime documentary last night^^ Slept well dare I say! She's in good hands, I assure you ;) "(He's an unignorable PAIN, isn't he. What a superb dumbbell he makes! That they ALL make! You got given a whole set, look! Although...saying that - why the muscles unless you're going to be with the Grunts, getting in there? Squadron Leader at least, then! Yeah, baby.)" Hey! Free membership is all I'm seeing! Premium and lifelong free sessions! Good deal;) They cost a fortune these days. Yu gotta use the resources you have at hand! "But you and your future kids (yeah you will - you're too strong and healthy to resist>) will be the Full-Stop - as per the NSPCC saying, 'Cruelty to Children must stop - FULL STOP!'." Well, adoption is a option. But yes. Bottomline is, cruelty to ANYONE should stop! I don't know how children were allowed to be subjected to cruelty was even allowed or looked over, but it stops now! With me at least! It's not posssible to change the world overnight, but we can start the positive shift. A gentle nudge, I suppose. "Weight-for-weight, I mean. I.e. got punched - punched back. If you got out a chainsaw, however - THEN they would. In-Kilter. "Reasonable Force"." Yeah, of course! We're not out to be psychopathic serial killers. We want to stand up for ourselves when we're being wronged and targetted by people- family or not. "(I ain't getting in YOUR way, Arnina Schwarzenegger?!! HAHA!) (The Force be with you, Luketta, haha.)" Which do you prefer? Obi-Wan Kenobi or Master Yoda? You're actually both! Oh! Silly me. Professor Higgins and Professor Soulmate! You're about to have a field day with those names^^ Aydie^^

Also! Orange juice, fresh fruit juices and electrolytes! Keep yourself hydrated^^ I wish you a speedy recovery!

Hey, Soulmate! Hoping you're doing well and feeling a bit better! It's 25th of Dec, so I just wanna pop in real quick to wish you a merry christmas^^ I hope that you would at least get to celebrate christmas with your family and friends! If covid still has a hold on you, I do hope you're on your way to recovery. Once again, merry christmas and happy new year! Aydie^^

I am - thank-you, chickadee!...just in-time for the Crimbo thread: https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/13997/the-christmas-day-muckaround-thread Come on over and muck around! :) Nope, I'm completely solo today (hoo-raayyyy!), save for my cats and birds, obviously. My excuse was the fact that I might still be infectious. But, seriously - I want to be fit for January as I've got my UK friends visiting soon, followed by my son.

Happy 2026, Soulmate!! I want you to know that I'm grateful to have stumbled upon this site and met you here^^ I hope you're gifted with health, joy and success in 2026!! Happy New Year's, Soulmate! Aydie^^

Soulmate!! This is an S.O.S of some sort.. It's not really important, so I didn't wanna flood the Christmas thread unnecessarily :( I don't know if you've watched or heard about Stranger Things before this, but I don't know how else to percieve it. KIAS said I was the embodiment of Steve 'The Hair' Harrington. Should I percieve it as an insult? A compliment? Like Steve was a douchebag in the 1st season. He was the typical jock to other students.. So, I'm a douche to people without even realising it?! I thought Vecna was the A-Hole... Well, there is Papa who was the one actually experimenting on kids.. So, he's THE main douchebag in my opinion. But! The embodiment of Steve Harrington? Is he trying to say that he's been the victim this whole time? I find myself doubting myself and it doesn't make sense. But my sister is saying that he's the douche.. I'm confused :(

Hey, Soulmate. I hope the new year has been treating you well so far. Has your health been good? I'm kindda worried after not having hearing from you for quite a while. Then again, I'm not really sure if I do have the right to worry because I don't know you personally. I am though, so, really hoping that all is good and well with you. I haven't been active here, but I do wanna ask for your opinion on somethings. I remembered this casual conversation with my aunt(my stepmom's younger sister), and it's been bothering me..? Or at least got me thinking(rare times when my brain works) about it. I mentioned casually how, there's not much difference in having a new mom because my dad married her for her and vice versa. There's just an additional person in the family. Yes, she takes the initiative to fulfill my siblings food cravings, but she's not motherly.. You know what I'm trying to say? And I get it(expected the outcome even) that she would defend my stepmom because that's her sister. I didn't even know why I felt like I could talk to her about it.. She said that it's her first time being a mom, so I can't just expect her to know what she's doing. And I get it. I do. But then, there's this small voice that keeps asking why I was expected to know how to mother my younger siblings. Why I should have already grasp the concept at 9, when I too needed a parent? Why it was deemed acceptable for the adults to throw me into motherhood and dictate how to do so at the same time. Honestly, I feel angry, enraged maybe but more than that, I think I'm also confused. Why did they expect me to step into a role and then get mad when I do it. Why wasn't I allowed to ask questions but expected to just 'go with the flow'? Why is it that it's a first time for someone else but it just automatically wasn't for me? I can't turn back time and change anything, but 'mourning' for my lost childhood seems useless... I don't know... Maybe I'm overthinking and over-reacting to nothing.. I just wanted to let this out... It's been killing me for so long and I've tried to ignore it in hopes that it would fade over time, but it didn't.. I know I'm intense and dramatic(everyone has told me as such), but it's not wrong to question sometimes, right? And, I think I deserve a free pass, because it's been bugging me for a while? Right? I'm sorry... It's not my intention to flood you with this. I just don't have anyone to talk about it with.. My intention to know about how you're doing is sincere and I want you to know that. Ok.. I'm starting to ramble, so, I'll just end it here. Hope you're faring well, friend(I really hope we are- are we?) and hope to talk to you soon. Aydie

Heya! Bumping you up as I anticipate another window tomorrow (praise dee Lawd!). :)

As per the Xmas Thread message: Nope, I didn't (the gales). Bumping you up again, too (with CN)...

Hey Aydie!... I'm afraid I've never watched Stranger Things so I'm clueless. But remember: (1) Kias isn't exactly mentally well. So really - how does his opinion about anything emotional or interpersonal count? Plus, (2) don't forget, Narcissism makes him Project, meaning, any accusations you get from one are basically confessions (fact). Same as if they're cheating on their lover: they start accusing their lover of having an affair. So what he's 'saying', is HE is like this character. I would cease caring what comes out of his mouth, but, as she's still making sense, listen to her. Or me. Douche...pff. You wouldn't know HOW to be a douche, and you know it. Was that just a wobble?

