AITP?

I'm Aydan, 27 years old. I have been noticing something weird for years now, that I deliberately push to the back of my mind everytime. I have 2 younger siblings, and we're all 2 years apart from each other. I love them of course! However, recently the weird behaviours have been more frequent and it seems like it's been done on purpose. My siblings tend to ignore me on purpose and/or "put me in my place" whenever I talk to them. It'll be topics that they bring up or a debates they start out of nowhere and would expect me to respond or actually give my two cents on. I would decline mostly because numerous times they never actually paid attention or would actually point out how lacking of knowledge I actually am on the topics they chose. When they share and talk about anything, me losing focus for a second would result them in getting angry, frustrated and they would storm away from me and not say a word at all afterwards. They share and sometimes overshare things from work that I couldn't really relate to and if I just listen but not give a feedback or opinion, I would be deemed annoying and they would leave angry and frustrated. On other occasions, if I tried giving them advice, I am trying to act smart when I'm actually not.. AITP? What should I do? It just feels like I am wrong no matter what I do..

Hi Aydan, This sounds like an issue of damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you can just decline and avoid discussing any issues with your siblings, and they don't get mad at you over that, then I would advise doing that. Not that age matters a whole lot here, especially a difference of 2 or 4 years, but I can see where it would be annoying feeling lectured by your younger siblings all of the time. Do you think it's possible the issue is that you aren't listening and thinking enough about the discussions they bring up? You might not be approaching those topics with a sense of seriousness, or might have a thoughtless opinion on the matter. And I guess it's alright to feel detached from an issue, but at the same time a big problem in the world right now is that people usually "pass the buck", and only care about issues that they feel directly impact them. Or, more often, people completely misinterpret the way things go either because they're being misled or else they haven't brushed up on the subject enough. You can try to give things a bit more thought, and try to pause and give your siblings time to speak and respond, and think about what they say. Learning and having discussions shouldn't boil down to arguing, name-calling and fighting, however. It should be an intelligent discussion, with open minds. But if you don't think you and your siblings are realistically capable of having that mature, calm discussion, then I wouldn't bother and I'd continue to avoid it. What I will tell you is, the best thing to do is just be yourself and believe what you believe. If your siblings (I mean they are your siblings, so you should be able to trust them) want to talk politics or whatever, then they should know who you are and where you stand on issues, and vice-versa. And be open to learning and growing, and remind them to, too.

Hello Balance, Thank you for taking the time to give your advice. Yes, I agree that age is not the problem here. They know they could freely share their opinions and thoughts where needed and there will be no wrong or right answers to it. I would love to avoid having discussions on topics that they bring up because I admit, I lack knowledge on those. However, they would continue to bug me for my opinions and if I stayed silent, it's always " knew you weren't smart enough", getting in my face to mock me for not "knowing anything" or slamming doors because I "ignore them". These wouldn't be a problem for me, but our parents would come out to check and ask what's going on and wouldn't leave it alone. When they break and explained to our parents what happened, parents will go "it's nothing serious", "so, what gave you the right to slam the door" etc.. Somehow, my siblings would fault me for making a big deal out of it. This is what happens when I choose to be quiet and just listen. I have no knowledge on the topics, so I listen. If I ask genuine questions to better understand the topic (quantum physics for example because my brother loves talking about it), I am wasting his time because "how can someone not be smart enough?". When it comes to them sharing about work for instance, I listen and not say anything because I don't know their colleagues or working environment. And they take it as an offense because I am ignoring them. My phone is down, full attention given though. When I say something because it is mandatory for me to "have to share on what I would do", I am labelled a know-it-all or I shouldn't have a say in it because I don't know what it's like at their workplace... I don't share my views on politics with them because when I did, I was apparently following a trend to appear smart.. I don't know Balance.. I will always continue to listen to their problems, but I don't know if I should stay silent or give advice. It seems like I am either trying to appear smart, I don't care enough or I am stupid to not know something "so simple". I don't know what to do anymore. They're only ever happy if I nod and agree, don't ask too much questions and only ever say what they want to hear.. That's not having a discussion. Or maybe I'm in the wrong. If staying silent and just listening is wrong, sharing my opinions is wrong, asking questions to try to understand what they're talking about is wrong, then what should I do? It just feels like I am set out to just be someone who's supposed to go with the flow, nod my head and shut my mouth and am only helpful when they agree with what they want to hear. Thank you anyway, Balance. I'll try to read some on the topics they love talking about to have a better understanding and see where I go from there. I appreciate your advice. The question is, should I just stay silent and compliant just to satisfy them? Again, thank you though.

Hi Ayden, I'm screechingly busy at the moment but - don't go anywhere; I'd like to give my input just as soon as I can (couple of days or if I'm lucky, tonight). I don't think you're the problem here, and I wouldn't be surprised if you're feeling quite desperate by now. Hang tight - back soon. :)

Hello Soulmate, I'll be here. I don't know if I'm not the problem, but yes... Am pretty desperate here if I say so myself.. Waiting on your reply soon.