"I hope the new year has been treating you well so far." Nnnope, haha! "Has your health been good?" Nnope! "I'm kindda worried after not having hearing from you for quite a while. Then again, I'm not really sure if I do have the right to worry because I don't know you personally. I am though, so, really hoping that all is good and well with you. " Course you do! And thank-you. I'm alright, it's just non-stop practical (and legal) headaches, mainly. "I haven't been active here, but I do wanna ask for your opinion on somethings. I remembered this casual conversation with my aunt(my stepmom's younger sister)," (Step-Aunt.) " and it's been bothering me..? Or at least got me thinking(rare times when my brain works) about it. I mentioned casually how, there's not much difference in having a new mom because my dad married her for her and vice versa. There's just an additional person in the family. Yes, she takes the initiative to fulfill my siblings food cravings, but she's not motherly.. You know what I'm trying to say? And I get it(expected the outcome even) that she would defend my stepmom because that's her sister. I didn't even know why I felt like I could talk to her about it.." Desperate for someone's feedback? (I'm so sorry I'm always so busy these days...I'll get it sorted, it's just a case of when). "She said that it's her first time being a mom, so I can't just expect her to know what she's doing." Fairenoughski. (Not TOO defensive, then? That's good.) "And I get it. I do. But then, there's this small voice that keeps asking why I was expected to know how to mother my younger siblings. Why I should have already grasp the concept at 9, when I too needed a parent? Why it was deemed acceptable for the adults to throw me into motherhood and dictate how to do so at the same time. Honestly, I feel angry, enraged maybe but more than that, I think I'm also confused." Starting to feel angry or indignant and resentful is normal when you're on the Recovery Path, and especially when you're in your 20s. It's a good thing. You don't have to be confused, though, you just have to read up on how and why Narcissists "Parentify" their own kids and thereby realise, it's nothing personal. After all, that's Narcs' trouble - they can't bond properly or at all so - they can't GET personal. They'd have done it to you even if you'd been Angelina Jolie or Princess Di herself! Trust me on that. It's because you're kind, selfless and mature for your age - and not at all a douche. A "perverse compliment". And it does give you strengths and skills you wouldn't ordinarily have at your young age.) "Why did they expect me to step into a role and then get mad when I do it." Because they're the ones who are confused. PERMANENTLY. And, in order to keep you down and not let you 'get ideas above your station'. The work without the job status, recognition, salary and perks. Plus, they need people to constantly criticise. As for gratitude...pff, their ego won't let them (over-entitled). "Why wasn't I allowed to ask questions but expected to just 'go with the flow'? Why is it that it's a first time for someone else but it just automatically wasn't for me? I can't turn back time and change anything, but 'mourning' for my lost childhood seems useless..." Nope, it's not useless at all - quite the opposite. It's GOOD that you're finally grieving properly; about time too. You'll feel much better once it's done. And - you wait until you get to leave home. You'll LOVE it! Don't worry. This giant childhood lemon will definitely pay dividends in the not-too-distant future. It's how it goes. "I don't know... Maybe I'm overthinking and over-reacting to nothing.." Nope! The opposite. "I just wanted to let this out... It's been killing me for so long and I've tried to ignore it in hopes that it would fade over time, but it didn't.." 'The only thing that doesn't decompose when you bury it, is pain'. But first you have to have a clear UNDERSTANDING about what exactly you've been put through. And now you do...so the toxins can start coming out (grieving). "I know I'm intense and dramatic(everyone has told me as such)," NO YOU ARE BLOODY NOT. I'd tell you if you were. Stop listening to them. Keep saying this in your head (because it's true): 'Be who you are and say how you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.' "but it's not wrong to question sometimes, right?" True, true... "And, I think I deserve a free pass, because it's been bugging me for a while? Right?" GOD, yeah! "I'm sorry... It's not my intention to flood you with this." Don't be silly. It's not you - it's me and my life overload thus unavailability. " I just don't have anyone to talk about it with.. My intention to know about how you're doing is sincere and I want you to know that. Ok.. I'm starting to ramble, so, I'll just end it here. Hope you're faring well, friend(I really hope we are- are we?) and hope to talk to you soon." Don't worry - I'm never going to abandon you. I don't know how anyway. You just need to remind yourself that sooner or later I'll be back on again. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You're a sweetie. A sweetie, surrounded by idiots and arseholes. Just keep swiii-mming, just keep swiii-mming. It's just a psychological process. Now that you're letting it all out, it won't be too long until you feel a lot happier and surer of yourself. AND proud. :)

PS: That was a very fair-and mature-minded response your Aunt gave you, meant to reassure you it wasn't you. She sounds nice (not to mention, sane). Any chance you can build a closer relationship with her and start visiting her at her house for tea or whatever? Could you turn up on her doorstep with a little bunch of flowers or box of chocs or something, 'to say thanks for her comforting feedback the other day'? I used to just come out with the truth and say: 'I like you - you're nice. Can I come for tea tomorrow?'. They'd be so touched they'd say Yes (in shock haha). I also made friends with some of the elderly pensioners in my immediate area (advice on the telly because it was heavily snowing for months). I discovered they were GREAT fun and jam-packed with experience and wisdom (not to mention detailed War Stories and photos). One became our family friend and babysat for us kids, came for Xmas, etc. Her SOH was amazing, had us all on the floor. I decided after that, that as I was a mini-adult, what I needed was ADULT friends. And then there was no stopping me! People always overlook the elderly and they can be crushingly bored and lonely. What a waste! So it's nice to find one or two to regularly visit and check on, for the company (sanity injection!) as well as the warm glow it gives you. Not to mention the strong sense of connection/friendship. Sometimes, just one little move can make a huge difference to your life. Has this given you ideas? You need to spend less time around your "faminily", basically.

Oh, and yes, of course! But the correct term is, Pen-Pals. I had a French pen-pal once... took two weeks for our letters to reach one another. Haha - at the moment, speaking on the practical level - that fits! It was great! We learnt each others' lingo really easily that way. You ever had a pen-pal?

Talk about a coinkydinky?! Check-out my just-now paste in on L33's thread. Only just found the article - only came out today! https://www.peoplesproblems.org/showtopic/14016/veteran-ptsd#jumptobottom So to focus/calm down or even peeled off the ceiling - Tetris is your one-stop shop! (Hmmmm....I wonder what Angry Birds can do?) Maybe I deep-down knew that Tetris held this power, hence it's my abiding favourite? Certainly, when ex-spouse moaned about how much time son was spending lately on his Playstation then Xbox, I (main custodian) replied, 'He's using it to manage the flow of his terrible grieving ((thanks to you)). He'll be a while ((and you shoulda thoughta that)). BYE-EEEE!' In other words - he subconsciously knows what he's doing, the sign he's over it will be when he grows BORED of it and goes back outside again (which he did - switched his obsession back to skateboarding), so mind yer own business and remember you and you alone made it none of your business any more, how he copes... (And other secret, internal rantings, haha.) Bit shpookayy though... talking about it with you and then "in the same breath", up pops that article?

Hey, Soulmate! "Douche...pff. You wouldn't know HOW to be a douche, and you know it. Was that just a wobble?" See. I am. I act out in school and it was the only place I could do so, knowing my teachers won't call home because parents aren't going to be available and our only caretakers then were our grandparents. I wasn't a goody-two shoes and the counselling sessions I had in school are just concrete evidence of that. I never mentioned this to anyone. I got into fights. A lot of them. I just needed to let this RAGE out somehow and that was the only way I could do so. I got spanked a lot at home yes, but the pain when you get into fights that you chose, feels way different. I feel this type of control that I never had at home. Thrilling. Exciting. Hence, why I didn't back down from going at it with the 2 bullies. I'd get in trouble for schoolwork because I can. Maybe I wanted the teachers to question my life at home. When they do, I hide. Pretend everything's ok. That's manipulation. I am a douche. And I know it. Sorry to disappoint you. "Course you do! And thank-you. I'm alright, it's just non-stop practical (and legal) headaches, mainly. Desperate for someone's feedback? (I'm so sorry I'm always so busy these days...I'll get it sorted, it's just a case of when)." I really am sorry to hear that. Here I thought this new year might be a bearable one at least.. I think it's just right that you take some time off here if it would be of help to you. "Nope, it's not useless at all - quite the opposite. It's GOOD that you're finally grieving properly; about time too. You'll feel much better once it's done. And - you wait until you get to leave home. You'll LOVE it!" Trust me. I can't wait to be 35. But then again. I responsibility of caring for my parents in their old age falls on me automatically... Haven't been parents to me, but I'm expected to care for them.. The world is unjust. "Don't be silly. It's not you - it's me and my life overload thus unavailability. Don't worry - I'm never going to abandon you. I don't know how anyway. You just need to remind yourself that sooner or later I'll be back on again." You know, Soulmate. I hope you don't take this wrong in any way. You don't have to explain yourself when you are actually dealing with important stuff. And if it's giving you headaches and migraines(I'm sure), I think the importance of your health always comes first. You're a person with human problems and responsibilities like everyone else here, so, give yourself some credit. I'm not worried about you abandoning me either. You proved that to me as much. You listening and 'showing up' more than any other adult/person is evident enough. I mean this when I say it. I tend to get dramatic and ramble in panic when I get into thinking mode. I do, I promise ^^;. It's just my way of processing my thoughts and the one time my brain juice actually works. Critical thinking skills are not my forte. Sometimes I just need to ramble and get these depressing, anxious thoughts I have in my head and it always ends up being here because I feel safe. But it sucks as well because, once it's up, I can't delete it and I am usually able to think straight afterwards. I hope you know that you and other posters are appreciated with every reply you give, yeah!! "Any chance you can build a closer relationship with her and start visiting her at her house for tea or whatever? Could you turn up on her doorstep with a little bunch of flowers or box of chocs or something, 'to say thanks for her comforting feedback the other day'?" I would do that, but she's all the way in Indonesia and if I turn up there with no apparent reason, it would be problem with my parents here. You don't just do that in this household, anyway. "Has this given you ideas?" Call me cliché or whatever. I do tend to feel at ease with older people. I get along well and I am less nervous when we share conversations. I stutter less too^^ I share conversations with my neighbour and it's very easy to fall into a comfortable chat. Sure, it's a painful reminder of something I could have had with my late grandparents if I had tried harder, but it has always been easier to talk about anything with older people. I did try to have a relationship with my grandparents while they were around, they just had their sights on the other kids. But that's ok. Step grandmother seems to have a soft spot for me but, apparently she can never be my grandma(step-aunt's words, the very same), never stopped me from trying this time around. She's also in Indonesia(what a bummer), but I get to speak with her if step-mom calls. "You ever had a pen-pal?" I'm afraid not. Heard about the term before though. "(Hmmmm....I wonder what Angry Birds can do?)" I could imagine knocking them off their high horses, wipe the smirk off their faces. Their wobbly buildings made of wood. Kindda helped when KIAS laughed in my face the other day. Asked if I ever tasted shoe in my mouth, I had. Went on to explain that I was told to unalive myself by late grandmother and when I told her that the only thing holding me back was self control, a shoe landed smack in the middle of my face then into my food. He laughed said that I deserved it. Sure. I wasn't the one who told me off myself but I somehow still deserved it. I'll take it. Helped release this aggression I had, but the pain still lingers like an effing bruise! "Maybe I deep-down knew that Tetris held this power, hence it's my abiding favourite? Certainly, when ex-spouse moaned about how much time son was spending lately on his Playstation then Xbox, I (main custodian) replied, 'He's using it to manage the flow of his terrible grieving ((thanks to you)). He'll be a while ((and you shoulda thoughta that)). BYE-EEEE!'" Had the same sentiment thrown to me. 'Why are you so fixated on movies and dramas?!' I wanted to scream back that it's the only escape I could ever get and I have ever known but I didn't do it. I just said that I love them and it keeps me at ease. Step-mom said I might be a bit too psychopathic with all the gory scenes, I beg to differ. Nonsensical to them both, but lots of messages to receive and learn from in my pov. We can agree to disagree. "Bit shpookayy though... talking about it with you and then "in the same breath", up pops that article?" I don't know. I believe in signs that when something is meant to help or offer guidance, it does in it's own magical ways. Or I'm in way over my head. Maybe it's meant to act as an assistant for you to help multiple people if possible? F$%/ it! I'm not high. Not on any meds even. Ok yeah. P.S. It's good to hear from you, Soulmate! Take your time and take care of yorself until then my friend! I won't be able to be here for quite a while too anyways. Paperwork's piling and the printing of those docs won't print itself ^□^ Til then, Aydie^^

Just bumping you up!...

Re: I'm Aydan, 27 years old. I have been noticing something weird for years now >If it has been ongoin for years now, it is not somethin weird - it is NOW the norm it has been on goin for soo long, it is expected - NOT weird

Hi there, MISSGUIDED79, I get what you're saying. I guess I didn't want to acknowledge what was going on..? They're family. I didn't want to be overreacting to nothing initially.. But, yeah. It was already a norm in the household. Bitter pill to swallow. I guess. Thank you though. I appreciate that. Aydan

Will get to you and everyone over the next couple of days (pant-pant!) but just for now in response to your latest: That little lot still doesn't make you a douche. So there..... "mleugh!", haha! You know you now have to go apologise to Jeff again in the mirror for that, doncha? Again, she was trying to cope the only way she was (un-)equipped to at that age, in situations that doesn't follow the rules of healthy reality, ergo, lacked any proper frame of reference. I'll go into it more, once I catch-up to you properly. But please start being nicer to yourself - it's crucial. You did nothing wrong but try to cope with a situation a kiddie is neither supposed to ever experience, let alone cope with, nor has the brain maturity (equipment) for doing so! So you get an automatic hall-pass for that, and can only describe it in future as your having a few times behaved uncharacteristically a bit douchy. Many in your past situations would have behaved a heck of a lot douchier, trust me on that. (Forgive her, Jeff, she knows not what she does.) ;)

Soulmate, Jeff is only ever rightfully allowed to come out when we are being attacked or targeted at. We were relatively safe outside our house. Don't get me wrong, Jeff is AMAZING!! I love her and am thankful for her all the time. I just don't think it's right to "use" her to justify my actions all the time. Jeff is a protector, not a troublemaker. And trust me, this is me being nicer to myself actually. I actually sat down and took time to think it through rationally. Wake up call, of some sort, maybe? Ugh!! Adulting is a (pardon my words) B.I.T.C.H. I don't know how anyone is actually doing it... TTYL^^ Aydie

Heya - see latest message on muck-around thread. Really hope you're okay and coping, meanwhile?

Hey^^ Ugh!! Don't even start!! Been busy and audit is coming up soon so, there's that.. And saw how it is on your end as well on muck-around thread @-@; Paperwork sucks and I can only hope that you will fare better than me!! Oh! And quick update.. I'm seeing a psychologist for dissociation, so, there's that too. Apparently, it's a manifestation from leaving my depression and anxiety untreated. The doctor says my body is trying to catch up to that and is learning to recalibrate as best as it can. But! I am still alive and kicking! Not going down without a fight, this one, ma'am! Anyway, I hope you will have a positive outcome on your side! We all are coping as best as we can I hope. All the best to you, trooper! May the force be with you^^ Aydie

Heya Sweetums! Not got enough time (and obvs my attempts over last weekend failed miserably) so just a quickie for now... "Soulmate, Jeff is only ever rightfully allowed to come out when we are being attacked or targeted at." No, you're only her Supervisor, not her full-on Boss. She KNOWS when it's her cue. And she hears and feels EVERYTHINNNNGGGGG. So if you insult her, you have to take it back or, given a burglar breaking into your house, she'd be weakened and might choose Freeze instead of what she's long-proven she's great at: Fight. I'm going to add another one: Counter-Manipulate. :) Either/Or - AND. (Use your teeth if that's what it takes!) "We were relatively safe outside our house. Don't get me wrong, Jeff is AMAZING!! I love her and am thankful for her all the time. I just don't think it's right to "use" her to justify my actions all the time." It's the truth. Jeff does exist. Now a proven psych fact. Google is your friennnnnd... There are two beings inside of everyone of us (which was my lifelong suspicion, although I reckon, more...at least in some people?). I mean - what do you think Passive-Aggression means (the real meaning, not the mistaking it these days (bloody eejits) for Covert Narc Aggression). With Passive-, one PURELY SUBCONSCIOUSLY directly beats oneself up (self-sabotage, etc.), not others (least of all the person(s) closest them). Prime E.g. forget to give-in their asssignment by the deadline. Anyhoo...(cowboy voice please (just because)) - Ah doughn hayav TAAAM ter go inter iyut raat naaahw. But ask me again once this nightmare settlement/court case is over. PS: the other side is trying to make me give-up and crumple into a heap... (carrot-crunching Noo Yoik accent)....."Nyyyyyyyeaaaah....Heee doughn't NNNKNOW meee chew wew, do he!" (Caribbean voice now) Mi donn't DOOO qui-ttin, Mon (..."noh! wo-man-no cry-y.....NOH! WO-MAN NO CRY...") (just practising). "Jeff is a protector, not a troublemaker." Exactly! Zacklyfactly! (Let's see if you nick that one as well, Mr Nick Abbott :p) (only kidding - you're my comedy hero you can nick whadever you like!) (And you're quite sexy in a nerdy way, too.) (It's true, btw, Aydie: I'm hearing my unique sayings being said all over the shop lately! Just make up a word, start saying it repeatedly.....and watch the Mexican Wave unfold in a year, two years, before your eyes and/or ears. Try it, it's such fun! And makes you realise how NOT Powerless/Non-Influential one is. AT all.) Anyhoo - ...And she was protecting your genetic line - your Brother (whom back then you didn't know was a rhymes-with-dick-but-has-an-R-and-a-P-and-no-D-in-it-pmsl). I have NO idea why I'm so chirpy or prattly tonight. I'll find a mirror and ask Jemimah (hee-hee-hee-hee-heee!). ...Or is it Jeremiah? (DANN-DANN-DAAAAANNN...) Anyhoo, enough (Scottish accent pls) ME-SSINN A-BOOOT. Hoo arr you doo-inn an' feel-en at thess poinnt? "And trust me, this is me being nicer to myself actually." Well, now go up a class and do NICER-nicer, then? (*shrug*). Fake it to Make it. You've got acting skills so it'll work on you. Talk about legitimate short-cut!? In fact, I bet if you smiled at yourself in the mirror for a good 5 minutes, you'd actually feel palpably happier as a result. 'Use it (that skill) or lose it, darlin'!'. These are MENTAL muscles, are Skills. Don't let them atrophy because in reality they are not only tools (ladders and rungs, if you like), DEY IZ WEA..........PONS! For self- OR OTHER-defence. Without which, we are vulnerable. Not with Normals-Healthies. But with all the as-yet-not-sectioned loony tunes out there! So - Case goes to The Defence, and the Prosecution were just talking totally-directly-but-confectionately,-contradictory ollllllllloooooocks. ;p But that's okay. This is all new to you, "Luketta". That new Light Sabre you've finally taken out from its hiding-place in your wardrobe, takes mucho practise and is (deepest voice you can muster) DEADLYYYYYYY! Be careful where and how you wave it (which is the same thing I said to CN on her thread, midway-ish down I think it was? Or was it Thea?? Maybe both-OH, I DON'T KNOW, tsk.... "I actually sat down and took time to think it through rationally. Wake up call, of some sort, maybe? Ugh!! Adulting is a (pardon my words) B.I.T.C.H. I don't know how anyone is actually doing it... TTYL^^ Aydie" Ohhhh, yeah - I've got one like that! Indelibly Cringe City, eh? But - thattttt's bein' A KID FOR YA (any accent you like haha). You don't have the ability to stop and think/count to 10 because that part of your frontal cortex (i.e. brain no. 3 in there, the part that makes us Nice but which Ns lack (atrophy/squished?)). Before you hit 25, your neocortices are ALMOST ready but STILL IN THE OVEN where you can't easily access them/it. So tha'ss juss NORMAL. You're normal (and ucking ripped), but refreshingly different. Different doesn't mean abnormal. You're very LUCKY to have such a direct line to Jeff, you know. Too many don't even have two tin-cans on a long piece of string! Your family have done you a huge favour. Doesn't feel like it now. But that's only because you're not in the Environment for them yet. They will arrive, though. And then you will raise a giant glass of champagne. And that's how this works FOR A POSITIVE CHIRPY SURVIVOR, comme toi (- French accent obvs, otherwise it'll come out as Commie Toy). (still Freeensh accsont)....Jeff? If you can hear me: I apologise for my stubborn but cute penpal, she still knows not what she does. (You tell her - I've tried.) Ooh - a second one.... _________________________________________________________ "Hey^^ Ugh!! Don't even start!! Been busy and audit is coming up soon so, there's that.." OOOH AND OO-ER, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT!.... Freelanced for a specialist accountant's for 18mths. A person does NOT know pressure like an accountancy firm at this-and-that Year End. You have my sincere consolences and full force of my digits (groan). Would I ever work again for an acc-NO BEEPING WAY! Was like this: boring-boring-boring(by which I mean, library-boring)-boring-MAJOR EMERGENCIES EVERYWHERE, SIRENS GOING OFF, GONNA BE SLEEPING ON THE OFFICE FLOOR AGAIN TONIGHT, CREW!, AAAARGH, MAKE THE PHONES STOP, AARGH!!!! (Although, to be fair, that might just be me and you cope just fine and dignifiedly? Although, I SAY I don't cope but actually I do...really well...I take charge and get on with what needs to be done WHILE I'm pulling out my hair and going Aaaaargh! Efficient-but-Noisy. Bit like my first car-.... anyway...) "And saw how it is on your end as well on muck-around thread @-@; Paperwork sucks and I can only hope that you will fare better than me!!" Yeah! Paperwork sucks! Even more, though - for me - if it's bloody DIGITAL! I am SURE my solicitor would have been QUITE happy to conduct this entire case purely by email....but - Oh no you DON'T, pal! So he isn't. :) "Oh! And quick update.." Excellent! (not-looking-NOT-LOOKING...)... "I'm seeing a psychologist for dissociation, so, there's that too." Ooooh! WELL DONE! (Is your Dad paying or you?) What a lovely surprise! "Apparently, it's a manifestation from leaving my depression and anxiety untreated." Yuh. And extremely common in victims of Ns or other trauma (acute (tsunami) or chronic (drip-drip)), and extremely normal AND COMPLETELY, SHOW-OFF-INGLY HEALTHY. It's your brain, not letting you, the kid/your kiddie (thinking-part) mind, feel the whole suitcase full of baggage at-once because it could break a kiddy's back. (I.e., that was Jeff. She's veeeeeery protective over you, isn't she.) (he.) (them/it/leggy-chimp) ....Ah-hah... So what you're 'telling me' is that the whole idea of this forum - to be a springboard to Therapy aka Therapeutic Counselling aka 'Avin A Cuppa with the Wise Woman/Man Of The Woods - has worked like clockwork? (Oh yeah - Medaeval folks didn't have to pay for theirs...maybe take a long a wee sackful of tealeaves or something or a jar of honey in Thanks?). *YESSSSSSS!* (Insert "The Ta-Daa!" dance) "The doctor says my body is trying to catch up to that" Yup. "and is learning to recalibrate as best as it can." Yup. At your own pace, nobody else's schedule, too. "But! I am still alive and kicking! Not going down without a fight, this one, ma'am!" NOW, THEN - BEING COMPLETELY SERIOUS HERE SO LISTEN AND LISTEN GOOOOOOD: That!....is what You and Jeff sound like IN UNISON! Good! You two are best buds again! (Picture Jeff as your invisible Siamese Twin, ....built like a brick sh*thouse.) Fabuloso. Now you'll never be- well - SOON (still baking) you'll never feel lonely UH-GENN! Interested Question: Has your voice subtly deepened a tad this whole time or just recently? "Anyway, I hope you will have a positive outcome on your side!" Oh, yeah - I'm going to win. I don't do quitting, I finish everything I start, hence don't start if I know I won't be able to finish. But if I don't win ENOUGH...that'd be the problem. And that's all I can tell you (meh). To be fair, though, this would be a piece of piss were I doing it from England. Or perhaps not, these days, going by what I'm hearing on LBC lately. I am sort-of wondering what I'm doing here, though (insert upside-down face). "We all are coping as best as we can I hope. All the best to you, trooper! May the force be with you^^" I second that emotion. Got friends in England, however, who are definitely suffering and not able to make ends meet now, whereas, they were perfectly comfortably-off before all this world-shite started hitting the world-fan. ...Dear Baby Jesus, You're out a bit late, aren't you? When you going to be home? You got taxi fare? PS: Can I finish your choccie bar that's in the fri- hang on - someone's banging on the door.... (joke) (I wouldn't even like to be Starmer, let alone bloo- ooops - lovely God!) Anything else new since you last typed? What else are you learning from your sessions?

Hi, Soulmate^^ "Not got enough time (and obvs my attempts over last weekend failed miserably) so just a quickie for now..." Just to assure you, I appreciate you even taking your time to do this! Thank you^^ "I'm going to add another one: Counter-Manipulate. :) Either/Or - AND. (Use your teeth if that's what it takes!)" And that is another way of survival. No cheating just pure grit and instinct!! Sue me. However, it will be justified as self defense, Your Honor! I was merely fighting back after I got multiple body shots and was getting dangerously close to my head. So, to avoid concussion protocol, I had to stop the attacker from doing more harm or I wouldn't be standing here. I rest my case. "Prime E.g. forget to give-in their asssignment by the deadline." I'm guilty of this. Not all the time, I promise. 7/10 times... Guilty. "But ask me again once this nightmare settlement/court case is over. PS: the other side is trying to make me give-up and crumple into a heap... (carrot-crunching Noo Yoik accent)....."Nyyyyyyyeaaaah....Heee doughn't NNNKNOW meee chew wew, do he!"" Never go down without a fight, Soulmate! You let them know who they're up against!! "(Let's see if you nick that one as well, Mr Nick Abbott :p) (only kidding - you're my comedy hero you can nick whadever you like!) (And you're quite sexy in a nerdy way, too.)" Wow! You really admire him don't you? ^^ "I have NO idea why I'm so chirpy or prattly tonight. I'll find a mirror and ask Jemimah (hee-hee-hee-hee-heee!). ...Or is it Jeremiah? (DANN-DANN-DAAAAANNN...)" This is your exhaustion speaking. You're in a long on-going battle, but you're not one to go down without a fight. You're doing a "This is Spartan!!" while gritting your teeth in frustration and anger despite the wounds! Chirpy and prattly I'll take anytime! "So - Case goes to The Defence, and the Prosecution were just talking totally-directly-but-confectionately,-contradictory ollllllllloooooocks. ;p" Jeff walks out happy and beaming. Next stop: the gym^^ "But that's okay. This is all new to you, "Luketta". That new Light Sabre you've finally taken out from its hiding-place in your wardrobe, takes mucho practise and is (deepest voice you can muster) DEADLYYYYYYY! Be careful where and how you wave it (which is the same thing I said to CN on her thread, midway-ish down I think it was? Or was it Thea?? Maybe both-OH, I DON'T KNOW, tsk...." Mucho gracias, Maestro Yoda! I've clocked in and starting my training and Jeff is making sure I'm pulling my weight in this time. She's watching and also ready to step in when needed. I think we're getting the hang of this, if I dare say so myself^^ "You're normal (and ucking ripped), but refreshingly different. Different doesn't mean abnormal. You're very LUCKY to have such a direct line to Jeff, you know. Too many don't even have two tin-cans on a long piece of string!" Yeah! Actually, been thinking about something in a totally different light. You know the saying wolf among flocks of sheep something like that? I think being the wolf doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Sheeps are to me a 'safe' option you choose because they're harmless, really. Wolves are considered dangerous, malicious and vicious predators. I just think there are a lot sheeps out there, I choose to be the wolf. Not because I'm a predator, but, I have to fight for me when no one else is going to do that. I have to think differently because, all the sheeps are thinking about is blending in and choosing to "feel normal" and not thinking for themselves. They are herded into one direction. I'm not choosing that conformity. But, hey. Maybe I'm wrong. Who the fuck knows anything anymore. "(still Freeensh accsont)....Jeff? If you can hear me: I apologise for my stubborn but cute penpal, she still knows not what she does. (You tell her - I've tried.)" Don't you worry there, mon ami. We had a chat and we found middle ground. No one is taking full control. We are manning this ship together! There's still work to be done, but, I see and sense hope of success^^ "(Although, to be fair, that might just be me and you cope just fine and dignifiedly? Although, I SAY I don't cope but actually I do...really well...I take charge and get on with what needs to be done WHILE I'm pulling out my hair and going Aaaaargh! Efficient-but-Noisy. Bit like my first car-.... anyway...)" I cope just fine and certainly NOT in a dignified manner, but, that remains to be unfounded rumors ^^; "Ooooh! WELL DONE! (Is your Dad paying or you?)" Why, of course, I'm paying it. "(I.e., that was Jeff. She's veeeeeery protective over you, isn't she.) (he.) (them/it/leggy-chimp)" Jeff is Jeff. I think they can get really protective at times! "....Ah-hah... So what you're 'telling me' is that the whole idea of this forum - to be a springboard to Therapy aka Therapeutic Counselling aka 'Avin A Cuppa with the Wise Woman/Man Of The Woods - has worked like clockwork? (Oh yeah - Medaeval folks didn't have to pay for theirs...maybe take a long a wee sackful of tealeaves or something or a jar of honey in Thanks?). *YESSSSSSS!* (Insert "The Ta-Daa!" dance)" I reckon a pouch of silver for my very outstanding friend and advisor, I suppose. I truly appreciate the hard work you've done to get me here. Of course, tealeaves, jar of honey AND a pouch of silver, I insist. Perhaps, some firewood as well, my friend. ^^ Oh! This is fUn!!!!^^ Sorry,just really love role-playing characters in my head!! "Interested Question: Has your voice subtly deepened a tad this whole time or just recently?" Funny you asked that. My voice has always been in the low range, but it has been getting much deeper recently. Any reason why that might be of interest to you? ^^; "Got friends in England, however, who are definitely suffering and not able to make ends meet now, whereas, they were perfectly comfortably-off before all this world-shite started hitting the world-fan." Ditto. Oil prices are on the rise, groceries and public transport are also pricey, given everything that's going on. And still, our salary is not covering even half the things we need. Bills are also waiting to be paid... "Anything else new since you last typed? What else are you learning from your sessions?" Nothing as of yet. Just living through the motions and relearning to set my boundaries. Will have a 2nd session next month and we'll see where we go from there. For now, I just have to consistently fill in my mood diary, an assignment that has been bestowed upon me^^ Til then, Aydie^^

Heya chickadee! Trying furiously to catch up with everyone who's still waiting. Poor CN's thread expired (she's as up-against-it as me, by the sounds and signs), so I've switched her to the 'Xmas' Muck-About Thread if you want an update? "Hi, Soulmate^^ "Not got enough time (and obvs my attempts over last weekend failed miserably) so just a quickie for now..." Just to assure you, I appreciate you even taking your time to do this! Thank you^^" You're so sweet and understanding - it's lovely. :) Yet at the same time, on the other hand it makes me feel worse, haha. I hate the guilts, but - my situation is not of my doing so I'm trying just to be ANNOYED at this latest life-obstacle of mine. (Last time I had this size of interruption was when I was finally emigrating between UK and here...had 6 months off, but peppered with a few (I seem to recall) here and there. I'll definitely be pleased when this latest giant stressor/hassle is over. So thanks sincerely for bearing with me. :) (I'm not giving up on being this forum's posting moderator - no way, no how, Jose! It's too important. Up Yours, yous up there!...You'll have to chuck a grand piano at me instead!) Comes a point during a trauma when I switch to angry and expletive mode, ...which I'm pleased to hear tonight because it's my Turbo Power kicking in. I seem to have a rather generous reserve tank (hence why AGAIN, friends are asking how come I'm not dead yet (meaning, heart-attack, presumably?). Because I ucking REFUSE to, is why...URRRRR! Or because I have a problem with quitting? Ah, well...let's just blame the ancestors, heh-heh. ""I'm going to add another one: Counter-Manipulate. :) Either/Or - AND. (Use your teeth if that's what it takes!)" "And that is another way of survival. No cheating just pure grit and instinct!! Sue me." THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! :))))))) "However, it will be justified as self defense, Your Honor! I was merely fighting back after I got multiple body shots and was getting dangerously close to my head. So, to avoid concussion protocol, I had to stop the attacker from doing more harm or I wouldn't be standing here. I rest my case." GOOD. And I KNOW that. I KNOW you're not the type who could hit first. And I now know you ARE, however, the type whom, if MADE to hit back, hits back HARDER. And SCARIER. I've worked-out that extra-secretly-scary (healthy) types tend to be the extra-extra-nice-and-kind. Reason? Trying to make up for a guilty conscience at the very keen but elusive sense that we are in actual fact, FLUFFY SHARKS. Or cute-looking wolves? Best to be nicer-than-nice so that no-one (except the family who here-and-there feel elusively/inexplicably threatened by you and accordingly try to cage you rather than train you up to be magnificent (gasp of breath lol)) will suspect. Doesn't work, anyway. May as well be yourself and dare to threaten people. After all, it'll only threaten Iffy's. Other types EXPECT everyone to have their inner-animal as surfaces at times of threat/danger. Be proud you have one and that it's still very much involved in your life, not permanently asleep and dead. And then, on that score, you'll be well-balanced...soft default, great/someone to be respected in an emergency! If Princess Di could have dared do/be that, before walking through crowds of strangers, she'd have saved LOADS on personal bodyguards, haha. If you're JUST nice/kind, you're out-of-kilter and vulnerable. I reckon those that pick on you - it's NOT because the victim is weak or weakened, whatever. It's because they can 'smell' that the owner of the inner beast hasn't got the balls to let him/her OUT when needed. Your beast isn't just on a leash, it's chained to a far-away wall. (Get it?) So they're safe to pick on you. (See it?) If this is what it takes - tell your jumped-up younger brother to watch his ucking step or you'll kick him into the middle of next week, DOES HE REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF WHEN PUSHED? Aka, 'Go ahead, Punk - make my day'. You would LOVE to just be ladylike, as society intended (puke). Only your family set-up DOES NOT ALLOW IT. You have no choice but to stop feeling ashamed and start feeling glad and protected that Jeff is NOT someone you wanna mess with. Show him you've hit the point where if he's not veeery careful and respectful from now on, that you're going to start bullying HIM. And see how HE likes it! Fair reasoning, fair warning. That's the only language (that or abandonment) that bullies, all the way to nightmare narc bullies (especially young ones), understand. You CANNOT reason with them. Nor BE reasonable with them. ""Prime E.g. forget to give-in their asssignment by the deadline." "I'm guilty of this. Not all the time, I promise. 7/10 times... Guilty."" Maybe it's just that your brain's too full. Thanks to your stupid family. You're not the Real You while incarcerated with a number of "mean girls" and outright torturers. No-one is. ""But ask me again once this nightmare settlement/court case is over. PS: the other side is trying to make me give-up and crumple into a heap... (carrot-crunching Noo Yoik accent)....."Nyyyyyyyeaaaah....Heee doughn't NNNKNOW meee chew wew, do he!"" Never go down without a fight, Soulmate! You let them know who they're up against!!"" Never will! Even if it kills me. After all, why would I want to stay in a world where its inhabitants let the bad eggs avoid justice, whilst the innocent victims get to suffer or suffer worse, ANYWAY? ""Let's see if you nick that one as well, Mr Nick Abbott :p) (only kidding - you're my comedy hero you can nick whadever you like!) (And you're quite sexy in a nerdy way, too.)" Wow! You really admire him don't you? ^^"" God yeah! He's not just hysterically funny and playful all the time, but simultaneously incredibly informative. His show, IMO, is the day's Finale...the star act. He never EVER fails to make me gaffaw my face off, and his piss-taking reduces EVERYTHING back to it's proper size. 'Goood therapy, maaan...' Laughter is definitely one of the most potent medicines for me. That and sea air. Oh, and choc-lit (I'm on mainly dark - for mineral and fuel purposes...Dark Choc with Orange Peel bits, yyyyyum!). And ciggies. And Coffee, Tea and Orange Juice. I am worried by the goings-on in the world, though. All of it, not just financially. ""I have NO idea why I'm so chirpy or prattly tonight. I'll find a mirror and ask Jemimah (hee-hee-hee-hee-heee!). ...Or is it Jeremiah? (DANN-DANN-DAAAAANNN...)" This is your exhaustion speaking. You're in a long on-going battle, but you're not one to go down without a fight. You're doing a "This is Spartan!!" while gritting your teeth in frustration and anger despite the wounds! Chirpy and prattly I'll take anytime!"" Haha! You're not far wrong there! In fact, I think that's another benefit of Nick Abbot - I soak up his "don't let the basstds get you down" spirit. Well observed and analysed, m'Colleague! :) ""So - Case goes to The Defence, and the Prosecution were just talking totally-directly-but-confectionately,-contradictory ollllllllloooooocks. ;p" Jeff walks out happy and beaming. Next stop: the gym^^" Do you know - that's not a bad idea! In fact, it's a perfect one! You don't need the gym, though. Housework (the heavier the hoover, the better), gardening (including the leaf-blower with both hands to meat-up your wrists), lifting brother and throwing him out the window, that sort of stuff. ""But that's okay. This is all new to you, "Luketta". That new Light Sabre you've finally taken out from its hiding-place in your wardrobe, takes mucho practise and is (deepest voice you can muster) DEADLYYYYYYY! Be careful where and how you wave it (which is the same thing I said to CN on her thread, midway-ish down I think it was? Or was it Thea?? Maybe both-OH, I DON'T KNOW, tsk...." "Mucho gracias, Maestro Yoda! I've clocked in and starting my training and Jeff is making sure I'm pulling my weight in this time. She's watching and also ready to step in when needed. I think we're getting the hang of this, if I dare say so myself^^" Meh, do I HAVE to be Yoda? Me no identify with him. Plus, I haven't ever (ducks) watched StarWars so I don't know which character I would id with, and only know Luke and Princess Lela (original film)...oh, and wassisface...Indiana Jones (hahaha!)...and R2D2 and the other one... But I don't know enough ABOUT them. No fair, meh. I'll tell you who I DO identify with, though. Ever seen "Hard Candy" (yep, it's one of the ones I recommended). *Her* (gender immaterial). It needn't involve any killing, though. I can do that with my mouth, leave them out-of-action for a good 2 years ("Run, Nice Ladies/Gents, run - here's your chance!!!"). ""You're normal (and ucking ripped), but refreshingly different. Different doesn't mean abnormal. You're very LUCKY to have such a direct line to Jeff, you know. Too many don't even have two tin-cans on a long piece of string!" "Yeah! Actually, been thinking about something in a totally different light. You know the saying wolf among flocks of sheep something like that? I think being the wolf doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Sheeps are to me a 'safe' option you choose because they're harmless, really. Wolves are considered dangerous, malicious and vicious predators. I just think there are a lot sheeps out there, I choose to be the wolf. Not because I'm a predator, but, I have to fight for me when no one else is going to do that. I have to think differently because, all the sheeps are thinking about is blending in and choosing to "feel normal" and not thinking for themselves. They are herded into one direction. I'm not choosing that conformity. But, hey. Maybe I'm wrong. Who the fuck knows anything anymore." You've not known which of your baggage was good to keep (and even be proud of) and which wasn't and needed throwing out. Basically. Because your holdall was getting FAR too heavy to lug around, day after day. Basically. ""(still Freeensh accsont)....Jeff? If you can hear me: I apologise for my stubborn but cute penpal, she still knows not what she does. (You tell her - I've tried.)" "Don't you worry there, mon ami. We had a chat and we found middle ground. No one is taking full control. We are manning this ship together! There's still work to be done, but, I see and sense hope of success^^" Yeah, I've thus far gathered. Good. Nice One. As long as self-defending by verbally or physically hitting-back is your LAST resort, never your first (which, if you think about it, is the case and problem with bullies/Narcs, whose motto is 'hit or be hit' (don' ask)). That's what'll always set you apart and keep your halo intact. And you're just EXTRA fair if you verbally give them fair warning. Because they can tell when you mean it due to really-really knowing you have an inner Jeff to back you up (and hack them up). It's contained in your whole voice and demeanour. And that's how to make all future Narcs respect/fear you and stay away/not even approach. Give em a flash of Jeff and they'll go "wee-wee-weee, all the way home!" That's how to make yourself 'unattractive' to, even malignant Narcs. ""(Although, to be fair, that might just be me and you cope just fine and dignifiedly? Although, I SAY I don't cope but actually I do...really well...I take charge and get on with what needs to be done WHILE I'm pulling out my hair and going Aaaaargh! Efficient-but-Noisy. Bit like my first car-.... anyway...)" I cope just fine and certainly NOT in a dignified manner, but, that remains to be unfounded rumors ^^;"" Haha. ""Ooooh! WELL DONE! (Is your Dad paying or you?)" Why, of course, I'm paying it."" Really, he should pay. For not controlling and teaching his son better. He'd have healed better/faster if he'd focused on his son as soon as the boy had begun acting-out in your direction. Still, there's no time limit on you presenting him with the bill, is there. (Pay to clean up your OWN mess, Farter!) ""(I.e., that was Jeff. She's veeeeeery protective over you, isn't she.) (he.) (them/it/leggy-chimp)" Jeff is Jeff. I think they can get really protective at times!"" Jeff is Jeff - hahahahahahaha! That is very true. She's the only naked ape called Jeff in the world (whilst you're the only Aydie that in the entire history of the world ever existed or will ever exist, too.... remember that. In that regard, everyone is UNIQUE.) ""....Ah-hah... So what you're 'telling me' is that the whole idea of this forum - to be a springboard to Therapy aka Therapeutic Counselling aka 'Avin A Cuppa with the Wise Woman/Man Of The Woods - has worked like clockwork? (Oh yeah - Medaeval folks didn't have to pay for theirs...maybe take a long a wee sackful of tealeaves or something or a jar of honey in Thanks?). *YESSSSSSS!* (Insert "The Ta-Daa!" dance)" "I reckon a pouch of silver for my very outstanding friend and advisor, I suppose. I truly appreciate the hard work you've done to get me here. Of course, tealeaves, jar of honey AND a pouch of silver, I insist. Perhaps, some firewood as well, my friend. ^^ Oh! This is fUn!!!!^^ Sorry,just really love role-playing characters in my head!!"" Thank-you sincerely, but, No. I let Karma pay me. And, by jove - s/he does! S´not why we do this. But it's a bloody good bonus! Also, I always have a jar of honey....m'loves hot Honey & Lemon drink. As for the pou........ooooh..... tempting. But no. Because Karma pays in Gold. ("Cos yooou are GOLD!... (GOLD!).... Always believe in your so...o-o-oul.... You've got the power to know!....You're in-de-struct-a-buuuh-uhle....." - before your time - 80s band called Spandau Ballet. YouTube is your friend...) ""Interested Question: Has your voice subtly deepened a tad this whole time or just recently?" "Funny you asked that." Only to you, heh-heh. "...My voice has always been in the low range, but it has been getting much deeper recently. Any reason why that might be of interest to you? ^^;" Yuss. Research. Can't tell ya, sorryyyyy. Although you might be able to work it out, yourself? Clue: it's why you call her Jeff. ""Got friends in England, however, who are definitely suffering and not able to make ends meet now, whereas, they were perfectly comfortably-off before all this world-shite started hitting the world-fan." "Ditto. Oil prices are on the rise, groceries and public transport are also pricey, given everything that's going on. And still, our salary is not covering even half the things we need. Bills are also waiting to be paid..." Yup. GenZs everywhere are really, REALLY struggling. ""Anything else new since you last typed? What else are you learning from your sessions?" "Nothing as of yet. Just living through the motions and relearning to set my boundaries." Well, that's actually the most sensible place to start (check your armour). "Will have a 2nd session next month and we'll see where we go from there. For now, I just have to consistently fill in my mood diary, an assignment that has been bestowed upon me^^" In case any brain chem/hormone levels have been bullied out of kilter and need topping-up/re-setting medicinally, I imagine. (Not scary, serious-stuff medicinal, though. Just enough to make you feel GRRRRR-REAT...back to optimum you! In fact, you might feel so great you decide Bother isn't worth the energy and just start ignoring him except for whenever he approaches you respectfully... the pills give you the patience, IOW. He'll learn. "Til then, Aydie^^" Adieu for-now, Aydie-J. :) (No, NOT J for Jam - don't be silly) (ha ha)

PS: You won't believe what some of CN's intended wedding-guests said. Also, CN posted a really cute and hilarious, short video. I'm thinking you need that on your phone so that (ref. taking minimal effort) you can just play it to whomever antagonist, but quickly go, 'whoops- how did that play by itself?...weird...'. :D

""Yeah! Actually, been thinking about something in a totally different light. You know the saying wolf among flocks of sheep something like that? I think being the wolf doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Sheeps are to me a 'safe' option you choose because they're harmless, really. Wolves are considered dangerous, malicious and vicious predators. I just think there are a lot sheeps out there, I choose to be the wolf. Not because I'm a predator, but, I have to fight for me when no one else is going to do that. I have to think differently because, all the sheeps are thinking about is blending in and choosing to "feel normal" and not thinking for themselves. They are herded into one direction. I'm not choosing that conformity. But, hey. Maybe I'm wrong. Who the fuck knows anything anymore."" NOPE. NOT wrong. YOU know anything/things any more (er) (bad Engrish). Under a *healthy, natural, human* light, yes. Furry, friendly Shark. Or Domesticated, friendly, pet Wolf (whereby people are more careful than when around dogs...or sheep). Or sabre-toothed fluffy Bunny. The term is Normal-Healthy, but with "Pro-Social"-Psychopathic Traits (i.e. just the traits that can be used to defend others and yourself as well as achieve big things). Empath-Warrior. I prefer diamond rescuer. They're fully-formed, equally on every angle, really shine if others remember to polish them, and can break but cannot be broken. Like a Fireman. :) Or (most) Police personnel. Or an A&E surgeon and team. I mean, do you think MOST people could face/look at and have to deal with even HALF of the stuff that lot and their ilk daily deal with? Hah! Well, you and I, and others here, might. But most people would faint on-sight of even one drop of blood, one flame, etc.